Precious Souvenir
by JessC27
Summary: Buffy's slaying powers come and go. She seeks help in LA.
1. The quiet before the storm

**Precious Souvenir**

**Chapter 1 – The quiet before the storm**

**Note:**

This one is set in season 4. Some time after "I Will Remember You".

Lorne is already a good friend of Angel's. Parker never happened. Buffy and Riley are in the very early dating stages, if you can even call it dating. And Faith will definitely appear later on in this story.

Also, I am not taking a break from my other stories, they are being written. I just sometimes need to take a step away from them, to get some perspective, and give them time to mature. So, in the meantime my take on IWRY.

* * *

It had been a quiet night, just some newly turned vamps. They were easy opponents and not at all a challenge for Buffy, more like a warm up. She decided to call it a night and go to bed early. She had been tired all day, so she welcomed that once in a while things were quiet when she needed them to be. When she was almost home, she saw a vampire stalking a girl.

"Damn, almost made it home scot-free. Well, one more or less… here we go."

Not in the mood for fighting, Buffy crept up on him quietly and aimed her stake, planning to impale the vamp from behind. But he must have heard her approaching, as he ducked at the last moment, spun around quickly and hit her right across the face.

"You shouldn't have done this," Buffy said. "I was gonna give you a painless death, but seems like you prefer it the hard way."

But before she could attack again, the vamp kicked her in the chest and sent her flying against the next tree, knocking the air out of her lungs and the stake out of her hand. Buffy could feel the impact in every bone of her body. Damn, usually she wasn't that affected by one single blow. Maybe she really needed some time off, or at least to sleep in. Luckily, tomorrow was Saturday. But first she had to finish off that annoying vamp.

Looking for her stake, she bent down to retrieve it, but before she could face her demonic attacker again, she was grabbed from behind. Buffy tried to throw him over her shoulder, but couldn't muster the strength. Now she was starting to get worried. All she could do was wiggle in the vamp's grip.

"What, don't you have any witty remarks now, little girl?"

"Hey, no name calling."

"Fine with me, let's get down to business." He lowered his fangs to Buffy's neck. In one last effort, Buffy managed to lift her arm high enough to drive the stake through his eye, making him loose his hold on her. Before he could recover, Buffy quickly drove the stake through his chest, leaving only dust on the ground. Damn, that had been way too close. That vampire should not have been able to even touch her. Maybe she was coming down with something.

When she got home, she was hurting everywhere and so tired that she didn't even bother to shower. She just wanted to sleep. She pulled off her clothes and, out of the corner of her eye, saw that her back was covered in ugly, colorful bruises. Buffy examined them closer. She never bruised like that. Too tired to further think about this now, she put on her pajamas, crept into bed, lying down on her stomach, and fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, when Buffy took a shower, the bruises had all vanished. Had she just imagined them? Had she hit her head in the fight, too? She certainly didn't imagine almost getting killed by your average stupid vamp last night.

While shoving down a quick breakfast, peanut butter and jelly, a thought occurred to her when her eyes fell on the peanut butter jar. Or rather a memory of her 18th birthday. She looked in the shelves to see if there was a yet unopened peanut butter jar. When she couldn't find one, she opted for the cutlery. It would do just as well. She grabbed a knife with both her hands and tried to bend it. It gave way easily. Her slaying powers were still intact. Relived, but not completely at ease yet, she finished her toast and headed over to Giles' place.

* * *

"Hey, Giles."

"Buffy. Did everything go well on patrol last night? Or did you encounter any unusual activities?"

"No, not really. But I might be coming down with something."

"Oh, maybe then you should take it easy for a couple of days."

"Maybe it's nothing."

"Well, since you are here, maybe you could help me with those books?" He pointed to some boxes of books standing next to the doorway. "I ordered some new volumes from England. If you could carry them over to the book shelves for me, I'd appreciate it very much."

"Sure." Buffy grabbed one of the boxes. But before she had taken three steps, the box became unusually heavy and she had to drop it to the floor.

"No, not again," she groaned. Then she turned to Giles. "Is there any other stupid test the Council requires of their Slayers?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Buffy."

"Give me a knife."

"A knife?"

"Yes, a knife. A peanut butter jar would also do, but I don't think you'd have something like that."

Confused, Giles handed her a dagger from his weaponry chest. Buffy grabbed the dagger tightly, but she couldn't bend it one degree. "My powers are gone."

"Gone?"

"Yes, gone. Last night, some vamp beat me up like I was a rag doll. But this morning, everything was okay. And now I can't even lift some books or bend a knife."

Giles was still confused about the knife and peanut butter, but he chose to ignore it for the moment.

"Did you do something to me?" Buffy asked angrily. "Is this another crucifix test or so?"

"Do you mean cruciamentum?" Giles asked confused.

"Whatever, did you do it?"

"No, heaven forbid. I would never do something like this to you again. I swear, Buffy. There are no further tests."

Buffy believed him. "But then… what's happening to me?"

Giles came over to her and checked her forehead. "Maybe it is just the flu."

"What if it isn't?"

* * *

Buffy did not get the flu. Her slaying abilities came and went as they pleased. And they usually deserted her in the most inconvenient situations. The Scooby Gang went over all the demons Buffy had slayed over the last few days, looking them up for possible poisons or diseases they could transmit. They came up empty-handed.

One day, Willow caught Buffy alone. "Um, Buffy, have you considered that you might be pregnant?"

"Willow! Get your mind out of the gutter," Buffy said jokingly. When she saw that Willow wasn't joking at all, she said, "I am not."

"But, you and… Riley…"

"Willow, we haven't… we are not even dating."

"He likes you."

"Liking somebody doesn't get that somebody pregnant."

"Well, I thought… it was just a thought. It just popped into my head, since we have considered everything else already."

"Well, obviously we still haven't considered everything yet."

"Maybe it will go away on its own. Maybe your slaying powers just need a vacation."

Buffy gave Willow a doubtful look. Then something occurred to her. "Willow, what if you are right?" Buffy asked with worry.

"About the vacation?"

"No, about me being pregnant."

"But you said you haven't…"

"I haven't, but… we do live on the hellmouth." Buffy said uneasily, not wanting to finish that thought.

"Oh… oh… you think that… something…"

"I don't know. I hope not."

"I'm sure you are not," Willow tried to reassure her.

Buffy didn't look convinced.

"Just do a pregnancy test. I am sure you are not pregnant."

"Willow, I don't think a pregnancy test would tell me if I was… if there is… something in me that shouldn't be there."

* * *

Still, Buffy did a pregnancy test, several actually. After the sixth she gave up. Three had been positive, three had been negative.

"Maybe they don't work on Slayers?" Buffy said to Willow.

"Well, they don't work for everybody. And especially in the early stages they are rather useless. And since we don't know when… um… if… you know… if you really are pregnant, we have no idea when it happened. It could be too early to tell," Willow pointed out.

* * *

Willow continued researching possible, unwanted, demon-related pregnancies and other unexplained events that could match Buffy's case on the internet. Buffy had asked her to keep their newest suspicion quiet from the rest of the gang. Being the loyal friend, Willow did just that and kept these particular aspects of her research to herself.

One night, one website caught Willow's attention. It had an interesting advertisement. Some green demon calling himself 'The Host' offered his services. He claimed to read people's auras while they were singing karaoke. It seemed that his place of business was located in LA. Willow showed the ad to Buffy.

"It's probably just a joke," Buffy said. The longer her slaying powers were playing up, the more afraid she got to find out what was really wrong with her.

"Don't you think it's worth a try? You could call Angel. Maybe he has heard of this demon and knows if he can be trusted."

* * *

"Angel, hi, it's me."

"Buffy. How are you?"

"Um… fine," she lied.

"Why are you calling?"

"I'm looking for some demon."

"In LA?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Can you be a bit more specific?"

"Um, yes, he is green and reads people while they are singing."

"Oh, what do you want from Lorne?"

"You know him?"

"Yeah, he is a friend of mine."

"So he can be trusted?"

"Yes, he's a good guy."

"Oh, okay."

"Buffy, is something wrong?"

"Would you mind if I come to LA and you introduce me to your friend?"

"No, of course not. But, Buffy, why do you want to see Lorne?"

"I'll be there tonight." She hung up.

* * *

Angel had been on edge ever since Buffy's phone call. Why would she want to see Lorne? Was she alright? The more he thought about it, the more concerned he got.

When Buffy came through the door Angel observed her closely. She looked like she hadn't gotten much sleep lately.

"Buffy."

"Angel."

"Are you okay? Why do you want to see Lorne?" Since she had come alone, it was obvious that this concerned her personally somehow.

"I… um…" She needed to tell him something. "My slaying powers are… off."

"Off? Gone?"

"No, not gone. They come and go."

"So you are not fine. On the phone you said you were fine," he said accusingly. "Why did you lie to me?"

"I didn't want you to worry."

"I worried anyway."

"Sorry."

Angel could see that she truly was. And her mind seemed like it was not really on the here and now. She looked slightly nervous. "It's okay. I'm sure you had other things to worry about. So, you have no idea what the cause could be? Any theories?"

"Um… no, not really."

This time he got suspicious. "Buffy…"

"Can you just tell me how I can find this demon?"

"Lorne."

"Yeah, Lorne."

"Sure, I'll take you."

Buffy wasn't too keen on having Angel come with her. But on the other hand, she wasn't sure if she wanted to do this alone either.

* * *

"Interesting place," Buffy remarked when they entered Caritas.

"It's a bit like Willy's, just with more good people added to the mix."

"A _very_ interesting place."

When Lorne spotted them coming through the door, he immediately made his way over to them. "Now, what do we have here? My favorite vampire and…?" Lorne mustered Buffy.

"Lorne, this is Buffy, a… good friend of mine. She could use your help."

Lorne looked back and forth between Buffy and Angel. Then he raised an eyebrow. "A good friend? Yeah, right… I don't need to hear you sing to know that that is the understatement of the year. Well, in your case probably the understatement of the century, am I right?" Lorne gave Angel a self-satisfied smile.

Lorne turned to Buffy. There was still something strange about the girl. Something that didn't make sense. "You are not a demon. But neither are you a normal human."

"I am-"

Lorne held up a hand. "No, let me guess." He looked excitedly at Buffy. "You are from another dimension? Just visiting maybe?"

"No," Buffy answered, slightly annoyed.

"Hm…" They had the air of star-crossed lovers, but why? "You are a witch and his evil alter-ego killed someone in your family. And now your family doesn't want Romeo and Juliet together?"

Angel flinched. He immediately had to think of Jenny Calendar and the gypsy girl. Neither memory was sitting well with him.

"Sorry," Buffy said, "wrong person."

"But I was close, wasn't I?" Lorne ask hopefully.

"Too close for comfort actually." Buffy gave Angel a sympathetic look. "I don't have all night. I am the Slayer."

"Wow!" Now the vibes coming from them made even more sense, a Slayer and a vampire in love, how tragic.

Lorne pulled her towards the stage. "I think I have exactly the right song for you." Lorne pointed to a title on the list of songs.

"I will not sing that," Buffy protested.

"Why not?"

"You just need to hear me sing, right? The song doesn't matter."

"Exactly, it doesn't matter what you sing. So you might as well sing that one. It's just a song. It doesn't have to mean anything."

Before Buffy could protest further, Lorne dragged her onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, demons and other unworldly beings. Tonight we present a talent from out of town. She is a bit nervous, so let's give her a round of applause."

Lorne consciously avoided mentioning that Buffy was the Slayer. His bar was neutral ground, but some of his guests might still feel intimidated and leave. The girl was already nervous enough, a fleeing audience wouldn't exactly boost her confidence. Lorne gave Buffy a little shove towards the microphone and gave the sign to start the music.

Buffy felt terribly uncomfortable on the stage. But she was trapped. She had to do this, if she wanted to know what was going on. She hoped there wasn't a demon from Sunnydale in the audience. She'd be the laughing stock of the cemeteries for years to come. Unless it was a vamp and she could stake him afterwards. Taking one deep breath, she closed her eyes and started to sing.

_I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes  
_

_You might say a little righteous and too proud  
_

_I just want to find a way to compromise  
_

_Cos I believe that we can work things out  
_

...

"Oh, dear," Lorne said.

"What?" Angel asked.

"Ssh."

_..._

_All I know is I'm lost without you_

_I'm not gonna lie_

_How am I going to be strong without you_

_I need you by my side  
_

_If we ever say we'll never be together and we ended with goodbye_

_Don't know what I'd do_

_..._

"Oh, dear."

"What is it?" Angel asked again, more insistently this time.

"Ssh."

_..._

_Baby I'm so lonely all the time  
_

_Everywhere I go I get so confused  
_

_You're the only thing that's on my mind  
_

_...  
_

"Oh, dear, oh, dear."

"Will you stop saying that?"

"Will you stop distracting me?"

_..._

_I'm lost without you  
_

_I keep trying to find my way but all I know is _

_I'm lost without you__I keep trying to face the day_

_I'm lost without you_

_...__  
_

After Buffy had finished her song, Lorne pulled her aside. "Come on, we'll talk somewhere more quiet."  
Angel automatically followed them, but Lorne said over his shoulder, "Have a drink. We might be a while. It's on the house."

* * *

"Do you know you are pregnant?" Lorne asked.

"Um… well… I… I did a pregnancy test, several actually, but they were both positive and negative. And these things are never a 100% and… I can't be pregnant since I haven't slept with anyone recently. So I thought maybe those tests don't work on Slayers or something. Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"It can't be."

"I see your problem, honey."

"Problem? Don't you think that's a slight understatement?"

"But you suspected it anyway, didn't you?"

"Well, I live and slay on the hellmouth. There's hardly anything we haven't seen. Although I wouldn't have minded another apocalypse instead."

"Why?"

"Why? Are you really that dense or are you trying your hand at some teach yourself how to be a demonic shrink?"

"No, I am just wondering why you think being pregnant is so bad? Most people start crying tears of joy when they find out."

"Again, a rather stupid question. But let me spell it out for you. I haven't slept with anyone. Not since… it's been ages, okay? Therefore, the most probable reason for me being in this state is a) a one night stand I can't remember or b) some demonic spell or other that put a spawn of evil into my body."

"I see why you would be upset over option b), but a) isn't too bad, I mean compared to b). Well, unless one would combine a) and b)."

"That's it, I've had it. Angel said you could help me, but obviously you just repeat my own words, make fun of me and think that is the answer to my problems. Have a nice life."

"Not so fast, little one. Okay, here it comes. Your skin crawls when you think it could have been a one-night stand because you feel like you would have betrayed Angel and that would finally, absolutely, irrefutably put the lid on any hope that he would come back to you."

Buffy had to sit. His words had been head on. "You got all this from one song?"

"I am good at what I do."

"So, was it a one-night stand?"

"Well, actually… um… that depends… on your definition of a one-night stand, I guess."

"What, are there different definitions depending on the demon or what?"

"Not exactly. Let's cover option b) first, shall we? I can assure you that there is definitely no evil power at work here. The baby is fine and so are you. My guess is, what you are experiencing, those slaying power fluctuations," Lorne waited for Buffy to confirm this. She nodded weakly and he went on, "it's not the baby draining you to get you hurt, but your powers trying to protect the baby."

"So the baby is human?"

"Yes, pumpkin. Absolutely."

"That still leaves the question of how did it get there? Wait a minute, is it mine?"

"Of course it is. Why shouldn't it be?"

"Well, because I had no part in this, at least not that I know of. Maybe somebody just mixed things up."

"I guess, living on the hellmouth can make people paranoid," Lorne said with a pitying look. "I don't think there was any mix-up," he assured her in a kind voice.

"And why do you think that?"

"You really have no clue who the father is?"

"God, I thought we covered that already, like two or three times."

"I guess."

"But you do know what happened to me?"

"No, not exactly."

"Then what do you know? How the hell did I get pregnant?"

"That is a really good question and I am curious to find out myself. I bet it makes for a very interesting story."

"So besides telling me it's not the devil's spawn I'm carrying, you don't know anything else?"

"That's not quite correct."

"Not quite correct? Can you be any more cryptic? Whatever you know, spill it now. It's my body, I have a right to know."

"Okay, okay, I am pretty sure I know who the father is."

"Great, I am not sure if I want to know, but tell me anyway," Buffy said resigned.

"Well, I am not so sure if that would be such a good idea right now."

Buffy groaned, "And why would that be?"

"Well, since you don't remember how it happened, maybe that bit of information would go well with the other still missing bit of information. And I have a feeling that Angel might be able to fill in some blanks for us," Lorne said carefully.

"Angel?" Buffy asked confused.

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

The song is "Lost without you" by Delta Goodrem.

Next chapter: How will Buffy deal with the truth? My guess is, Angel should hope Buffy doesn't have a stake on her. ;-)


	2. Stormy and turbulent

**Chapter 2 - Stormy and turbulent**

Lorne asked Angel to join them. The moment he set foot into the room, Buffy angrily demanded, "What did you do this time? Decided I needed a baby to have a normal life?"

"Baby?"

"I am not in the mood for puzzles, cryptic answers, riddles or anything else that does not qualify as a straight answer."

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Buffy."

"I am pregnant. Care to explain?"

"Pregnant? You are pregnant?" Angel looked rather hurt.

"Yes."

"Um… congratulations," he barely managed to get out.

"No, wrong answer. I want an explanation. Now!" Buffy was livid.

Lorne could see that this wasn't going anywhere so he said, "Sweety here doesn't remember the conception."

"But, I thought you were dating that army boy," Angel said confused.

"I have not… Why does everybody think… Wait a minute, how do you know about Riley?"

Angel realized he had slipped up. Buffy would be furious knowing he was keeping tabs on her again.

Before things could get out of hand Lorne interjected again, "She has not actually had sex since… well… you."

Buffy gave Lorne a murderous glance. What else had the green demon been spying on while she had been singing?

Now Angel was really confused. Did she remember that day after all? "Me as in…?" Angel asked cautiously.

"You as in the night of my seventeenth birthday?" Buffy suggested sarcastically.

"Oh, that time."

"What the hell do you mean by 'oh, that time'?" Buffy asked, trying to hide how much that comment hurt. "The one and only time, if you actually need a reminder." It seemed like Angelus and Angel actually were in agreement over that night, since even Angel had tried – and obviously succeeded - to forget about it.

"God, I don't care anymore how I got pregnant or who the damn father is. I'm just glad it isn't you." Buffy screamed. She stormed towards the door.

As Buffy reached for the door knob, Lorne gave Angel a hard stab to the ribs with his elbow. When Buffy had opened the door an inch Angel finally said, "I think I might be the father, if you really haven't slept with Riley."

Buffy froze on the spot. Not turning around, she slowly and quietly closed the door again. Still not turning around and gripping the door knob for support, she said in a whisper, "What? What did you say?"

"I said-"

Lorne leaned towards Angel and whispered in his ear, "If you don't wanna screw up completely, do leave the second part out this time."

Buffy had turned when she heard them whispering. With a face like stone she just stared at Angel and waited for him to say something.

Angel had to contemplate what exactly Lorne had been referring to. His mind was in absolute turmoil over what was unfolding here. Thinking was not his strong point at the moment. Again, Lorne stabbed him with his elbow.

"I think I might be the father," Angel said, observing Buffy closely.

"Come again?"

"I… you don't remember, do you?"

"I already told you that I have no clue what is going on here," Buffy said close to tears. "But obviously you do." Again he had kept things from her. Even after all this time apart it hurt like hell.

"I… for a moment there I thought… maybe even hoped that you… How can this be?" Turning to Lorne he said, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, you are the other part to this puzzle. I could feel it clearly."

"Oh, God, Buffy." Angel went over to where she was standing and wanted to embrace her, but she stopped him.

"No. You can't be the father of this child. Even if we had slept with each other, which we can't and didn't, since you are still you, and even if I wanted you to be, it's not possible. Right?" She looked at Angel. Looking at Lorne she repeated, "Right?"

"Well, cupcake, I know it sounds a bit strange, but I assure you, part of that child is him. How that is actually possible, I have no clue. But I am dying to hear this story." Lorne made himself comfortable in a chair, putting his feet up on the table and waited. Angel looked at him, motioning with his head for the door that he should leave them alone.

"No way, I earned it. Consider it my payment."

"Payment? You never charge for these things."

"Today is an exception."

"Fine, the short version. After that, you leave us alone." It wasn't a request.

"Well?" Buffy said.

"Remember Thanksgiving?"

"Sure."

"That day happened twice."

"Now that explains everything," Buffy said with as much sarcasm as she could muster.

"You don't remember the first time."

"I gathered as much."

"Although I thought you might have, when Lorne said before that you… that the last time you slept with anyone was… with me. For me that was only a few weeks ago, so I wasn't sure at first which time he was referring to, if you might have remembered." Taking a step closer to her, he whispered, "I would never forget that one night, Buffy. Never." He had noticed the flash of pain that had showed on her face for a second. "It's the most precious memory I own. Well, apart from…" Angel went over to the couch and sat down. He needed some distance between them. The memories of the day he had given back were an overwhelming bunch.

"In the first version of that day, I didn't kill the Mohra demon right there in the office. We followed it into the sewers."

Buffy snorted. Did everything damn thing in her life have to revolve around sewers?

"I came in contact with some of its blood. It made me human."

"What?"

"I was human. It took me a while to realize, but once I was sure, I followed you and found you at the pier. We went back to my place and talked, decided to take it slow, see what would happen, what it meant."

"You are kidding, right?" Buffy couldn't believe that she would have so much restraint.

Angel smiled. "No, but it didn't last long anyway. The next moment, we were making out on the kitchen table. We spent the whole day in bed." Angel sighed mentally. That had been the good part. Now came the bad part.

"Then, I went out to take care of the Mohra demon. It didn't work out the way I hoped. You had to save my life. After that I asked the Oracles to take back my humanity, because it would have ultimately meant your death. So they turned back the day and allowed only me to remember what had happened. I already knew how to kill the demon when it came through the window the next time and you know the rest."

For a long time, Buffy said absolutely nothing. Angel didn't dare to say another word either, not being able to read Buffy's reaction to what he had just told her. Even Lorne knew that his input was not desired at this moment. He just sat in his chair and tried not to make the least bit of noise to avoid any potential outburst being directed at him. He looked back and forth between Angel and Buffy, waiting for something to happen, but when that slight movement made his chair squeak, he even stopped that.

"You did what?" Buffy finally said, still trying to take everything in.

"I know you are angry with me, but… I did what I thought was best."

"For the last few weeks I almost got killed by amateur vamps, was worried sick about being impregnated by some evil power, thought I was going to die, take your pick. I even thought Giles had poisoned me again. I hardly was able to sleep and when I did, I had nightmares about what could be wrong with me."

"I didn't know you could get pregnant."

"If you had told me, or – here is a thought – had allowed me to remember as well, at least I would have had an idea what was happening to me. But no, you had to play save-the-world-on-your-own-and-be-the-martyr again, not letting me have any say in it. I am so sick of it. You put me through hell by not telling me."

"Buffy, please, I didn't mean to-"

Buffy held up a hand to silence him. Then she turned to Lorne. "You are sure I am pregnant?"

"Yes."

"You are sure the baby is fine?"

"Yes."

"Great, that's all I need to know. I'm finished here." She turned and left.

Angel ran after her. "Buffy, wait!"

"I can't talk to you right now. I simply can't. It's too much." She was really pregnant and Angel was the father. She got pregnant from a vampire. A vampire that had been human for one day. A day she didn't remember. A day that didn't exist. At least not anymore. But the baby was still here. She got pregnant from a vampire who for one day had been human and she couldn't remember. No matter how often she rearranged the facts in her head, they didn't make much sense.

Buffy made her way outside. Angel was still on her heels. "Buffy, I won't let you go like this. You could get hurt."

"I am just pregnant."

"I meant your slaying abilities. If they leave you again, you and the baby are unprotected."

"I just want to go home. I will still be able to drive a car. I don't need super powers to do that."

"Buffy, please. You are angry and I understand. But please don't drive like this."

"I am leaving and you can't do anything about it." Buffy turned to leave. But then she stopped and faced him again. "Wow, I'm having a déjà vu here, with role reversal though. How does it feel?"

Angel ignored her barb. "Let me drive you back to Sunnydale." He was not in a considerably better state of mind to drive, but still.

"I will not sit in one and the same car as you. What about 'I can't talk to you right now' is so difficult to understand?"

"You don't have to talk."

"I don't want to see you either."

That hurt. But Angel could see her point of view. "Okay, how about somebody else drives you back?"

"I will not burden anybody else just because you screwed up."

"Well, your car isn't even here. Mine is," Angel said a bit too smugly.

"Well," Buffy said in a voice just as smug as Angel's, "either you take me to my car right now or I will simply walk back."

Having no other choice, Angel drove her back to his place where Buffy had left her car. They drove in complete silence. Angel had thought that her anger would at least compel her to scream at him, to demand justifications or explanations from him. But she didn't utter one single word. When Angel stopped next to her car, she got out without saying one word or even looking at him. She slammed the door shut, got into her car and drove off.

Angel followed her. After a few blocks Buffy stopped and got out of her car. Angel slowed down and stopped as well. Buffy came over to the driver's side and with her arms crossed waited for him to turn down the window.

"Are you going to follow me all the way to Sunnydale?"

"That was the plan," Angel said calmly. He knew she would notice him following her and confront him.

"I am not that bad a driver."

"I just want to make sure you get there alright."

"I'll call when I get there, okay? I promise. Now leave me alone."

"Sorry, not gonna happen." He was sorry that he was going against her wishes by following her and aware that it would probably be counter-productive to getting her to talk to him. But he also knew that he would have no peace of mind if she went off like this. He could already imagine all the horrible scenarios of her driving too fast because she was angry with him and ending up in an accident.

"Fine, have it your way. I don't care if you waste your time and a lot of gas for no reason at all."

"Good, me neither."

"Damn it!" Buffy hit her palm against the door and yelled, "I can't deal with this right now!" Then she looked pleadingly at Angel and said, this time in a very weak voice, "I can't deal with this right now!"

Angel gently laid his hand on hers. Very calmly he said, "Buffy, I know that. I am not trying to push you. That's the last thing on my mind right now. I just want to see you get home in one piece, that's all. Please?"

Buffy took a deep breath and nodded. Angel very slowly removed his hand from hers, letting his fingers trail over her skin. Buffy turned and got back into her car.

When they arrived in front of Buffy's house, she got out of the car and quickly went inside, not once glancing over to where Angel had stopped his car.

Angel sat there for a long while, thinking about what he was gonna do. Buffy was pregnant. And he was the father. He had a hard time getting his head around this. It was unreal. He should drive back to LA and give Buffy some space. But ultimately they had to talk. About so much. He didn't even know where to start. Finally, Angel started the car. He only made it to the next crossing. He stopped the car again. He couldn't leave. It felt wrong. He started the car again and drove towards the mansion. It was all as he had left it, just a bit dustier maybe. He sat down on the couch and simply stared at the cold fireplace, unseeing. He would stay here. He couldn't leave. He would wait until Buffy was ready to talk.

TBC

**Note:**

Hope you liked it so far.

Next chapter: Angel has some convincing to do.


	3. Thin ice

**Chapter 3 - Thin ice**

**Note:**

Thanks for the reviews, guys!

* * *

Angel was sitting on the couch. He hadn't moved at all. He just kept sitting there, staring at the cold fireplace. The more he thought about everything, the darker his thoughts got. He should have been happy. He was going to be a dad. But what if Buffy didn't want him in her life anymore? What if she didn't want him in the baby's life? He couldn't really blame her. Who would want a vampire as a dad? What kid would want to build sand castles or play ball in the dark? Did Buffy even want a baby? Did she want his baby?

Maybe the trauma of the last days - and that's what it must have been like for her by what she had told him and by the way she had looked - had been too much. Maybe she didn't want the baby under those circumstances. Maybe she couldn't love the baby after having feared it was some evil power messing with her. Buffy had expected the worst. She hadn't been able to sleep and had had nightmares. Until now she only had bad memories to associate with the pregnancy. So far it had made her life hell. What if she just wanted to forget about everything associated with that experience? Buffy must feel like she had had no say in all this. She didn't remember their day together. She didn't remember how they made their baby. Angel felt like he had pushed her into something, something that was beyond her control now. And with the missing memories, she must feel like she never had control over it in the first place. It was almost like he had violated her. Her loosing her memories was like loosing her consent retrospectively to everything that had happened that day.

And what if she was afraid a baby would threaten her chance at a normal life? A baby would surely upset the new guy in her life, a human guy, a normal guy, who went to college and had a day-time job. It was everything Angel couldn't give her. But obviously, they hadn't been as close as Angel had thought. Or had been led to believe? Maybe his choice for a source on Buffy's life had not been as ideal as Angel had thought.

When he had left Sunnydale he had needed to know how Buffy was doing. He couldn't have asked Xander, although the guy would have probably loved rubbing the news about Riley in his face. And Angel couldn't trust Willow to keep anything from Buffy. So that had only left Giles. Angel had asked him and told him that staying away would be easier for him, if he knew that Buffy was alright. Giles had agreed reluctantly, not wanting to go behind Buffy's back, but also wanting her to go on with her life undisturbed. And if that meant keeping Angel in LA and letting him know that Buffy was alright once in a while, what could be so wrong about that? Angel should have considered that Giles was not always in the loop, especially when it came to Buffy's private life. And Giles probably just saw what he wanted to see and what Buffy would let him see. He certainly wasn't an expert on the dating life of young American women. Maybe he even wanted Angel to believe that Buffy had moved on.

Angel knew he was driving himself crazy with all this thinking and brooding. But until Buffy didn't agree to talk to him, it was all he could do. Then something occurred to him. When Buffy was ready to talk, would she find him here? Angel decided to write her a note and drop it by her house so she would know where to find him.

* * *

When Buffy got home, she went straight to her room. She didn't want to talk to her mom. She considered calling Willow but she would see her tomorrow anyway. She was so angry and confused. She paced up and down in her room. She wanted to hit something, preferably Angel. Buffy tried to focus on the positive things. There was baby in her, a human baby, that wasn't part of an evil plot to destroy the world. But how did she get pregnant at all? How could she have gotten pregnant from Angel? She believed what Lorne had told her. And she didn't doubt the rather fantastic tale Angel had told her either. But it was a lot to take in. She touched her stomach. There was nothing there yet. It was so unreal. If it really happened over Thanksgiving she wouldn't be showing for quite a while.

Her life had done a 180 degree turn and Buffy hadn't even been aware of it. She had been completely blind-sided. She wasn't able to think clearly. She had no idea how to deal with this. She was the Slayer. Slayers were not supposed to be pregnant, at least not that she knew of. God, what would Giles say? What would her mother say? What would they say when they found out who the father was? Her mother would probably have a heart attack. She had taken a ridiculous liking to Riley even though she had met him only once when he had come by unannounced to offer to help her with a paper. Noticing that Riley seemed interested in Buffy, she regularly dropped comments about what a nice guy he was and that Buffy should go out with him. He did seem like a nice guy, but Buffy didn't want to date. She was far from over Angel. She knew she'd only use Riley to get over Angel, probably unsuccessfully, too.

She didn't want to get over Angel. She didn't think she ever could, especially now that she was pregnant from him. She still wanted him, there was no denying it. But would he change his attitude towards them being together just because she was pregnant? Besides, a baby would upset his new perfect life he had made for himself in LA. This train of thought was not doing anything to calm her down, to the contrary, she was just as wound up as before if not more. She needed to stop thinking for a while. She needed something to distract her. She needed action. Buffy grabbed a cross and a couple of stakes. She might as well do something useful and go out on patrol.

* * *

Angel had made his way to Buffy's house. He considered sliding the note under the door, but he didn't want Buffy's mother to find it. He walked around the house until he was standing beneath Buffy's window. Would she be asleep? The window was open. He could leave the note in her room. But what if she was still awake? She would think he was stalking her or trying to push her. Suddenly Buffy's head appeared in the window. Angel felt like he had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing. Buffy looked rather shocked to see him standing there.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to crowd you," Angel hastily tried explain. "I just wanted to leave this note." He looked at the note and then up at Buffy. He crumpled the paper to a ball and threw it towards her. Buffy caught it easily. "Um… it just says that you can find me at the mansion, in case you want to talk. That's all. No pressure or anything. I just wanted to let you know."

"Oh, okay," Buffy said, coming out of her stupor.

Angel gave her a small smile and then left. He decided not to go directly back to the mansion, since it seemed that Buffy wasn't ready to talk yet. Thinking he might as well kill some vamps, he made his way to the cemeteries. Maybe it would help him get his mind off things.

* * *

When Angel turned to leave, Buffy released a sigh of relief. That had been close. If Angel had realized that she had been about to climb out the window to go on patrol, he surely would not have left but followed her around the whole night. Buffy waited a couple more minutes until she made her way out the window to head for the cemeteries. Buffy knew she had to be careful. Her powers were not really reliable and she was pregnant. And tonight there was an additional factor that was not in her favor, her mind was anywhere but on slaying. But she was the Slayer, she had a job to do.

The first few vamps were no problem. Since her first night when that vamp had thrown her against a tree, she had become more careful. Before, she had always been rather aggressive, now she tried to be more efficient while slaying, avoiding hits and only aiming for the kill when she had a clear shot. Before, she had never worried about that. A few hits here and there were part of the job, no big deal. But now that she knew the cause, everything would have to change even more. She didn't know how though. How big were her chances of even carrying the baby to term with such a job? But putting slaying on hold was not an option. There was nobody else to take over her duties.

Her musings made Buffy inattentive to what was happening in her close proximity. Several vamps had been following her for a while now, waiting for their turn to challenge the Slayer. Buffy didn't even notice them until the first one lunged himself at her. He threw her to the ground, but Buffy managed to get out under him, getting up more quickly than him and staking him when he had just gotten to his knees. The next vamp was already charging for her. Buffy managed to sidestep him. That's when the third vamp decided to join the fight. He grabbed her from behind and threw her against a tombstone. Buffy was able to brace the impact with her arms, consciously protecting her stomach area as best as she could, but scraping her arms badly. When the vamp came after her again, she used the tombstone to hold on to and kick him with her feet. The kick was not as strong as she would have expected, sending her attacker tumbling, but only a few feet. Buffy cursed. Her powers had left her again. With two vamps still standing she was in serious trouble.

The other vamp grabbed her from behind. Buffy managed to put a stake into his side. She knew she would miss the heart but hoped he would let go of her. But he just laughed. "You drunk or why is your aim so bad?"

"Just you wait 'til I get-"

The vamp had her in a stranglehold and started to choke her. "What? What did you say? I can't hear you."

The other vamp had recovered and was leisurely walking towards Buffy. "Now we have a problem. There's two of us, but just one of you. Don't you know you should never go out alone after dark? That way we wouldn't have to share you now."

Buffy was starting to get dizzy. But suddenly the vamp behind her turned to dust and she was free. Falling to the ground, she coughed and tried to catch her breath. By the time she looked up, the second vamp had exploded to dust as well and a very angry Angel was standing in front of her in full vamp face. The next moment he was kneeling beside her.

"Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" he asked worried.

"We are okay," Buffy managed to get out in between coughs.

"We should get you to a hospital."

"I am fine, really. Just give me a second." Buffy leaned back against a tombstone and took some deep breaths.

"Buffy, please, I saw how you were thrown against the tombstone." Angel had been close by, when he heard fighting. When he realized that it was Buffy, he hurried to help her but then a fledgling rose from his grave right in front of him. If he had ignored him for the time being maybe he would have been by her side earlier.

"I didn't hit it head-on. My arms got in the way," Buffy tried to joke and showed him her arms.

Angel inspected the cuts closely. "They are still bleeding."

"I know, I guess it takes a while for my body to realize that the baby is okay or that the danger is over."

"Huh?" Angel was confused.

Buffy had forgotten that Angel didn't know about the connection between the baby and her fluctuating powers, as Lorne had told her before Angel had joined them. "Lorne said that me loosing my slaying abilities has to do with the baby. He said it's a mechanism to protect the baby. I hurt, but the baby gets extra protection. Kind of useful in my job, don't you think?" Buffy asked almost cheerily.

"Damn it, Buffy. What are you even doing here?"

"Slaying?" As if that wasn't obvious.

"Buffy, please don't be reckless just to punish me for what happened."

"I am not."

"Then why are you out here slaying?"

"I have a job to do." Buffy got up and dusted off her clothes.

"Is that job more important than the baby?"

"I can't simply take maternity leave. It's not an option."

"So slaying has priority?"

"I can't allow this to influence my duties. My chances of carrying this baby to term are more than slim anyway. It's not only affecting my powers but my ability to think clearly."

"Are you saying you are considering to get rid of it?" Angel asked alarmed.

Buffy considered for a moment if she should leave him in the dark and make him suffer a bit, but quickly decided against it. "No, I could never get rid of your child." Buffy leaned against the tombstone, physically and mentally exhausted. "I just can't think clearly right now. I can't believe that I am really pregnant from you. I mean, I believe Lorne, but still… it is... it was supposed to be impossible."

"I know. But I am glad we beat the odds."

Buffy didn't reply.

"You don't want this, do you?" Angel asked sadly.

"Want what?"

"The baby."

"I just told you I would never abort it."

"But you didn't say that you wanted it either."

"I don't know what I want. I used to. I knew exactly what I wanted. But it wasn't what you wanted. So why should it matter now what I want?"

"Buffy…"

"No, I don't know what to think anymore. I don't get you. You leave, we broke up, you broke up, we are not even supposed to be able to have sex with each other and despite all this you still got me pregnant."

"Buffy, I know you are confused. So am I."

"How helpful."

"Will you at least let me finish?"

Buffy crossed her arms and waited for him to go on.

"I know this wasn't planned, far from it. I know it is a shock to you. It is to me as well. But I don't regret that it happened or how it happened, not even for one second."

"Great, I guess I have to take your word for it because I DON'T remember any of it!" Buffy yelled.

"What do you want me to do?" Angel asked desperately. "Just tell me."

"I don't know."

"Let me be there for you."

"For how long? Until the baby is born? Until one of your cases calls you back to LA? Until you think we are better off without you?"

"No! I don't know."

"Great. When you can figure that out, maybe we can talk again. But until then…" Buffy turned and started to walk away.

"Buffy, I want to be with you," Angel called after her, "with you and the baby."

She turned around to face Angel. "Why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, simple question: why?"

"Because I don't think I can live without you."

"Really?" Buffy asked skeptical. "You haven't done too badly over the last couple of months - without me."

"I missed you every single day," Angel objected.

"But obviously not enough to come back."

"Is that what you want?" Angel asked frantically.

"I don't want you to come back because I am pregnant. Because besides me being pregnant nothing really has changed, has it?"

"No, it hasn't. But-"

"You left and you could do it again. And I can't go through that again."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Do you still love me?"

Buffy didn't answer right away. How could he even ask that?

"Simple question. Yes or no?" Angel needed to know, needed to be sure.

"Yes," Buffy answered, but her face showed only sadness.

"Don't you want to know if I still love you?" Angel asked cautiously.

"It doesn't matter."

"How can it not matter?"

"You said it before. It didn't mean a thing."

"You know that's not true," Angel protested miserably.

"Fine, let me rephrase that," Buffy relented. "It didn't change a thing."

Angel couldn't understand why Buffy was so skeptical. When he had been human she hadn't even blinked an eye before she fell into his arms at the pier. On that day she had never doubted his love once. Was it because he had been able to show her?

"You know why I left, Buffy. It wasn't because I don't love you. It was _because _I love you. And you said you understood. You said you understood that turning back time was better."

"I don't remember!"

Angel took a step towards her. "Then let me tell you."

"What for? Why now? You decided before that I was better off forgetting."

"Maybe that was wrong."

"Maybe?"

"You don't know what it was like. Those memories… they haunt me every day and every night. We-"

"Stop it!" Buffy screamed. "Stop it! I don't remember. But you seem to forget that. I don't remember!"

"You promised," Angel said quietly.

"What?" Buffy asked confused.

"You said you wouldn't forget," Angel said sadly.

"What?"

"You said you wouldn't forget."

"I heard you. But I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Before, at Lorne's, I thought you had remembered. I so hoped that you would. I wanted you to. But I didn't want to be the one to make your life more complicated again. If you were meant to remember, then…"

"Then what?" Buffy yelled. "Then it would have been okay? Let me tell you something about 'meant to be'. It was meant to be that I should have died at the hands of the Master. If we had sat back and let that happen, I would be dead now. It was never meant to be that you and I would make this baby together." She put her hand on her stomach. "Where and when did you start thinking that letting our lives be dictated by some prophecies and other meant-to-bes would be a great idea?"

Slowly Buffy turned to leave the cemetery. When she had taken only a few steps away from Angel, still with her back to him, she said very quietly, so that only he could hear her, "I do love you. But it seems, for us it is somehow never enough."

Then she walked away and left him standing there to ponder over what she had said.

"It should be."

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

Next chapter: The convincing goes into the last round. Show down. But not for the story.


	4. Silver lining

**Chapter 4 – Silver lining**

**Note:**

Thanks for all your reviews. You are spoiling me. But don't stop ;-) Some of your reviews even made me laugh out loud.

* * *

"So, how did it go?" Willow asked the next day.

"Well, we were both right," Buffy said, still frustrated from her talk with Angel.

"How exactly do you mean?"

"Well, you were right because I am pregnant. And I was right because the father is a demon."

"What?" Willow asked horror-stricken.

"A good demon," she added quickly. "Angel is the father."

"What?" Willow asked in an even more high-pitched voice.

"It's a long story and apparently Angel is the only one who can remember how it happened."

"But," Willow prodded carefully, "it's a good thing, right? I mean, Angel is the father."

"Yeah, great, we slept with each other and he didn't see it necessary to tell me."

"Yeah, okay, that's not so great. But since you are pregnant, would there be anybody you'd rather have as a daddy for your baby?" Willow asked with a kind smile.

"No," Buffy said quietly. "But…"

"But nothing. You love him, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Then what are you even doing back here? You need to talk to him."

"He followed me to Sunnydale. And we did talk last night. But I can't do anything else. He says he doesn't regret what happened. But he has left me before. Nothing has changed. I don't want to go through that again. And I don't want my baby to go through that one day. I understand that he is as overwhelmed by the situation as I am. Well, maybe not quite. But that's not the point. I need him to make up his mind once and for all. I want him to stay. There's nothing I want more than for him to stay. I'm not sure if I can do this without him. But I need to be sure that this time it is really forever and not an empty promise."

"Have you told him that you want him to be there for you and the baby?"

"Well, not exactly. I might have implied that-"

"He's a man, Buffy. Implying never is enough with them."

"I guess."

"Then tell him."

"I don't want him to stay because of the baby."

"Why not?"

"Because I want him to stay because of me."

"He loves you."

"Yeah, he does. And it wasn't enough last time."

"Exactly, so you have to fight for him. Buffy, if he stays, it won't be just because of the baby. He wanted to stay last time. But he thought you were better off without him. Make him realize that that isn't so. Make him realize that you and the baby will be better off with him around. Tell him you want him around. Tell him you need him. Tell him the baby needs him. But you have to tell him. Otherwise he will just assume you two are better off without him. Don't let him. Fight for him."

What Willow said made sense. Buffy had to lay the cards on the table and tell Angel what she expected from him. He had even asked her to tell him. But she expected him to simply know what she needed. She should have known better, since obviously his ideas for what was best for her didn't match Buffy's. But to her defense, last night she hadn't been able to form a clear thought. It was still not an easy task. There was so much to think through and consider now, the slaying, her mother, Giles. It was overwhelming. The best course of action was to take one step at a time. And important things had to come first, like making sure that Angel would stay with her and their baby.

Willow could see that Buffy was deep in thought and didn't want to disturb her. Willow thought the two had made the perfect pair, despite the fact that Buffy was the Slayer and Angel a vampire. She believed that nobody could make Buffy as happy as Angel had. If he would only see that, too. This time it simply had to work out. She knew Buffy's heart would probably shatter irreparably if it didn't work out with Angel this time.

"Thanks, Will. You are absolutely right," Buffy finally said.

"So you will talk to him and tell him?" Willow looked at her sternly, making sure she wouldn't back out.

"Yeah, I will," Buffy promised.

"What are you waiting for then?" Willow asked happily.

"It's day time. Angel is probably asleep."

Willow smiled at her mischievously. "So?"

Buffy grinned. The thought of catching Angel asleep and surprising him was indeed quite tempting.

"At least that way you know where to find him, since he can't be running around Sunnydale while the sun is still up. If you wait for nightfall, he might be out to hunt or stack up his… um… blood supplies," Willow pointed out.

"Will, you really are a genius." Buffy hugged her friend tightly and then took off for the mansion.

* * *

Excitedly, Buffy ran into the mansion, heading straight for Angel's bedroom. It was empty. Buffy checked every other room, getting more and more disheartened with each room she found empty. Angel wasn't there. It was day time. Maybe he had gotten trapped somewhere by the sun after their talk. Maybe he had gone for a walk and forgotten the time and had had to take cover somewhere.

Then something occurred to Buffy. She went back outside and her heart fell. His car wasn't there either. She went back inside and looked for any sign that Angel had been at the mansion at all. She wandered aimlessly through the rooms again. They all looked untouched. Finally, she ended up in his old bedroom. The bed didn't look used. Angel must have left last night.

Had she driven him away? Maybe he was fed up with her. She had done nothing but blame him for everything. She hadn't even given him a chance to explain. Had she been too hard on him? If she was lucky, he would overlook it and blame it on her hormones. But when had she ever gotten lucky? She looked down at her stomach. No, she was lucky. If she had been good at math, she would have been able to calculate how small the odds were for this little miracle growing inside her. The thought that she might have screwed up and driven Angel away and therefore deprived her baby of a father made her feel like crying. In fact, Buffy noticed, she didn't only feel like crying, she was already crying. Hot teardrops were running down her face. Not knowing what else to do or where else to go, Buffy simply lay down on Angel's bed and cried until she was even too exhausted to cry anymore and fell asleep.

* * *

Angel had indeed left Sunnydale. He'd left shortly after his talk with Buffy. He wanted to reach LA before sunrise. But he had a good reason for leaving. Angel was on his way to see the Oracles. He would ask them to give Buffy her memories back.

Angel made it to the Oracles just as the first rays of sunlight hit LA.

"What do you want?" the Oracles asked.

"On the day you took back, the Slayer and I made a baby."

"Yes, we know."

"She needs the memories back that were taken from her. She needs to know how the baby was conceived."

"Why?"

"She needs to know how beautiful it was, that we both wanted it, that we both enjoyed it, that it wasn't a mistake."

"That was the deal."

"Yes, I know. But what if our child one day asks Buffy how it was conceived? It needs to know it was the result of love."

"The Slayer doesn't need the memories to tell that."

"What if she doesn't believe it herself? What if she doubts it? The day wasn't mine to take, it was our day. She will never understand why I had to do it, if she doesn't have the memories. You took those memories. They weren't yours to take."

"Fine, we'll give them back."

"Thank you. Could you wait until I am back in Sunnydale? I don't want her to go through that alone."

"As you wish. Take this. When she puts it on, she will remember."

Something dropped out of nowhere and made a chinking noise when it hit the floor. It was Buffy's claddagh ring. It was smaller than his own and he knew his was safely tucked away.

"Where did you get this?" Angel asked, but found that he had already been send back to the hotel. It was a sensible choice, since it was already light outside. But now he was stuck there until sunset.

* * *

When Angel arrived at the mansion, he found Buffy lying on his bed, rolled into a tiny ball. He could see that she had been crying. He sat down and gently brushed her hair away from her face. Buffy stirred.

"Hey," Angel said tenderly.

"Hey. I thought you had gone back to LA."

"I did." Angel saw Buffy's disappointed face and went on. "I needed to get something."

"Oh."

"Don't you want to know what I got?" Angel asked with a teasing smile.

"Um… I guess," Buffy said carefully.

"Well, it concerns you."

"You got me something?"

Angel nodded

"What?"

He held out his hand and opened it slowly. Buffy's eyes brightened when she saw what he was holding. "My ring."

"Yeah."

Buffy sat up and made to reach for it, but Angel stopped her. "Wait a moment. I need to explain something first. I didn't go back for the ring. I didn't even know where it was. I went back to get you the memories you are missing."

"What?"

"I asked the Oracles to give you back the memories from our day together. And they agreed."

"Really?"

"Yes, and they gave me the ring. When you put it on, it should trigger the memories." Angel held the ring close to her finger, about to put it on. "Ready?"

Buffy noticed that he was wearing his own claddagh ring again. She smiled at Angel and nodded. But then something occurred to her. "Wait!"

Angel just looked at her puzzled.

"Do you want me to remember?" Buffy asked.

"What?"

"Do you want me to remember?"

"I thought that's what you wanted," Angel said confused.

"It is. But is it what you want, too?" Buffy asked unsure. "Because if you rather not have me remember, for whatever reason, I trust your judgment on that. I know I didn't show that very well up to now," Buffy said apologetically. "But I trust you more than anybody else. I don't know what happened on that day. I can hardly even imagine. But from what you said it was not just good memories. I don't know how that could be possible. I couldn't imagine anything that would want me not to remember. But I trust you to make that decision for me."

"Oh, Buffy, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that." Angel tenderly stroked her cheek. "Those memories are… they are a heavy burden to bear because they are so beautiful," he started to explain. "They will show you what we can probably never have again. I do want you to remember. I want you to remember that our baby was the result of a day full of passion and love. It was the happiest day of my life. And I would love to be able to share this day with you once more. And maybe those memories are so hard to bear because up to now I had to bear them alone."

Buffy smiled at him lovingly. "You don't ever have to do anything alone anymore." She held up her hand.

Angel put the ring on her finger.

It was a good thing that Buffy was sitting down on the bed. She had tried to imagine what it would have been like to spend one day with Angel, without the curse, without having to worry about going too far, walking with him in sunlight, like a normal couple. But it didn't even come close to what that day really had been like.

All the memories came rushing back at once. All the emotions washed over her like a huge wave, overwhelming her with so many different sensations that it was hard to distinguish one from the other at first. Buffy remembered their reunion at the pier in broad daylight. She saw them making out on the kitchen table. She remembered how they had made love, desperate and urgently at first, slow and with relish later. She recalled how they had fooled around, how Angel had lavished her body, how they had been as carefree as never before. And then Buffy felt the despair, when Angel had told her that this day would be nothing but a memory for him and not even a memory for her. She remembered the pain in Angel's eyes when he had told her and she heard herself promising to never forget.

Tears streamed down Buffy's face. Tightly she gripped Angel's hand. While Angel had had the reassurance of their day together, Buffy had had no such thing to hold on to. Deep in her heart she had always known that Angel still loved her, that his leaving didn't diminish their love, on neither side. But the pain over his leaving had slowly overshadowed everything, even the faith in their love.

Buffy threw herself into his arms and started sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Angel gently pushed her away from him to see her face. "What are you sorry for?" he asked alarmed.

"For doubting you, for thinking you left me because you didn't want me anymore. I'm sorry. It never changed a thing in the first place. I know that now. I'm sorry about what I said to you."

Angel just held her as she cried. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I wanted you to think that."

"But I knew. I knew why you did it. But it hurt so much that I didn't care about the why, just that you did."

"It's okay." Angel held her until Buffy had calmed down a bit. "We'll figure this out."

Buffy pushed away from Angel and looked at him with determination. "I don't want to figure this out. I don't want endless discussions about the pros and cons. I need you here. I want you here. If that is not what you want, then tell me now. But I can't wait for weeks for you to make up your mind."

"I won't leave you unprotected during the pregnancy, Buffy."

"And afterwards?"

"If you want-"

"I want all or nothing, Angel. No compromises, no arrangements. It's what I always wanted. And if you don't trust my word on this, then there is nothing I can do. Please, believe me when I say I love you and I want nothing more than for you to stay with me and our baby, 'til death do us part."

"What about Riley?"

"Did you hear one word I just said?"

"Yes, I did."

"Then what is your answer?"

"I want this as much as you."

"Then what is the problem? Why do you still have doubts?"

"You deserve so much more."

"More than what? More than the man I love? More than the baby I always wanted but never though we could have? I want for you to stay and never leave again. And that is up to you."

"I love you more than anything else in the world. I never wanted to leave you in the first place. I never wanted to give back that day. I just thought… God, if I had known… I'm so sorry, Buffy, so sorry for all the pain I have caused you. Please forgive me."

Buffy smiled and brushed away the tears that were spilling out of his eyes. "Just don't do it again," she teased.

"The rest of my undead life is yours."

"Finally," Buffy sighed relieved.

Angel pulled her back into his arms and lay down on the bed. "I need to wrap some things up in LA though. But I want you to come with me."

"Don't worry, I understand. Take as much time as you want."

"No, you misunderstand. I don't want you alone for one minute. Those images of you being thrown against that tombstone will haunt me for weeks to come."

"I'll be careful."

"This has nothing to do with being careful, Buffy. You can't influence it. When your powers are gone, they are gone." Angel tenderly touched her belly, reminding her why he didn't want her to be alone right now.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"I could go and see Lorne. I think we left him rather abruptly."

"Yeah, I guess. But he was nosy."

"Without him I still wouldn't know what is wrong with me. Well, not wrong… you know what I mean."

"I'm sorry, Buffy, so sorry about what you went through because of me. I could have spared you the uncertainty, if I had known…"

"It's okay. You couldn't have known."

"When do you want to tell the others?"

"Well, I guess since we have to go to LA for a bit, I have to tell them why and that you will be back for good afterwards. I mean, otherwise they will wonder, when you just start to hang around again."

Angel sighed.

"You'd rather want to wait?"

"No, we should do it as quickly as possible."

"If we tell them before we go to LA, they'll have some time to cool down and get used to the idea."

Angel looked at her unsure.

"Don't worry. Willow knows already and she's thrilled."

"Well, one down, several to go." He didn't sound too enthusiastic.

"I wouldn't worry too much about Giles either. He likes you."

"I killed his girl-friend. And he is very protective of you. You are like a daughter to him, Buffy."

Buffy shrugged her shoulders and smiled. "Then now he gets to be a grandparent as well."

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

Next chapter: How will Joyce, Giles and the Scooby Gang react to the news?


	5. Weathering the inevitable

**Chapter 5 - Weathering the inevitable**

Buffy and Angel had thought about telling the others one person at a time, but finally decided to get it over and done with and tell them all together. Buffy had invited Willow, Xander and Giles over to her mom's house. She hadn't told them why she wanted to see them. Buffy was glad that at least Willow knew already and was on their side. Xander was the only other person she was certain on which side he was, namely not on theirs. Giles and her mother were harder to predict. She had told Angel that he shouldn't worry about Giles, but now she wasn't so sure anymore. She hoped he would be happy for her. But Angel had a point. He had killed the woman Giles had loved and now he was the father of his protégé's baby. How well would that go over with him? Buffy was the most worried about her mom. She would probably freak out. Buffy had some hope that the baby might placate her because it was at least an inch of a normal life she had always wanted for her daughter. But could she overlook the fact that the father was not normal at all?

"Relax, it's gonna be fine," Angel said, when they approached the house. They had deliberately been late to avoid having to explain to her mother what Angel was doing here before the others would arrive.

"Wasn't I the one who had to reassure you last night?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah, so why are you so jittery today?"

"Why aren't you?" Buffy asked surprised and definitely on edge herself.

"Well, I was thinking that since Willow is on our side, she won't put a spell on me for getting you pregnant. Your mother probably isn't too proficient with a stake to be a threat. Xander I can take out easily. Giles probably needs some tea first before he decides on how to punish me. And after a cup of tea he hopefully sees the error in killing your baby's father."

"Interesting train of thought," Buffy said, not feeling better one bit.

Angel stopped her and grabbed her shoulders gently but firmly. "That was my try at lightening the situation. Since it didn't work too well, here is my second set of thoughts. Buffy, no matter what happens in there I will not leave. And I won't let anybody take you or our baby away from me. I don't care what they will think of me or of you. It's not important. The only thing that is important is that we are together and that we are there for our baby. We can do this with our without them. Of course I would prefer to have them on our side, but it is not a necessity. If need be, we can do this without them." Angel looked at her searchingly, waiting to see some sign that his words had sunk in.

Buffy tried to muster a smile and nodded. "I guess."

"I'm sure it'll be fine, Buffy."

Buffy took a deep breath. Angel put his arm around her shoulder and steered her towards the house again.

* * *

"Where is Buffy?" Xander asked impatiently.

"I'm sure she was held up. Maybe she came across some vamps on her way here," Willow said.

"Can I offer anybody something to drink?" Joyce asked. "Would you like some tea, Mr. Giles?"

"Um… no, thank you, Mrs. Summers. Maybe we should wait until Buffy arrives to see what it is she wanted to tell us first. But thank you for the offer," Giles replied politely.

"Willow? Xander?"

"No, thank you," Willow said, way too jumpy to even think about drinking anything.

"Sure, I'll have some lemonade" Xander said. Willow gave him a disapproving look and Xander amended, "Water will do. Thanks."

Joyce was still in the kitchen when Buffy came through the door. When Angel came in right after her, Xander burst out, "What is he doing here?"

Willow hit him lightly on the shoulder and admonished him. "Xander, behave!"

"Hi, everyone," Buffy said reserved. That moment, Joyce returned with Xander's drink. "Hi, mom."

"Buffy. Angel," Joyce said surprised. Not knowing what else to say, she asked awkwardly, "Would you like something to drink?"

"No. Um… we have some things to tell you."

"We?" Xander said unbelievingly. "Please don't tell me you are letting that thing back into your life. Our lives. I'd like to reach the average life span of a male American citizen. And with him around that's not gonna happen."

Buffy had expected backlash from Xander. But it still hurt.

"Xander!" Willow admonished him again.

"No, I will say this. Don't tell me you are on her side. He tried to kill us."

"Will you at least let them finish first?" Willow asked.

"Buffy, what is this all about?" Joyce asked.

"Mom, I… we…" Buffy stuttered.

Giles noticed how Angel was holding Buffy's hand and how Buffy dug her fingers into his hand. It must have hurt even him. She seemed extremely tense. Angel lightly stroked his thumb over her skin in an effort to calm her down. This was more than a simple case of we-are-back-together. What else could there possibly be that would make her so anxious? "Buffy, you asked us here to tell us something. It seems we are all here now. What is it you wanted to tell us?" Giles prodded with a kind voice.

Angel squeezed her hand and Buffy took a deep breath. "Well, where to start?" Buffy chuckled nervously.

"You could start from the beginning," Giles suggested calmly.

"It has to do with the problems I had with my slaying… um… with some vamps." Buffy kept it deliberately vague as to not upset her mother more than necessary. "I went to LA to find out more. Angel took me to see a friend of his. He…" Buffy took a deep breath and decided to do it the blunt way, since that was what she did best. "I'm pregnant."

Willow gave Buffy an encouraging nod.

"And Angel is the father."

Xander's mouth fell open and would have fit a whole swarm of bees in it. Joyce looked at her daughter as if she had grown horns. Giles took off his glasses, but forgot what he wanted to do with them and kept holding them in front of him in mid-air.

When after a few seconds nobody had said a word, Willow ran over to Buffy, embraced her and joyfully said with an unnecessarily loud voice, "Congratulations!" Expectantly she looked at the other people in the room, hoping someone else would join her in her jubilation. Her plan failed miserably.

When her gaze fell on Xander, he said accusingly, "You knew, didn't you? You knew."

"Nice try, Will," Buffy said. "I appreciate it."

"Buffy, did I hear you right? Did you say you are pregnant?" Joyce asked.

"Yes, mom."

Joyce sat down on the sofa.

Giles looked at Buffy, then at Angel. "How? How could that be? You are still a vampire, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am."

"Then how?"

Angel looked at Buffy to see if she wanted to explain this part.

"You tell them."

"I was human for one day. But I had to turn back the day. Nobody but me remembered that day. Not even Buffy remembered it happened at all."

"Human?"

"Yes, I came in contact with the blood of a Mohra demon."

"A Mohra demon? I have only read of them, but I didn't know they could have that effect on vampires."

"Me neither."

"How interesting. And did it reverse everything or just certain aspects of your vampirism?" Giles asked intrigued.

"Everything."

"You mean you were able to walk in sunlight?"

"Yes."

"Fascinating."

"Excuse me, can we please come back to the matter at hand?" Joyce asked in disbelief.

"I absolutely agree," Xander said. "How could you sleep with him, Buffy?"

"He was human, Xander."

"I guess we have to take your word for that," Xander snorted.

"I was human and there was no risk involved," Angel said calmly.

"Except for Buffy getting pregnant by you," Xander spat back.

"Buffy, you are barely nineteen," Joyce pointed out.

"Mom, I know that. But for me chances to turn even 25 are very slim. I don't want to leave a baby behind, but if I ever want to have one, now is better for me than later."

"I will not let any harm come to you, Buffy," Angel said.

"I am the Slayer, Angel. There is nothing you can do about that."

"But, Buffy, this obviously wasn't planned and-" Joyce started.

"It wasn't, and I don't care. I want this baby."

Angel's eyes lit up. He looked at Buffy joyfully. It was the first time she had said that she really wanted the baby.

"But, Buffy, what about Riley?"

"Riley? How can you think about Riley right now?" Buffy asked incredulously.

"He is a nice young man. How could you deceive him like this?"

"Deceive him? We didn't even date."

"But he likes you."

Buffy couldn't believe this. How could somebody be so in denial? "But I love Angel."

Angel stared at Joyce with cold eyes. "Mrs. Summers, I don't care what you think of me. But I will not leave my baby to be raised by somebody else. I will not leave Buffy ever again!"

His words made Buffy happy. It was the first time he didn't suggest she would be better off with somebody else than him.

"Mom, why can't you understand? This is what I always wanted. This is an absolute miracle. This baby shouldn't even be here, because its conception basically never happened. And it might have been an accident, but it is absolutely wanted."

"But-"

"Mom, please, just be happy for me. Because this is the only child I will ever have. There won't be another one." Joyce started to say something, but Buffy went on. "I will never want a child with somebody else after this. Never did in the first place. This is your only shot at being a grandmother."

Buffy waited for her mother to say something. But she just sat on the couch and looked back and forth between her daughter and Angel.

"Please, mom, I know this is a shock. It was for us, too, at first. Just think about it, okay? I'll stay at the mansion tonight."

Buffy and Angel turned towards the door. Xander wanted to say something. But Willow, who had been observing him closely to prevent him from doing anything stupid, hissed at him, "Don't even think about it!"

Xander gave Willow a defying look. He was just about to say something, when Giles stepped into his field of view and instead of glaring at Buffy and Angel's backs Xander now looked into the threatening eyes of Giles. They unnerved Xander long enough for Buffy and Angel to shut the door behind them without realizing what was going on.

Xander started to go after them, but again Giles stepped into his way. "Buffy was gracious enough to invite us here tonight to share some very important news with her closest family and friends. I think your part was nothing else but listening. Be thankful that you were invited at all, for I believe Buffy was aware of how you would react. I don't believe anything you could say would be of much value to any of us right now. And since this wasn't a discussion to begin with but rather an announcement, I suggest you keep your mouth shut."

* * *

Angel and Buffy left and made their way back to the mansion.

"Buffy!"

They turned around and saw Giles coming after them.

Giles was worried. He didn't want Buffy to feel she had to run away again, if everything got to be too much. Although with Angel around he wasn't too worried about that. But a pregnant Slayer, the implications were unpredictable. But Buffy didn't need a patronizing speech right now. And he had a feeling Angel would make sure that she was careful. Giles had observed them closely. Despite Buffy's outward nervousness, he had seen something in her tonight that had been missing for quite a while, an inner calmness and contentment. She seemed determined like he had only seen her in battle. She had been anxious about their reactions, but her mind had been made up. Buffy and Angel had presented a united front tonight, consciously or unconsciously, he wasn't sure. And it didn't matter. They finally had what they wanted, each other. And they deserved it. It still hurt sometimes to see Angel, because it was inevitable that his mere presence would remind him of his own loss. But Giles would never sacrifice Buffy's happiness because he had lost Jenny. That had been an accident, an accident that would not have happened if Angel and Buffy would have known the consequences. And that's why he was certain that it wouldn't happen again, especially not with a baby on the way.

Giles came to a halt a few steps away from them. "I just want you to know that… that I am happy for you. You deserve it." Then he looked at Angel. "You both deserve it."

Buffy hugged Giles gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, it means a lot to me to have your support."

"To me, too," said Angel. "It means a lot. Thank you, Giles."

Giles smiled at Buffy and then nodded his head to Angel. "Well, one day you have to tell me about that demon."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You two can discuss all that when Grandpa Giles comes over to help with the babysitting."

* * *

When Buffy and Angel got back to the mansion, Angel asked, "You tired?"

"No, I'm fine. That went actually rather well, don't you think? Hardly any yelling."

"No staking."

"That's always a plus. Well, at least for you."

"You sure you don't want to lie down? You didn't get much sleep lately."

"No, I'm still too wired."

Angel sat down on the couch. Opening his arms to her, Angel said, "Come here."

Buffy just looked at him thoughtfully.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I've just waited so long for you to say that to me." Buffy smiled and went over to him, settling in his arms.

"Buffy, no matter what your mom says or does once she had some time to think everything through, I would like you to move to the mansion permanently."

Buffy was happy, this was all her dreams coming true. But it was fast, very fast. Maybe too fast? Or too good to be true?

"We don't know if your powers will get better or worse. Even if they stay like they are now, I want to be able to protect you. I can do that here at lot better than at your house."

"I see your point."

"And you'd have a lot more room here. We could even get you some mirrors." Angel looked at Buffy expectantly.

"I don't know if I want those mirrors anymore," Buffy answered unenthusiastically.

"Why not?"

"I don't need a reminder when I get fat and ugly."

"You will never be fat and ugly. You will be beautiful when you start showing. Expect to be ogled all the time. I am planning on relishing that sight and savoring every moment of your pregnancy." Because Buffy had been right when she had told her mother that this would be their only child.

Buffy tried to make herself more comfortable on the couch.

"Do you think that is a good position for the baby? You'd be more comfortable in bed."

Buffy was reluctant. She wanted to, but they hadn't talked about how this was gonna work yet, like sleeping arrangements and such. Angel didn't wait for an answer and simply swept her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

Lying on the bed safely encased in Angel's arms, Buffy finally asked, "What about the curse?"

"We'll deal. We've done it before."

"Don't you want to look for a cure?" Buffy asked.

"I do. But first, I want you to realize that if we don't find a cure, it isn't a deal-breaker. I'm here to stay, no matter if we can get rid of the curse. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Second, there are more important things to take care of right now."

"Can't you ask those Oracles?"

"They were already reluctant to give you back the memories. They didn't think it was necessary. And then they threw me out. Just like that. They are not very cooperative if one wants something from them."

"But we could ask."

"We could."

"When we go to LA."

"Yeah."

"You don't seem very enthusiastic."

"Sorry, I just don't want you to get your hopes up unnecessarily. They are moody people. They have a lot of power. When I think what they could have done and spared us. But they never did."

"It's worth a try."

"It is. But the baby has priority right now. We can look for a cure, as long as it involves me and you in the same city. I just don't want to leave you alone, at least not more than necessary."

They were both quiet for a while, each deep in their own thoughts.

"Can I…?" Angel started.

"Can you what?"

"May I touch your belly?"

Buffy rolled onto her back, pushed up her top a little, took Angel's hand and laid it on her stomach. "Sure."

Buffy watched Angel closely. He looked mesmerized and lovingly at where his hand was touching her stomach. He smiled a big smile. When Angel noticed Buffy observing him, he looked deeply into her eyes. "I love you so much. You and our baby."

Buffy smiled happily. "Me too."

Angel kept stroking her belly, until his hand brushed over her ribs. "You are thinner than I remember," he said concerned.

"I missed you?" Buffy suggested sheepishly.

"You need to eat more. How about we get you something?"

"I'm so comfy here."

"I have nothing here. Sorry. We'll change that soon. But for now, I could go out and get you something. What do you want?" Angel sat up.

Buffy grabbed his hand. "I want to not be separated from you." She sat up as well. "But I am hungry. Let's go."

They went out and got something to eat for Buffy. She was indeed hungry and finished her food in the car. And then she fell asleep before they even arrived back at the mansion. Angel carried her inside and settled her into bed. Buffy slept through it all.

* * *

The next morning Joyce made her way to the mansion. She had hardly slept at all.

"Mrs. Summers. Please, come in."

"Thanks. Is Buffy here?"

"Yes, but she is still asleep. Can I offer you some coffee?"

"Coffee?"

"Yeah, coffee."

"Um... sure."

Angel led her into the kitchen, where he had been cooking breakfast. He put the pan back on the stove and turned over some pancakes. A plate with freshly cut fruit was sitting on the table.

"You are making breakfast?" Joyce asked dumbfounded.

"Buffy needs to eat properly."

"Oh… um… yeah, she does." Joyce didn't know what else to say.

Angel handed her a cup of coffee. "It's decaf though. I didn't buy anything else."

Joyce took the cup from him. "Thanks."

Seeing how Angel was making breakfast for Buffy was not really what she had expected. She didn't know what she had expected, but this somehow wasn't it.

The silence was getting awkward.

"So, are you planning on moving back to Sunnydale?" Joyce finally asked.

"I would prefer to wait until Buffy joins us to talk about anything like that."

"Oh, okay."

Joyce sipped on her coffee.

"How is the gallery going?" Angel asked.

"Good."

Angel flipped over another pancake.

"How do you like LA?" Joyce asked.

"It's okay. I've been there before."

"Oh, I see."

They were both silent after that. Angel continued making pancakes and Joyce sipped on her coffee.

Joyce observed Angel closely without being too obvious. She had thought he was gone for good. She had thought him to be an infatuation, a first crush. Buffy had never been very forthcoming about anything concerning Angel. Joyce had taken that as an indicator that there couldn't be many positive aspects to the relationship, if Buffy kept it a secret. And he had killed people.

Out of the blue, without looking up from his pancakes, Angel said calmly, "I won't leave her again, no matter what you have to say, Mrs. Summers. Nobody will ever separate me from Buffy again, or our baby. Never again." It wasn't a threat, it wasn't an accusation, it wasn't a justification. It was simply a statement.

His bold declaration of devotion towards Buffy and the baby surprised Joyce. Just like him making breakfast even though he didn't need any had surprised her. Angel really seemed to care deeply about Buffy. But then, Joyce had never taken the time to get to know him. And she had to admit that she wasn't really aware of much that was going on in her daughter's life to begin with. But what Joyce did know was how difficult it was to raise a teenager on her own. But raising a baby on her own? She would never wish that on Buffy, or the baby. Joyce was aware how hard it had been for Buffy to grow up without her father. Angel was willing to stay with Buffy and his child. And hadn't she been the one to tell him to leave Buffy in the first place? Had she been too rash with her judgment?

Joyce's train of thought was disrupted by Buffy coming into the kitchen.

"Mom," Buffy said surprised. She hadn't expected her mother so soon after last night.

"Good morning, Buffy."

"Morning." She went over to Angel and hugged him, needing the support and reassurance of his touch to brace for what her mother would have to say. "That smells good."

Angel gave her a quick kiss on the head, seeming rather unconcerned about her mother in his kitchen. "Do you want juice or milk?" he asked.

"I smell coffee," Buffy pointed out.

"Juice or milk first, then you can have coffee."

Buffy pouted, but Angel stayed firm. "I got all this healthy food for you and the baby. You get your coffee, but babies are not really allowed to drink coffee. So you have to pick something else for the baby first."

Buffy couldn't help but be touched by his words. "Aw, that is so sweet of you." She raised herself on her toenails and kissed him chastely. In the back of her mind she was still aware that somebody else was in the room.

"Sweet? That's not exactly what I was aiming for," Angel said.

Joyce observed everything closely. If she had had that discussion with her daughter it would have probably developed into a full-grown argument.

Buffy grabbed the milk from the fridge and Angel prepared a plate with pancakes and fruit for her. "Would you like some, too, Mrs. Summers? I made plenty."

"Oh, no, thank you. I already ate."

After Buffy had eaten a few bites, Joyce asked, "How do you plan on doing this?"

"Mom, we only found out three days ago. It's all still a bit overwhelming."

"Mrs. Summers, I can't tell you how we are going to do this exactly right now. But I can promise you that we will work this out. Buffy is still very early in her pregnancy. We have plenty of time to get everything in order until the baby arrives. I will move back to Sunnydale. But I'll keep my business in LA. I will be able to provide for her."

"What about slaying?"

"Angel will help me out."

"I think you should stop completely, Buffy. You might get hurt."

"Mom, I can't stop," Buffy said exasperated. "I'm the only one to do it."

"Buffy, we do have to consider alternatives for your slaying," Angel said. "I can do it."

"You can't take over my patrol and still go to LA once in a while to do cases there. I think I am starting to figure out what exactly causes my powers to desert me. I think I can influence it, to a degree."

"Desert you?" her mother asked confused.

"Ops."

"Buffy, what are you not telling me?"

Buffy sighed. "Well, since I've gotten pregnant, my slaying powers are not cooperating too well."

"Could you please drop the slayer jargon?" Joyce asked annoyed.

"What do you mean you think you can influence it?" Angel asked.

"Well, it only kicks in – or rather signs off - when my body thinks the baby is in danger. If I slay from a distance, let's say crossbow, it shouldn't happen."

"That doesn't mean you won't get involved in hand-to-hand combat."

"No, but it will reduce the risk greatly. I do like to confront my vamps directly and let them see who's staking them. I find it unfair to stake them from behind. And it's less fun. But I guess, for a couple of months I could try to keep myself in check." Buffy grinned.

Angel didn't look too happy with her suggestion. Joyce was completely baffled by the conversation that was going on. "So the baby is making you weak, weaker than normal, I mean?"

"Kind of. But it's only temporarily. As soon as the danger is over, my powers come back and even if I do get hurt, I heal as quickly as before. So it's only painful for a while."

"I still don't like it, Buffy," Angel said.

"But the baby is alright?" Joyce asked, still confused.

"Yes, it is."

"Have you been to a doctor yet?"

"Mom, please, we'll take care of it. But I am not even far enough that it shows up on a pregnancy test for sure. It would be rather strange if I show up there and tell them that I think I am pregnant."

"Then how did you find out at all?"

Buffy looked at Angel, considering whether to tell her mother the truth. Angel just shrugged his shoulders. "A green demon told me while I sang karaoke."

"What? Is that a joke?"

"Nope."

"Buffy, you have to get checked out by some serious doctor, not by some witch demon."

"Mom, please…" Buffy had a hard time not to point out that a demon and a witch were not the same thing. Any witch would be greatly insulted. And probably most demons as well.

"Are you sure the baby is fine? I mean…," she looked uneasily at Angel.

"Mom, don't you think that we want to know that our baby is alright, too? Lorne assured me that the baby is fine. And yes, it is completely human."

"Lorne?"

"The green demon."

"Buffy…," Joyce said disapprovingly.

"Mom, he is probably more qualified to judge something like that than any doctor we could ask. Please, mom, just trust me on this."

"Okay, I get it," Joyce said offended. "No interfering from your mother in things she has no clue about."

"Mom, don't be like this. We want you involved in this pregnancy. But there are some things I wish you would just trust me with. We are not normal people and never will be. You have to come to accept that one day."

Joyce looked at her daughter and finally nodded. "Okay, I'll try."

"Thanks, that's all I am asking. And, mom?"

"Yes."

"I am planning on moving here permanently."

Joyce surprised her daughter by not objecting right away. She was contemplating what she had witnessed before. Joyce had never seen her daughter so at ease. And whatever tension there was was most likely because of her coming here unexpectedly. Buffy would be taken care of here a lot better. She never objected to Angel's fussing and coaxing. Joyce's own pushing and begging had changed nothing about Buffy's eating habits over the last months. She had noticed that Buffy's appetite had gone and she had worried, but she hadn't been able to do anything about it. Today it didn't even seem to be an issue anymore.

"Mom?"

"I heard you."

"And?"

"Well, you are starting your own family. A family should be together," her mother said a bit sadly.

"Mom, you are part of that family."

Joyce tried to give her daughter a smile.

"Mom, I'll still be around."

"Just promise me to be careful."

"I'm always careful."

Joyce gave her a doubtful look.

Angel came up behind Buffy, having deliberately kept in the background. "I'll take good care of her. I promise."

Joyce's mind was not completely at ease yet, but she was by far more reassured than last night.

* * *

**Note:**

Next chapter: Some bumps in the road.


	6. Changes and Concessions

**Chapter 6 – Changes and Concessions**

**Note:**

Thanks for the reviews! Sorry that it has been a while since I updated this. There always seems to be something else that wants to be written or other chapters are closer to being finished or I get stuck somewhere else. But finally here it is: a new, long chapter.

I hadn't really planned on writing this much about the trip to LA. But someone asked for the LA reaction and especially Doyle and Cordelia. Since it didn't make much difference to my original storyline, I wrote it in. I added Wesley for good measure, too.

* * *

Buffy's mom had just left. Buffy and Angel were sitting on the sofa. Buffy was leaning comfortably against the armrest of the couch and had her legs draped over Angel's lap. She was sipping on a hot chocolate. When Angel had handed her the well deserved decaf cup of coffee, she hadn't wanted it. She hadn't felt like coffee, she had felt like hot chocolate. Angel had obliged gladly. He knew the decaf coffee had as much caffeine as the hot chocolate, but still, he somehow felt a lot better that she was drinking the chocolate instead.

"That went rather well," Buffy said. "I didn't expect her to come around that quickly."

"She just wants what is best for you."

"Maybe she is finally realizing that you are what's best for me."

"You expected more of a fight?"

"I don't know. I just didn't expect her to accept everything so quickly. Experience has taught me different."

"She wants you to have a normal life. Who wouldn't want that for their child? Don't you want that for our baby?"

Buffy didn't really want to think about what kind of a life they had to offer their baby. It certainly would be everything else than normal. Of course she wanted a normal life for her baby. But that would never happen. The thought made her sad. But then she reminded herself that she had wished so often that her mother had accepted her weird life as it was and just dealt with it instead of denying the facts or badmouthing it. At that moment, Buffy came to a decision.

"Let's make a deal. No matter what life we can offer our baby, it's not worse than what other parents can offer their children. I always wanted my mother to accept my life as it is. For me it was the only normal I knew, well, at least after a while. Our baby will never know what you call 'normal'. Whatever our life will look like, it will be normal for him or her. It is our normal. What is normal anyway? It's a point of view, nothing more. Let's not act as if what we have is not normal."

"So we act as if me not being able to go out into the sunlight is normal?" Angel asked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

"Yes. Or do you want to pretend you simply don't like sunlight, have sensitive eyes or what? Do you want to lie to our child about the blood drinking, too? Say it's just tomato juice? It will only be awkward if we make it awkward."

"Nobody should grow up with a blood drinking parent," Angel said sadly.

"Why not?"

"It's disgusting."

"Oh, right, yeah, great reason. So it would be better if you preferred whiskey for breakfast, lunch and dinner instead? That's better, because that's more common than your blood drinking?"

"You know what I mean," Angel said dejectedly.

"I do know what you are trying to say. But I am trying to tell you that that is bullshit. It doesn't matter. I know that you'll be a wonderful dad and that's all that matters. Other parents might not be able to go out with their kids because they are ill, can't walk or I don't know what else. That doesn't mean they are not great parents."

Angel still didn't look convinced.

Buffy went on, "Look at what happened when my mom had to adjust to the truth after years of living in ignorance. She couldn't deal with it. Or think about all the people we are trying to protect every single day, who think they know what normal is, but in reality it's just a lie. I will not lie to our child, at least not about something like that. At least our child will be aware of what is out there and hopefully be careful and be able to deal with it."

She had a point. At least their kid would know about the dangers. Angel had hardly wasted a thought on how they were going to raise their child. Everything had happened so quickly. Buffy's pregnancy was a dream come true. But Angel's main concern ever since he had found out about the baby had been Buffy, first her reaction to the lost day and then her fluctuating powers.

"Angel, please, trust me on this. Think of Kendra. For her, slaying was the most normal thing in the world, because she knew about it from the beginning. For me it was a shock, because I didn't."

"You want our kid to become like Kendra?" Angel teased.

"Very funny. No, she was deprived of her parents. That was cruel."

Getting serious again, Angel said, "I just want to do everything right."

"We've handled apocalypses. I think we'll be able to handle one baby."

"I am scared to mess up. I almost did with you. I don't want to mess up with our baby."

Putting her hot chocolate on the table, Buffy straddled him and looked deeply into his eyes. She stroked his cheek and said tenderly, "You'll do great." With a teasing smile, she added, "And if it makes you feel any better, I'll be around to tell you when you approach messing-up-territory."

Angel hugged her and buried his face in the crook of her neck. Buffy stroked his hair.

"So, do we have a deal here?" Buffy asked after a while.

He looked at her and said, "You might have to remind me sometimes, but yes, we have a deal. No awkwardness around our baby."

"Good."

"Buffy, I am aware that I will have to make concessions, especially when the baby is born, but…"

"But?" Buffy asked cautiously.

"You are the one who's pregnant," Angel said hesitantly, wanting to prepare her for what he was about to ask of her.

"Yes. And?" Buffy prodded.

"I think at the moment, the compromises that will have the biggest affect will have to come from you."

"Like what?"

"What about college?"

Buffy sighed. "I'd like to finish the semester at least. But I have already missed so much due to slaying and the last couple of days."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"What? Go to college?"

Angel nodded.

"I am not ill, Angel. I am pregnant."

"Still…"

"What? You gonna lock me up here? Because I am pregnant? Nobody's gonna attack me at college."

"Your education is important. But not more important than this." He gently laid his hand on her stomach.

"I am not ill!" Buffy repeated and got off his lap.

"I know, but college is stressful. And stress is not good for the baby."

"Other people do it too. I am the Slayer. I think I can handle a bit of stress. My whole life is one big stressy thing."

"Even more reason to reduce that amount of stress right now. I know you are stronger and can take more than other people. But… in this case… I know this might sound cruel, but if other people miscarry, they can try again. We can't."

Buffy looked at Angel horrified. She could hardly believe that he would even say such a thing.

"I just don't want us to take that risk, Buffy, no matter how small it is."

Buffy still looked indecisive. Dropping out of college would feel like a huge failure. She had wanted to show everyone, and herself, that she could handle slaying and college. "I don't want to take any unnecessary risks either… but…"

"Uncomfortable, hard chairs, lectures, homework, writing papers until deep into the night, studying for tests. I know this sounds like I am overreacting. But yours is not a normal pregnancy."

"You already want me to stop slaying. What should I do all day long?"

"For starters, you wouldn't have to stay here when I have to go to LA."

"Great, to do what, the paperwork?" Buffy whined.

"Buffy…

"What exactly are your plans for LA anyway?" Buffy asked.

"I will leave most of it to Doyle, Cordelia and Wesley. I have no doubt they'll be able to handle most of the cases on their own. Once in a while I can help them out, but only if it is really necessary. Don't worry, I will be here, Buffy. I won't go back to LA."

"Not for the long-term, I know that. But it might not be very realistic for you to be here all the time either."

"Buffy, I promised I would not leave you alone."

"I know, but I didn't ask you to never leave me alone. I can take care of myself. What I need from you is your commitment. I am sure of that now. But you being here all the time might be only wishful thinking. You are doing a great job with Angel Investigations, you all are. I am just saying that you might have to get used to the idea that you will be away for several days a month."

Angel still didn't seem to be too happy with leaving her alone at all.

"Of course, I would love having you around all the time," Buffy said. "But I don't want you to give up on what you built in LA just because of me. I am my own person, Angel. I'm not a damsel in distress."

"Buffy, if something happened to you or our baby…"

"Other pregnant women have no special powers to protect them at all."

"They are not the Slayer. They are not the target of every evil being in Sunnydale."

"Just of your usual vamp looking for a snack."

"Buffy!"

"What? You can't be around me 24/7. It's not realistic."

"I know that. I can't protect you during the day," Angel said miserably.

"Angel, that's not what I meant," Buffy said gently. "I know you want the best for me and the baby. But you tend to be overprotective, which can be quite romantic and flattering. But at the moment it is bordering on annoying and macho."

He knew Buffy was very independent and needed her space. But having just gotten her back, the thought of anything happening to her was unbearable. He knew he wouldn't get another shot at this. There was no margin for error. "I… maybe I just need some more time to adjust to this whole thing."

"We'll just see how it goes with LA, okay? No need to make any definite decisions right now."

"Okay."

"So, when do you want to go to LA?"

"As soon as possible. I want to get everything in order before you get too far in your pregnancy."

"Why don't we go tonight? I mean, it seems like mom doesn't need the time to cool down. But why not go now anyway?"

"We could. Xander might need the time though."

"He'll come around."

Angel looked rather doubtful. Then he said, "Let's make that tomorrow night."

"Why?"

"I want one more day just with you."

Buffy smiled happily, liking his answer very much. "Okay."

"And we'll make an appointment to get you checked out by a doctor."

Buffy's face fell. She hated hospitals and doctors were not much better. And if her day with Angel coincided with a visit to the doctor, they might as well scratch the whole day. "When we come back from LA."

"Buffy…"

"There'll be nothing there to see yet."

"You have to get checked out. And we won't be staying long in LA, there won't be much more to see when we come back, so you might as well go now."

"It's probably difficult to get an appointment on such short notice."

"Buffy, it's not just about what one can see on an ultrasound."

"I know, I know. But Lorne said the baby is fine."

"And we want to make sure it stays that way, don't we?"

"Course we do. When we get back from LA."

Angel looked at her sternly.

"Okay, okay, I'll call my doctor and see if she has an appointment for tomorrow. If not, we go to LA as planned. Okay?"

"Fine. But if you can't get an appointment for tomorrow, get one for when we come back from LA."

"We don't even know how long we'll be staying, do we?"

"Buffy…"

"I promise I will take the earliest appointment I can get once we are back," Buffy said with big innocent eyes.

"This pregnancy will be the death of me," Angel groaned.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Buffy and Angel looked at each other. Hardly anybody knew they were here at all.

Angel went to the door and opened it. "Giles," he said surprised. "Please, come in."

"Thank you."

Buffy got up from the couch. "Giles, we didn't expect you so soon after last night."

"Well, um, I got a call from LA this morning, from Cordelia."

"Are they alright? Did something happen?" Angel asked concerned.

"They are alright. They were more worried about you actually. They hadn't heard from you for a few days. It seems they had no idea you were in Sunnydale until someone named Lorne told them that you had met with Buffy. I told them you were well and here in Sunnydale. I hope that was okay."

"Sure, thank you, Giles. I completely forgot."

"Do you think Lorne told them why I was in LA?" Buffy asked Angel.

"No, I don't think so."

"I think Cordelia believes you came here to help Buffy with a demon or something," Giles said. "I don't think they are aware of the real reason why you are here. But I think you should call them."

"We were planning on going to LA tomorrow night anyway. But I'll call them."

"Good, I think they'll be relieved to hear from you." Giles was about to leave, when he turned to Buffy and asked, "Have you heard from your mother yet?"

"Oh, yes, she was here a while ago."

"And?" Giles asked, hoping that everything had gone well.

"It was fine, Giles."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." Again he turned to go, but stopped once more. "Um… just so you know, if you don't already, which I hope you do, if you need anything, Buffy, or just want to talk, you can always come to me."

"Thank you, Giles," Buffy said touched. "I'll remember that."

"Well, okay then," Giles said slightly embarrassed at having been – in his opinion - so emotional. "I'll be going then."

As soon as Giles was gone, Buffy handed Angel her mobile phone. "Just press the green button."

Angel looked at the phone and saw that the number of AI was already displaying.

"The green button," Buffy said again.

Angel did as he was told and waited for somebody to pick up. Finally, Cordelia answered the phone.

"Hey, Cordy."

"Angel? Are you okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"Everything is fine," Angel said, avoiding answering her question. "I'll be back tomorrow night."

"You just disappeared. If Lorne hadn't come by… What happened?"

"I'll tell you everything tomorrow."

"But-"

"Everything is fine, Cordy. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow." Angel hung up and handed the phone back to Buffy and said, "I need one of those, too."

Buffy looked at him unbelievingly.

"So you can reach me, whenever you need me."

Buffy couldn't help but smile. This overprotectiveness had its definite upsides. Well, unless he would use his phone to check on her every five minutes. But the fun of seeing how the Scourge of Europe, despiser of most things modern, would manage sending an SMS would be worth it. "Sure, we'll get you one."

Angel sat back down and pulled Buffy close. They just sat like that for a long time, enjoying just being with each other. When Buffy noticed that Angel was starting to doze off, she said, "Why don't you get some sleep? I'll go home and pack my things for LA, maybe talk to mom a bit more."

"Okay." He really was tired.

She gave him a kiss and turned to go. "I'll be back tonight."

Angel grabbed her wrist. "Promise you won't go out after dark alone. If it's dark and you are still at you mother's house, stay there. I'll come and get you. But no going out alone after dark."

Buffy gave him an annoyed look.

"Buffy, please."

"Fine, but only if I get to choose your ring tone," Buffy teased.

"My what?"

Buffy grinned. "Oh, this is gonna be so much fun."

* * *

Buffy made it back to the mansion before nightfall. She was even able to convince Angel to go on a quick patrol with him. She behaved exemplarily. She only used her crossbow or threw her stake from a safe distance, not making any bodily contact at all. Buffy was at the top of her game. But Angel kept a very close eye on her. He was on high alert even when he could neither hear nor smell anybody else close by. Only when they were back inside the mansion, did he dare to relax.

They did some more shopping and Angel cooked her another delicious and healthy meal. Afterwards they settled on the couch, where Buffy soon fell asleep.

* * *

When Buffy woke up the next morning, she found herself in bed next to Angel. She had the urge to hug him for taking such good care of her, but didn't want to wake him. And she was hungry. Quietly, she made her way into the kitchen.

Buffy got out the bread, the jelly, and the peanut butter. It was a brand-new glass of peanut butter. And it wouldn't open.

"What now?" Buffy yelled at the peanut butter glass. "What did I do?"

Angel came running into the kitchen. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

She showed him the peanut butter jar as if that would explain everything.

"I'm not really a fan of peanut butter, Buffy, you know that."

"I can't open it."

"Here, let me." Angel took the jar from her and opened it with ease.

"You don't get it, do you?"

"It's just a peanut butter glass, Buffy. There's no need to get upset." Angel thought her pregnancy hormones were just making themselves known.

"Exactly. I should be able to handle a peanut butter glass."

Angel's face fell when he caught her meaning. "Did you get hurt?" he asked concerned.

"No, I didn't. Argh, this is getting really annoying."

"Calm down, as long as it is just a peanut butter glass… Shall I make you breakfast?" Angel offered.

"No," Buffy pouted, "I hate peanut butter."

Now Angel was really confused. "You hate peanut butter? I thought you just wanted to eat some. Why do you suddenly hate it?"

"Long story."

"Or is this one of those pregnancy cravings?"

"No, it's not. Peanut butter and me do not have a smooth relationship." Buffy looked at the glass. "Or crunchy."

"What?"

"This one is crunchy. Smooth, crunchy, whatever. I hate peanut butter."

Angel had no clue what Buffy was going on about, but she was just too cute when she was pouting. "Well, you are not going anywhere like this, so you might as well join me in bed and tell me that peanut butter story, which I think will be very interesting."

* * *

Back in bed, Buffy told Angel about her previous encounters with peanut butter glasses, while munching away at a peanut butter and jelly sandwich after all.

"Maybe it's getting more permanent the further the baby develops," Angel suggested.

"I really hope not." Lowering her voice to a whisper, Buffy said, "Don't give it any ideas."

"It?"

"The baby."

"Do you think the 'it' is a boy or a girl?" Angel asked.

"I don't know."

"What do you _want_ it to be?"

"What do _you_ want it to be?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

Angel looked at her puzzled.

"Well, I mean, you being an old fashioned guy from the old country and all."

"Buffy, I am in love with the most independent and strongest woman there is. Do you really think I have chauvinistic tendencies like that?"

"Well… no… I guess not… but since it's the only one we'll ever have…"

"I don't care either way. I just want it to be healthy. That's all. This is a miracle after all."

* * *

**Los Angeles**

When Buffy and Angel arrived at the AI office, Cordelia, Doyle and Wesley were already waiting for them. Lorne was there as well. He was grinning broadly, while the others looked rather concerned and confused.

"Where were you? Why didn't you call?" Cordelia asked.

"I'm sorry, I didn't call. I had a lot of things on my mind."

"Well, at least you are okay. But don't ever do that again, leaving without letting us know where you are." Only then did Cordelia acknowledge Buffy. "Oh, hi, Buffy. How are you?"

"Fine," Buffy said sheepishly.

"Did something happen in Sunnydale? Is everybody okay?" Cordelia asked concerned. Angel and Buffy were behaving strangely, as if they were uncomfortable or had some stressful days behind them.

"No, everybody is fine in Sunnydale," Buffy said. Uneasily, she looked at Angel. Should they tell them now?

"Good." Addressing Angel again, Cordelia asked, "So what happened? What exactly was on your mind that you forgot to call us?"

"Um… well, maybe we should just sit down first."

"Sit down? Oh my God, it really is bad, isn't it?" Cordelia said anxiously. "The next apocalypse is already on our doorstep."

"No, it's nothing bad," Angel said quickly. "It will just cause some changes."

"Is there something like a good apocalypse?" Cordelia asked.

"Cordy, maybe you should give Angel a chance to explain everything before making wild assumptions," Doyle suggested and led her over to the next chair.

"Sure, yeah." She sat down. "I'm sitting."

Buffy felt like Angel should tell his friends, but he just stood there and said nothing. "Do you want me to tell them?" Buffy asked.

Angel shrugged his shoulders. "Your approach worked very well last time."

"You are the guy of few words. I'm sure you can manage it as well."

"You have accused me of being too cryptic in the past," Angel said with a smirk.

"Really? How many ways are there to say 'Buffy is pregnant'?" Buffy looked around. "Ops."

"Pregnant?" Wesley asked, looking doubtfully at Angel.

"How does Buffy being pregnant affect us?" Cordelia asked irritated.

"Cordy!" Doyle admonished her.

Cordelia relented, "Unless it's some demonic hell spawn, of course."

Angel bowed his head and looked at the floor. Cordelia's comment had struck a nerve.

Buffy had no trouble guessing what was going through Angel's head. Not after the talk they'd had just yesterday. "For your information, Cordy, this baby is not a demonic hell spawn. It's human and it's my baby. And it's Angel's baby."

"Yeah, right," Cordelia snorted.

Buffy ignored her remark and went on, "And if you ever call our baby anything like that again, I will break your fingers."

"You serious?"

"Sure, I've often had that urge."

"No, I meant about Angel being the father."

"Cordy…" Doyle warned.

"This is very basic biology, Buffy. You two can't even _be_ with each other without Angel turning all grrrrrr," Cordelia pointed out as if they were stupid.

"Cordy, there are some circumstances you are not aware of yet," Angel said calmly.

"Circumstances? What circumstances?"

"I was human for a day."

"Right, don't you think we would have noticed something like that?" Cordelia said unbelievingly.

"You forgot. Everybody forgot, except me. It happened on Thanksgiving, when Buffy was here."

"You were human?"

Angel nodded. Cordelia still looked doubtful.

"It's true, the Oracles had their hand in it," Doyle said.

"And on that one day, he got Buffy pregnant?"

"It's true, honey. The baby is Angel's," Lorne said.

"What, am I the only one who didn't know about this?" Cordelia asked hurt.

"No… um… I didn't know either," Wesley piped in.

"Oh, great… me and the dumped Watcher. But everybody with a little bit of demon in them knows." Anxiously looking at Buffy and quickly hiding her hands behind her back, Cordelia added hastily, "I didn't mean you! Really, no more name calling, I got it." Looking back at Angel, she said, "But I do feel discriminated."

Buffy rolled her eyes and faced Angel so that only he could see and hear what she was saying. "Your friends. I'm giving up."

"Buffy," Angel pleaded. He really didn't want to do this alone.

"Sorry, but as you like to point out," Buffy said sweetly, "too much stress for the baby. I'll be in the kitchen, having a very healthy glass of milk, good for mommy and baby."

Buffy knew it was mean, since he had stood by her when she had told her mom. But that had been different. He could do whatever he wanted. He had nobody to answer to. She had a mother to consider and a Watcher to please. They had all so high expectations of her. And Buffy wasn't sure if she could keep herself from doing any bodily harm to Cordelia, if she made one more stupid comment. It was safer, if Buffy left them alone.

* * *

Buffy actually found some milk in the fridge. She poured herself a glass and sat down at the kitchen table, taking a deep breath.

"Hey," Lorne said.

"Hey."

"You mind some company?"

"Have a seat."

Lorne sat down, smiling at her broadly. "I'm so glad you two worked out your differences. But I never had a doubt. I mean, you two are alright, right? I mean, you wouldn't have come back here with him otherwise. Unless you wanted to skin him in front of witnesses, which you didn't do. Or is that planned for later?"

"No, we are fine. That's been just the second time we had to tell people what is going on. I can imagine more fun things. Slaying is a lot easier than being interrogated, doubted and then declared stupid or insane. "

"Sure, I understand. But you seem to be taking it in stride," Lorne said encouragingly.

"Yeah, but only because this is our last pregnancy inquisition."

"Was your last one in Sunnydale that bad?"

"That one went rather well actually. It's just that this should be a time of joy. And I am happy, ecstatically happy about this little thing growing inside me," Buffy said with bright eyes, touching her stomach. "But not many people seem to want to share that with us."

"Don't listen to what other people say, sweety. And I am sure they'll come around eventually. At the latest, they'll go green with envy when they set eyes on the little one for the first time."

Buffy gave Lorne a smile. "Thanks for trying to cheer me up."

"Anytime, cupcake. So you and Angel go way back?" Lorne asked curiously. He hadn't wanted to question the others about Buffy in case they would get suspicious that he knew more than he had let on.

"Way back? You could say that. I mean, not way back like in vampire time. But it feels like it."

"And?"

"Don't you have to be at your club?"

"Oh, not tonight. I wouldn't wanna have missed this for the world."

"Missed what?"

"This whole thing. I can feel that we have a case of true love here. You don't get to see that very often. Certainly not under these circumstances and with a little bundle of joy on the way as well. I mean, wow, I should write about this, preferably a song."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. We are still far away from the happy ending part."

Lorne looked her closely. "Why so glum, cupcake?"

"Nothing specific."

"Something unspecific then. Interesting. Can you give me another hint?"

"You don't give up, do you?"

"Well, you do know that it's not only important that the mother is eating healthily," he pointed at her glass of milk, "but also doing well emotionally."

"I am happy. There is just so much to worry about now."

"Hey, one day at a time. It'll be fine."

"Can you tell me any more about why my slaying powers are deserting me?"

"Like I said before, your powers are protecting the baby. When the baby needs the protection, you are not as protected. But that means that your baby is a lot better off than other babies."

"Well, if I am dead, that can't be good for the baby either."

"As long as you let Angel do the slaying… you are not slaying anymore, are you?" Lorne asked appalled.

"Well… um… we are still figuring that out. Angel would probably like to chain me to the bed and not let me leave the house at all."

Lorne grinned. "Doesn't sound too bad."

Buffy gave him an annoyed look.

"Okay, maybe in your case…"

"It's just that yesterday I lost my powers without any reason. At least none that I could see."

"What were you doing?"

"Well, I had a craving for peanut butter. But I couldn't open the jar."

"Maybe you are allergic."

"Nope, I've eaten peanut butter all my life."

Lorne looked at her apologetically. "Then your guess is as good as mine as to what else could trigger it."

"Maybe it's just getting stronger the further along I get?"

"Could be."

"But I am not even four weeks along. At this rate I'll have lost any power before I am even half way."

"Sorry, I really don't know, sugar."

Buffy looked seriously unhappy by now.

"Maybe it's the other way around," Lorne tried to cheer her up. "Maybe your powers are just this protective at the beginning, you know, during the crucial stages."

Buffy let out an audible sigh.

"Hey, you'll be fine. Both of you will be fine. Just let Angel do the slaying."

At that moment, Angel came into the kitchen. "That's what I've been telling her. I'd feel a lot better if you would stop the slaying completely, Buffy."

"We'll see."

"Honey, you really have to think of your baby," Lorne said gently.

"I know that. But what if somebody else's kid gets killed while I sit on the couch with my feet up?"

Angel and Lorne exchanged a worried look, neither knowing how to answer that.

"Hey, Angel," Doyle yelled. "Hurry up! Stop smooching your girlfriend. We need that pizza menu."

"Um… the others wanted to order pizza. What do you want?"

"Pizza is fine," Buffy said.

"They have salads too," Angel pointed out.

"Fine, I'll have a salad then."

"Actually, I meant you should have a salad as well."

"Both?"

"You need the calories as well as the vitamins."

"Fine." Buffy resigned herself to her fate. She couldn't be angry with Angel for taking over her dinner decisions when he only wanted the best for her and the baby.

"What kind of pizza do you want?" Angel asked.

Buffy smiled amused. "How about you simply order for me?"

* * *

During dinner, they mainly talked about old cases Buffy knew nothing about. She didn't mind, but she got the feeling her being there made the others a bit uncomfortable at times. She wanted Angel to be able to spend some careless time with his friends. So she excused herself and went to bed early.

"I'll show you where everything is," Angel said and got up as well.

"No, stay here. I'll be fine. I remember where everything is."

"Is everything alright?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, I'm just tired."

* * *

When Angel came to bed later, Buffy was still awake.

"You okay?"

Buffy didn't answer.

"I know you are awake."

"Everything is fine."

"You said you were tired. Obviously, you weren't since you are still awake. Are you angry with me? Did I do something wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"Was it something somebody said at dinner? Is that why you left?"

"No, it has just been a long day."

"Buffy…"

Something was indeed bothering her. She had tried to suppress it all day, telling herself that it wasn't important. But it had festered in the back of her mind.

"Is it because of what Cordelia said earlier today?"

"No, I'm used to her special kind of thoughtlessness."

"She didn't mean it. And she didn't say one bad word at dinner."

"Probably because Doyle prepped her."

"Buffy what is this about?"

"Doyle knew."

Angel instantly knew where this was heading. "He was the one who told me about the Oracles in the first place," Angel answered vaguely.

"You said everybody but you forgot."

"And that was the truth."

"So you told him?"

"I had to tell someone," Angel said, hoping she would understand.

Buffy did understand. But she couldn't help but feel hurt that Angel had told someone else, while at the same time refusing to tell her.

"I know it was wrong not to tell you, to make you forget. Doyle was just there and…"

"I understand. I do. It's just… you keeping things from me is a pretty sore spot for me. And finding out that Doyle knew all along just brought everything up again."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, really. I didn't even want to bring it up again. It was silly."

"I asked you to. And I want you to tell me if something is bothering you. That's one thing I've learned from all this, we talk about things. Okay?"

"Okay."

Angel pulled Buffy closer to him. She gladly snuggled into his embrace.

"I love you."

"And I love you."

After Angel had turned off the light, Buffy asked, "So, when do I get to meet the Oracles?"

TBC

* * *

**Note:**

Next chapter: Heated discussions and misunderstandings (not between who you might think).


	7. Dashed hopes

**Chapter 7 – Dashed hopes**

**Note: **

Thanks for the reviews to the last chapter!

I know some people are following my other stories as well and are probably waiting for the update to another story, rather than this one. But this one was really due first. But my next update will most likely be WWA.

* * *

The next night, Angel and Buffy went to see the Oracles. As a present Angel had given them a very old and particularly valuable piece of jewelry, hoping that it would please them and make them less inclined to refuse their request.

"We can't help you."

"You can't or you won't?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her temper in check.

"Even if we could help, the problem will solve itself one day."

"One day? When?" Angel asked. Would it still be in Buffy's lifetime?

"It will take its course."

"I've had this curse for one century," Angel said. "And now you are telling me it will solve itself. When? After another century?"

"We can't mess with your curse. It might have unknown consequences."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Buffy asked, getting really annoyed with their evasive answers.

The Oracles looked rather bored with this whole conversation. "The gypsies have always done their own thing, in their own way, for hundreds of years. They have their own system of magic. We have an agreement. They don't meddle with our plans, exceptions excluded of course." They looked at Angel sternly. "And we don't meddle with theirs. They are very secretive. They guard their spells carefully. They don't want us interfering. Their spells are very particular. Messing with them, messing with anything one doesn't understand, can do more harm than good."

"How could securing Angel's soul do any harm? Not securing it could do harm," Buffy said exasperated.

"You don't understand. You don't know what could be unleashed. Gypsy spells have a very delicate balance. The spells are constructed in a very particular way. They cannot be changed or undone by the uninitiated. If you don't know the right way to undo a spell, everything might end in disaster. It's like a house of cards, if you pull the wrong one, everything will come crashing down. It's their way of a fail-safe. And even if we could do it, we wouldn't interfere with their business for something like this. And believe us when we say that you wouldn't want that either. The vampire knows how obsessed the gypsies are with their vengeance. If we helped you, they just might come after you again. If the spell runs its course, they might leave you alone."

"So what you are saying is that as long as the gypsies don't do anything to mess with your personal plans, they can do as they please?"

"That is the agreement. And now be gone. We already told you more than we were supposed to."

"You have told us nothing."

"We told you there will be an end to the curse."

"I can't lose my soul again. There is too much at stake," Angel pleaded. "I could hurt our baby."

"Not our problem."

"How can you be so-"

"Enough, we have more important things to do than listen to your whining."

"Buffy got pregnant during the day you turned back. We are both fighting for your cause."

"So? We might be above mortal beings. But even we have heard of safer sex. It was a conscious choice. Don't expect any help from us. Besides, the baby is protected, you already know that. The Host told you."

"The baby, but not Buffy."

"What do you think the cruciamentum was for?"

Angel was speechless.

"She had to fight like a mere human."

"And she hardly made it through that day," Angel yelled at them.

"She did, that's the point. And she's improved greatly since then."

"It's a stupid ritual from the Council."

"It has its uses."

"You can't expect her to slay like this."

"She is the Chosen One." The Oracles disappeared without another word.

Dumbfounded, Buffy and Angel were left alone in the room. But then, out of nowhere the Oracles' voices could be heard one more time, "Oh, and congratulations on the pregnancy." A second later, a teddy bear appeared in front of Buffy.

* * *

"I knew they were stubborn and self-opinionated," Angel ranted. "But I never expected them to be this heartless."

"Calm down," Buffy said.

"Calm down? How can you be so calm about this?"

"They are right, I am the Slayer," Buffy said resignedly.

"A pregnant Slayer. How can they expect you to slay?"

"You heard them, the baby is protected."

"That's not good enough!"

"Do you think I want to slay? I never asked for being the Slayer in the first place. And I don't want to put our baby in danger. I would like nothing more than to hide under a stone for the next eight months. But I can't. I am the Slayer. People are dying out there."

"You can't save everybody, Buffy. And you can't be everywhere at once."

"I know that. But if I stop slaying for the next eight months… God, I just don't know what to do."

"I will do the slaying for you, Buffy. Sunnydale won't be unprotected."

* * *

When Buffy and Angel got back to the AI office, the others were already waiting for them. When Doyle saw the teddy bear he took it as an indicator for the Oracles' goodwill. "Is that from the Oracles?" he asked. "They really made your soul permanent?"

"No, they didn't," Angel said curtly. He grabbed a weapon and made his way towards the door again.

Buffy sat down on a chair and cuddled the teddy bear. She knew Angel wouldn't let her go with him on patrol, especially not today. She didn't feel like slaying anyway.

Angel was about to slam the door shut, when he stopped. Without turning around, he said, "Better get rid of that teddy. Give it to a shelter or something. I don't want that thing anywhere near our baby."

Wesley came over to Buffy and knelt before her. "What happened? Where is Angel going? Did you two have a fight?"

"Not exactly. He just needs to blow off some steam."

"So they refused?" Doyle asked.

"Not exactly."

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Cordelia asked.

"They said they couldn't help us, that they had no power over gypsy spells and that it could end in disaster if they meddled with it."

"Interesting," Wesley said.

Buffy chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Doyle asked.

"Well, Angel was the one who warned me that the Oracles would probably be reluctant to help us. He didn't have high hopes to begin with. But now… it seems to have hit him way harder than me. He was even angry at me that I… seemed so calm. But what should I do? Ranting and raving wouldn't help, would it? I am just glad we are back together again. It's more than we had before."

"He always just wanted what's best for you," Cordelia said warmly.

"And for the baby," Buffy added.

"How about we all get something to eat?" Doyle suggested. "I guess Angel is gonna be gone for a while anyway."

They went out to eat and Wesley, Doyle and even Cordelia did their best to distract Buffy.

When Angel came back from patrol, Buffy was already asleep. And she was clutching the teddy bear tightly.

* * *

When Buffy woke up in the morning, instead up being cuddled up with the teddy bear, she found herself in Angel's arms. The teddy was lying on the floor. Tenderly, Buffy stroked Angel's face. He opened his eyes and smiled at her.

"Don't tell me you were jealous of the teddy bear," Buffy said.

"You kicked the teddy out of bed."

"Do you have any witnesses?"

"The teddy was already one too many in our bedroom."

"Ah, so you admit that you got rid of him," Buffy teased.

Angel rolled them over, so that Buffy was lying beneath him. "But you'll never get a confession out of me," he said playfully.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Buffy said and pushed against his chest with all her might. But all her might wasn't much at that moment.

Angel noticed her feeble attempt to push him off her. Immediately, he backed away from her. "Did I hurt you? Did I hurt the baby?" he asked horrified.

"No, you did nothing. It wasn't you," Buffy said, trying to calm him down.

"Are you sure?

"Yes." She hit the mattress with her fist. "Damn it!"

"Maybe your body considered me as a threat. I did pin you down."

"It only kicks in when I get hurt. And you did not hurt me."

"Buffy, I want you to see a doctor, right now."

"Angel, you are overreacting. I am fine."

"Overreacting? You are not fine. You are loosing your powers without any reason."

"Angel…"

"No, Cordelia will take you to a doctor, no more discussions."

"And what do I tell him? Sorry, I usually can throw a vampire across half a dozen graves, but ever since I got pregnant I can't open a peanut butter glass?"

"Buffy…"

"I am not sick, Angel. Women get pregnant all the time."

"I realize that he might not be able to tell you anything about why you loose your powers, but you haven't gotten checked out yet."

"I agree with that. And we agreed that I'll get checked out when we get back to Sunnydale. Not right now, as you demanded."

"Buffy, please."

Buffy thought about it for a minute. "Fine, I will go see a doctor, but I want to see my doctor in Sunnydale."

Angel sighed. "I can't leave yet."

"I know and you don't have to. I'll take the bus back."

"What? No way!"

Buffy groaned. Why was he being so difficult? "Angel-"

"Well, I guess I could drive you back and finish my business in LA later," Angel said more to himself.

"Angel!"

"What?"

"This is completely ridiculous. I am not ill. There is no reason to assume that something is wrong with the baby. Women have gotten pregnant for thousands of years and most of that time without the luxury of a doctor, ultrasound or any other check-ups."

"But we are not living thousands of years ago. We have those things and you will go see a doctor."

"I already agreed to that," Buffy groaned. Had he listened to her at all? "I just don't want to see someone I don't know."

"And I don't want you to go back to Sunnydale on your on."

Buffy was starting to get angry. He treated her like a little child. She was sure if she gave in to him now, he would get even more possessive later on. She had to show him now that she was still her own person. She did enjoy his protectiveness to a degree, but it would become unpractical and even more annoying further down the road if she didn't show him that there were limits. "You wanted me to see a doctor. It's light outside. So there is no need to worry about some demon attacking a helpless Slayer. And you still have a lot to do here and I am only distracting you.""

"You are not."

"Angel, I think the others wouldn't mind having you to themselves for a while. They know they can't keep you from going back to Sunnydale. They have accepted it. But I think they would like to spend some time alone with you."

"I will come back to LA every now and then."

"Angel, I will be perfectly fine on my own and you still have business to do here. Where is the problem?" Buffy's main reason for coming with him to LA had been the Oracles. Since that had been a dead end, there was nothing more for her to do in LA. Besides, she really wanted to give him time with his friends. And she did feel a bit smothered by Angel. Maybe it was just her hormones playing up, because she really didn't want to be separated from him at all, but the last few days he had driven her almost crazy with his protectiveness.

Truth be told, Angel was simply reluctant to let Buffy out of his sight. He knew Buffy would probably be just fine. But he had just gotten her back and the thought of her going back to Sunnydale without him, for whatever reason, was almost unbearable. The last time she had left LA she had been running from him. Angel knew his behavior was irrational, but he couldn't help himself. But he was also aware that he couldn't keep Buffy here against her will. "Okay," he finally relented. "But call me when you get there. Call me when you know when the appointment is. And call me after you've been to the doctor."

"I will. But everything will be okay. I feel fine."

"Please be careful. And don't you-"

"I know, no slaying on my own. I promise."

* * *

When Buffy got to Sunnydale, she called the doctor's office and with a bit of whining got an appointment for the same day. Afterwards, Buffy went to her mother's house. She didn't feel like staying in the big old mansion without Angel. Buffy made herself comfortable on her bed and called Angel.

"Hey, you got an appointment?" he asked.

"I am fine. Thanks. How are you?"

"Sorry. I figured you wouldn't want to hear another 'how are you' from me. So, did you get an appointment?"

"You are unbelievable," Buffy said with a chuckle. "But yes, I did get an appointment. Actually, this call also qualifies as the call-me-after-you've-been-to-the-doctor-call."

"You got an appointment right away?" Angel asked skeptically.

"Um… yeah."

"But last time you couldn't even get one for the next day."

"I got lucky."

"Lucky?" Angel asked doubtfully.

"Okay, I might have mentioned that I think I am pregnant and my boyfriend is near hysterical. So they squeezed me in." Buffy thought he would be angry because she had lied and had made him sound like a bit of a wimp. It hadn't been a complete lie, in her opinion he was near hysterical.

"Why didn't you do that last time already?" Angel asked admonishingly. "You could have gotten an appointment before we left."

Definitely hysterical, Buffy thought.

"You did it on purpose," Angel stated.

"Can we focus on the important things?" Buffy tried to change the subject.

"Oh God, yes. What did the doctor say?" Angel asked worriedly.

"Everything is fine."

"Good," Angel said relieved. Then he suddenly heard Buffy crying at the other end of the line. "Buffy, what's wrong?" he asked alarmed. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing," Buffy sobbed. "Everything is okay."

"Buffy, you are crying. Tell me what's wrong," he almost yelled into the phone.

"Nothing is wrong," Buffy said between sobs. "I am just glad that the baby is okay."

With her visit to the doctor, the reality of her pregnancy had finally and utterly sunk in. By saying it out loud to Angel, it had hit her like a freight train. She was pregnant. It was confirmed. There was a baby growing inside her. And so far everything seemed to be on track, nothing abnormal. Not that she had doubted Lorne, and in a way the Oracles had confirmed her pregnancy as well, but Buffy had been afraid of the appointment and had indeed tried to delay it. She hadn't wanted to admit – not even to herself - that she had been terrified to find out that something might be wrong with her or the baby. But the doctor had assured her that there was no reason to worry. Despite her two rather violent run-ins with vampires, her mysterious power fluctuations and the rather unusual parentage of the baby, everything seemed to be absolutely normal.

"You sure?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, probably just hormones."

"I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'm fine, really," Buffy said, starting to calm down but still sniffling. "Take your time, spend time with the others."

"I wish I could be there with you right now," Angel said longingly. "We should celebrate. We haven't really done that yet."

Hearing his affectionate words, Buffy started to sob anew.

"Oh, Buffy, please don't cry."

"Sorry, just ignore me. I'm being silly and an emotional wreck, for no reason at all."

"I really wish I could be with you."

"I know, me too."

"I'll be back soon."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. But I better hang up now. I really need to find a tissue."

"Okay. Call me, if you need anything or just want to talk."

"Or cry?" Buffy joked.

"Or that. I love you."

"Love you too." Buffy hung up.

Buffy went downstairs in the search of a box of tissues. She found one in the living room. She blew her nose and then stopped by some family pictures. When she spotted the one where her mother was holding her as a baby, Buffy's tears started again. It seemed like everything made her cry today. That was the moment her mother came home.

"Buffy? What's wrong? Why are you back already? I thought you two wanted to stay in LA for a few more days."

"I…" Buffy couldn't say anymore because of her crying and she had to blow her nose. She tried again, "Angel-"

Joyce rushed over to her daughter and hugged her. "Oh my God, this is my fault."

"What is your fault?" Buffy asked, looking at her mother confused and with red eyes.

"Buffy, he loves you. I know that now. And I am so sorry. He never wanted to leave you. I'll call him and talk to him."

Buffy took a step back from her mother. "What are you talking about?"

"I told him he should make the right decision and leave you so that you could have a normal life."

"When? When did you say that?" Buffy almost yelled.

"Last year, before the prom. I thought that a life with somebody like him…"

"Say it mom, a vampire."

"That life with a vampire was not good for you."

Buffy looked at her mother aghast. "You still don't want him here, do you?"

"No, that's not it. I've realized that he is good for you. I admit that I don't understand it most of the time, but you seem so much happier since he's been back and he seems to do everything for you and the baby."

"You destroyed my life!"

"Buffy, I thought-"

"You thought what? Did you ask me? Did you talk to me about it? No, you went behind my back. And I _hate_ that. I can't stand it. And people seem to do it again and again."

"I'm sorry Angel left again. I'm sure we can work this out and-"

"Left again? He didn't leave me. He had to stay in LA a bit longer. He'll be back in a few days."

"Oh."

"What, not what you wanted to hear?"

"Buffy, no, I am glad you have him."

"Forgive me if I don't believe that right now."

"But why were you crying then?"

"Hormones, I guess. And I've been to the doctor and everything seems to be fine with the baby."

"Oh, but that's great."

"Please leave. Leave me alone."

"Buffy…"

"Fine, then I'll leave." Before Joyce could say anything else, Buffy was already out the door.

* * *

When Angel arrived back in Sunnydale, Buffy was already waiting for him at the mansion. "She told me."

"Who told you what?"

"Mom. That she made you leave."

Angel sighed. This was going to be tricky. "Buffy, no matter what your mom said to me before prom, I made the decision to leave. I won't blame that decision on your mom to make it easier on us. I won't. I made a mistake and we got over it. Please, don't let that set us back."

"Great, now you are putting this on my shoulders."

"Buffy, that's not what I meant. I understand that you are angry. You have every right to be. I just want you to know that I love you."

"You went behind my back and talked to my mom."

"She came to me."

"And you didn't tell me."

"I didn't see it necessary."

"Can you say that her talking to you had no, absolutely no influence on your leaving Sunnydale?"

Angel didn't answer right away.

"We need honesty in this relationship, Angel."

"It might have."

"Might have?"

"I was thinking about it. Your mother reinforced the conclusion I had come to. She's your mother. She's known you a lot longer than me. I thought that she would know what is best for you. And I wanted what is best for you."

"My mom didn't even know that I was the Slayer for years! How can she judge anything else that goes on in my life? Because most of my life revolves around slaying and fighting evil. When she found out she went into complete denial. How could she know what is best for me? You know better. You should have known better."

"I do know now."

"I hate people going behind my back and treating me like a child. I've had to fight on my own for years, go to high school, work towards college even though I will probably never have a real job, be the dutiful daughter and friend and smile while waiting for the next apocalypse. I am not complaining about that. I am just saying that if I've behaved like a teenager once in a while when I was not saving the world, it might have been my version of a well deserved break from my usual daily routine. I can handle worse news. I get them almost every day. What makes you think you have to protect me from such things? I like to think that I deserve a bit more respect than that."

"I'm sorry."

"You could have told me."

"When?"

"Anytime. But you just should have told me. What if I had withheld something like that from you?"

"I see your point.

"Wait a minute. Now that I think about it, you seem to know everything about my life already. How could that be? You even knew about Riley, although it was nothing. You thought I was dating him, when I wasn't. If you had simply stalked me, you would have known that. Somebody must have told you. Did my mom tell you?"

"No, it wasn't your mom."

"But there was somebody. Who?"

"Buffy…"

"Who?"

"It doesn't matter. It's my fault. It was my idea."

"Who told you?"

"I asked Giles."

"Giles?" Buffy asked shocked. She had to sit down.

"I called him and begged him to let me know you were alright. He only agreed reluctantly."

"Giles?"

"Don't be angry with him."

"Why couldn't you simply have asked me? Why didn't you call me? I wished for your call every night."

"I wanted to make it easier for you, so that you could move on with your life. If we had talked on the phone… I just needed to know you were doing okay, so that I could move on and wouldn't come running back here."

"I had no idea where you were in the beginning. Don't you think I wasn't worried sick about you and would have liked to know that you were okay and not a pile of ash somewhere?"

Angel just looked guiltily at the floor.

Buffy went on, "And if you would have bothered to go to the source, then you would have gotten an accurate account of my life and not some exaggerated gossip magazine version."

"I know. And I am sorry." Angel tried to reach for her hand but Buffy avoided his touch.

"Don't. Not now."

"I'm so sorry. Buffy… please..."

"I will stay at Willow's tonight."

"Buffy…" Angel begged, knowing it wouldn't make a difference. "I love you," he whispered, afraid that she didn't want to hear that right now, but having to say it anyway.

"And I love you. I just need some time to calm down." Buffy didn't really want to leave. Angel had just come back from LA. She had just found out that her baby was okay. They had wanted to celebrate. But she couldn't stay. She couldn't be around him right now. She couldn't pretend to be happy when she was deeply disappointed by him. And she was afraid that she might say something to him that she would regret later. So for their sake she had to leave. She grabbed her pre-packed bag and headed for the door.

When Buffy had left, Angel sunk down on the couch. For a while he simply stared ahead at nothing in particular. Then he put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a little black box. He opened the lid. Inside was a beautiful silver ring. It was a delicate vintage style ring. He'd even had it engraved. Angel had wanted to propose to her tonight. But after their argument he couldn't do it. Buffy might have seen it as blackmail to squirm his way out of the situation. And he didn't want her to associate his proposal with them having had a big argument for the rest of her life. He'd simply have to wait.

* * *

Buffy couldn't sleep. She was tossing and turning.

"Everything alright?" Willow asked into the darkness.

"I'm fine. Just can't sleep."

"You can have one of my stuffed animals. That always helps me when I feel lonely."

"I am not missing Angel. I am perfectly able to sleep on my own." Truth be told, she had slept with the teddy bear the last few nights because she had missed Angel. And now it was back at the mansion. And Mr. Gordo was at her mother's house.

"Well, I just thought since you could have slept in the same bed as him tonight-"

"Willow!"

"You are right. It's probably just because you are still angry at him."

"You think I am overreacting?"

"No, I would be mad too, especially since it's not the first time."

"Exactly. And we've just had a discussion about secrets a few days ago in LA when I found out that Doyle knew about the Thanksgiving Day all along. And then he does it again. Well, it was a while back. But still, it hurt to find out."

"I'm sure he didn't mean to keep it from you, not deliberately."

"I just want him to understand how much it hurts me, if he goes behind my back or keeps things from me. I'm not really mad at him. I am really mad at my mom though. But I don't want him to do it again. And if I had stayed at the mansion tonight, he might not have taken this seriously enough. I really can't take much more of this. And if he doesn't get that, I don't know what else to do."

"I'm sure he got the message."

"Hopefully" Buffy sighed.

"Sure you don't want a stuffed animal?"

"No, thanks." Buffy doubted that a simple stuffed animal would do the trick tonight.

* * *

Willow let Buffy sleep longer. She was preparing breakfast when Buffy came into the kitchen. Buffy sat down at the table without saying a word.

"What's wrong?"

"I lost my powers again."

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Buffy looked truly upset.

"Don't worry. They usually come back rather quickly, don't they?"

"I think I'll go back to the mansion," Buffy said absentmindedly. "If that's okay with you."

"Sure, it's okay. Why shouldn't it be?"

"Because I'm bailing on you."

Willow smiled at her friend. "No problem."

"Thanks for letting me sleep here."

"Any time. And if Angel gives you any trouble again, tell him the next time he pulls something like that I will put a spell on him. A really nasty one."

Buffy hugged Willow. "Thanks. You are the best, Will."

* * *

Buffy didn't want to be alone. No, that wasn't right. She didn't want to be without Angel. She felt unusually vulnerable without him. Had Angel's paranoia gotten to her? Was it her hormones that made her feel so helpless? When she got back to the mansion, she made her way into the bedroom as quietly as possible. She didn't want to talk. She just wanted to feel safe.

Angel had already been asleep, but when Buffy opened the door, he was instantly awake. He wasn't sure what had prompted her to come back, but she didn't look at him, so he assumed that she was still angry with him. Without saying a word, Buffy crept into his bed. Angel was unsure about what to do. But when Buffy had settled under the covers, with her back to him, she felt behind her, took his arm and pulled it around her. Angel gladly obliged and spooned her, not saying a word either. He was just grateful that she was back, back in his arms.

TBC


	8. Theories and talking

**Chapter 8 – Theories and talking**

**Note:**

Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Around noon, there was a knock at the bedroom door. Angel had been deeply asleep. Buffy had only been dozing. But they were instantly awake. The person knocked again and then slowly the door opened and Willow stuck her head through the crack of the door.

"Hi," she said awkwardly. "Sorry, I didn't know… I didn't want to disturb you guys but…"

Buffy and Angel relaxed visibly when they saw who it was. "It's okay. Come in."

Angel was shirtless and Willow tried not to look in their direction. "I am really sorry, I just thought…"

Buffy got up and handed Angel his shirt. "What's going on, Will?"

"Well, I thought you might be interested… but it could have waited. I'm sorry."

"Spit it out, Will."

"Well, okay then," Willow said. "After your powers deserted you again I thought about it some more and I have a theory."

Angel frowned at Buffy. "Your powers were gone? Again? When?"

"Before I came over here," Buffy said meekly.

"Before?"

"Okay, _when_ I came over here. But it was already light."

Before they could get into another argument, Willow quickly said, "And I think I have an explanation."

That got Buffy and Angel's attention. "And?"

"I did some more reading about pregnancies," Willow said. "And if we put everything we know together: You usually lose your slaying powers when the baby seems to be in danger, right?"

"Right," Buffy confirmed.

"But if you remember all the times you lost your powers and weren't involved in a fight or in obvious danger…"

"What are you getting at?" Buffy asked.

"Well, it all happened in the morning, right?"

"Right," Angel said.

"And combining this with what I've read about pregnancies…" Willow grinned.

"Come on! Tell us!"

"My guess would be that you are simply suffering from morning sickness."

"Morning sickness?" Buffy asked doubtfully. "But I don't get sick."

"Exactly." Willow grinned happily.

"I don't get it, Will."

"Your body, your powers, protect the baby from morning sickness."

Both Angel and Buffy just looked at her puzzled.

"Morning sickness can lead to dehydration," Willow went on to explain. "Dehydration can endanger the baby."

"You mean, I get morning weakness instead of morning sickness?" Buffy asked.

"Something like that, yeah. It fits perfectly."

"Well, why not? Wouldn't be the first strange thing about this pregnancy."

"Can that be dangerous for Buffy, dehydration?" Angel asked concerned.

"She isn't sick. That's the whole point."

"When will it stop?" Buffy asked unhappily.

"That's hard to say. It could continue until you deliver."

"What?"

"Um… some women only have it for a few weeks though," Willow added quickly.

"That's what I wanted to hear."

"And since you only seem to be affected in the mornings and even that not every single day, my guess would be that you have a milder case of morning sickness."

"But morning sickness is something very common. It can't be that dangerous for the baby," Angel pointed out.

"It really depends on how worse the morning sickness is. Some women have it all day long and some don't get sick at all. And I think Buffy's powers are rather on the overprotective side." She gave Angel a funny look. "Maybe it's your genes making themselves known," Willow teased, but Angel was obviously not in the mood for jokes.

"Overprotective? How so?" Buffy asked.

"Well, like Angel said, simple morning sickness might be annoying but not dangerous. We don't know how bad your case of morning sickness would be, since you don't show any symptoms. But you said one of the first instances you noticed your powers were gone was when you helped Giles with his boxes of books."

"So?"

"It isn't recommended that pregnant women carry heavy things. And many women around the world simply don't have the luxury to take it easy during their pregnancy and they still have healthy babies. If you simply hadn't lost your powers, it shouldn't have been a problem for you. But instead you lost your powers and had to drop the box."

"Yeah, that was strange. I really thought Giles had something to do with it."

Angel gently touched Buffy's hand, wordlessly apologizing again for the anxiety that his keeping mum about the lost day had caused her. Buffy caught his gaze and gave him a reassuring smile, telling him that it was okay.

"This could get really exciting," Willow said. Buffy and Angel looked at her like she was crazy. "Well, I just mean, if morning sickness is morning weakness for Buffy, what will happen if she ought to get swollen feet?" Willow said excitedly.

"Swollen feet?" Buffy groaned.

* * *

After Willow had left, Angel asked, "Are we okay?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, Buffy. It really didn't seem important to me anymore. Your mother-"

"I know. And I love you and nothing will ever change that. And I can't bear to be without you. Especially at the moment, it seems. I feel…"

"You feel what?"

"I feel unsettled when you are not here. I couldn't stand being alone at the mansion, when you were still in LA." Buffy hated being needy or even voicing it. But Lorne had been right, for the sake of her baby she had to tell Angel. She hated feeling that way and only Angel could make it better. Only with him did she feel safe. "I had planned on sleeping at mom's house, but then we had this huge argument and I couldn't stay."

"You could have stayed at Willow's like you did last night."

"That wasn't the same. Last night I had a valid excuse to sleep there."

"And while I was in LA you hadn't?" Angel asked confused.

"I am the Slayer," Buffy protested. "I am not afraid to sleep alone."

"Just unsettled?" Angel asked gently.

Buffy looked at him pitifully and then buried her face against his chest. Angel soothingly stroked her back. "If Willow is right – and her theory does make sense – your morning weakness will be gone soon. As long as you stay out of trouble, you'll be just fine."

Buffy didn't say anything. She just hugged him tighter.

"Hey, what's wrong? Is anything else bothering you?"

"I just… I feel… out of my league. I feel out of my comfort zone. Slayer's aren't supposed to get pregnant."

"Says who?" Angel challenged.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders.

"Do you really believe that? Then the baby getting protected by your powers is just an accident?"

Again, Buffy just shrugged her shoulders.

"Hey, look at me."

Buffy lifted her head and looked at him miserably and almost as if she was about to cry.

"What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Nothing, not really. There are just so many changes at once, me pregnant, you coming back to Sunnydale, moving to the mansion, the argument with my mom, these power fluctuations, me having to give up slaying and college. This feels so…" The only word Buffy could come up with was 'wrong', but she was afraid that Angel might misinterpret that. "It's just too much. I'm afraid I can't… won't be able to handle it," Buffy admitted quietly.

"You'll do just fine."

Buffy didn't look convinced. She nestled up against his chest again.

"We will do just fine," Angel said. "We are in this together." While stroking her back with one hand, Angel was reaching for the drawer of the bedside table with his other hand. That's where he had put the ring earlier.

"I know. And that helps a little bit. I don't think I could do this without you. I feel so… not me. I am the Slayer. And suddenly I am supposed to be a mother as well. How am I supposed to be a mother and the Slayer?" Buffy asked distraught. "You were right when you said I should drop out of college. I have no idea how that would have fit in as well. What was I thinking? I am so glad I have you. At least one of us has to keep a clear head."

Angel withdrew his hand from the drawer and placed it on Buffy's back instead. He sighed inwardly. He decided that his proposal had to wait a bit longer. There was a chance that it would lift Buffy's spirits, but a mistimed proposal might do more harm than good. And at the moment she didn't look like she could take much more. In her current state, taking on another role - that of a wife - might make her feel even more under pressure, even though Angel wouldn't expect anything of her but being herself. And Buffy felt vulnerable and unsure and she'd just had a big argument with her mother. It wasn't a good time for a wedding. Besides, weddings could be very stressful. And stress wasn't good for the baby. And Angel didn't want her to agree to his proposal just because she was pregnant or because she couldn't think clearly.

"I just said you should take a break, not stop completely," Angel said. "You can start again any time after the baby is born. You have the perfect daytime babysitter."

"At the moment I can't even think as far as next week," Buffy said distressed.

"Buffy, we can handle anything."

"Nothing good ever happens in my life." In a timid whisper she went on, "I am afraid that this won't last."

"Hey, don't talk like that. Everything will be fine." Angel knew his talk was bordering on empty platitudes, but he was slowly getting out of ideas and starting to get really worried about Buffy, even more so than usual. He hoped that the state she was in at the moment was only temporary, caused by her latest incident of power fluctuations, rather than something more serious, like the beginning of a depression. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"Not much."

"Me neither. Why don't we take another nap? I'm sure everything will look much clearer after you have gotten some more sleep."

It was worth a try. Talking sure hadn't made her feel any better. Maybe it was really just her lack of sleep that was making her feel so uneasy. "Okay."

Angel quickly fell asleep again. He hadn't gotten much sleep in LA. He had worked day and night so that he could go back to Sunnydale as soon as possible. And when he hadn't been working, he had been worrying about Buffy and the baby.

Buffy lay awake. She was still tired as well, but unfortunately not tired enough to make her mind shut up. After lying still for about an hour, she decided it was no use. Carefully, she tried to extract herself from Angel's arms without waking him, but she wasn't successful. When she was putting on her shoes, Angel gently put a hand on her back to get her attention and mumbled, still a bit a hazy from sleep, "Where are you going?"

"I gotta talk to someone."

"Your mom?"

"Giles."

Angel sat up alarmed and looked at her. "Buffy, it was my fault."

"Don't worry. I just want to talk to him." Buffy leaned towards Angel and placed a quick kiss on his lips.

When Buffy was about to pull back, Angel grabbed her arm and held her close, deepening the kiss. After releasing her, he said, "Everything will work out. We will make it work out. I won't let anything happen to you or our baby."

Buffy avoided his eyes and before Angel could say anything else, Buffy quickly said, "I'll be back for dinner, before dark," and left.

Angel hoped that she would feel a bit better after resolving matters with Giles. He let himself fall back onto the bed. Angel doubted he'd get any more sleep though, at least not before Buffy was back and he could assure himself that the talk with Giles had not upset her even more. As an afterthought, he wondered who of them was the bigger nerve wreck at the moment, her or him.

On her way to Giles' apartment, Buffy was deep in thought. She didn't realize that she chose a route that avoided cemeteries, even though it was a detour and even though it was broad daylight. Angel's words hadn't been able to reassure her. He wasn't very objective when it came to anything concerning their baby. Buffy needed to talk to someone who was less involved in all this. Talking to Lorne had been helpful. But he was in LA. Talking to her mother was out of the question, since she was anything but neutral and not one of Buffy's favorite people at the moment. Xander was a no-brainer. And Willow was almost as bad as Angel when it came to the baby, reassuring her to the point of ignoring reality. Buffy needed more than an everything-will-be-fine-speech. That only left Giles. And that wasn't the only reason she wanted to talk to him.

* * *

Buffy knocked at Giles' door.

"Buffy, come in. What can I do for you?"

"Hey, Giles. You said I could come by, if I wanted to talk."

"Sure. Is everything alright?"

"Yeah. Except for the fact that Angel told me that he and you had a little deal going on behind my back."

"Oh… that…," Giles said awkwardly.

"Yeah."

"Buffy, he just wanted to know you were alright. I didn't feel too great about talking to him without telling you, but I thought it was for the best. You needed to get on with your life."

"Did you mention Riley to him?"

"I might have dropped the name."

"Why? What did you tell him? How did you even know about him?"

"I heard Willow and Xander talking about him once. And I might have implied that you were seeing him. Angel seemed to have a hard time moving on. I thought that maybe if he realized that there was somebody else, that he would be able to let go, making it easier on both of you."

Up to this point, Buffy had been rather calm about the whole thing. But the next question would decide how angry she would ultimately be with Giles. "Did you know he was human?" If Giles had just talked to Angel on the phone occasionally to let him know that she was okay, then that was fine with Buffy. She didn't like it very much, but it was sweet in its own way. It must have cost Angel quite some courage to ask especially Giles for this favor. But if Angel had told Giles about the Thanksgiving day, Buffy didn't know what she would do.

"You mean, did he tell me during one of his calls?"

Buffy nodded.

"No, I found out the same day you told the others at your mother's house."

Buffy sighed relieved.

"Why do you ask?"

"I just wanted to know."

Giles looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Well, we have… had some trust issues. Angel told somebody else about that day, but not me. I know now. He got me my memories back. But I just can't stand when he keeps something from me."

"He loves you."

"I know that. He sometimes just has a funny way of showing that." Buffy sighed. "And then there was that thing with my mom." Buffy looked at intently Giles, suddenly afraid that he might have been in the loop about that incident.

"What thing?" Giles asked, obviously having no clue what she was referring to.

"Not so important. Don't really wanna talk about it."

"Okay."

"Mom told Angel to leave Sunnydale," Buffy blurted out.

"When?"

"Before he left Sunnydale, after we defeated the Mayor."

"You sure about that?"

"Yep."

"So Angel told you?"

"Nope."

"But then… how…?"

"Mom slipped up. I bet she had never planned on telling me. Ever."

"But I thought you two talked and everything was fine."

"That's what I thought. I really thought she was okay with him being back, or at least getting there. But now I am not so sure anymore."

"I'm sure she'll come around."

"Can I ask you something?"

Giles looked slightly bemused. "You've been asking questions since you came here," he pointed out with a smile.

"Yeah, but for this one I want the absolute truth."

"Buffy, I have been telling you the absolute truth," Giles said amused. He knew she hadn't meant to insult him but was simply very nervous about something.

"Um… good… but this one might be a little bit harder."

"Just ask."

"Okay." Buffy took a deep breath. "Do you have any problem with me and Angel being back together, with Angel being back here in Sunnydale?"

"Buffy, even if it did bother me, you two belong together. You are having a baby together."

"You didn't answer my question."

"No, Buffy, I have no problem with him being back."

Buffy still looked doubtful.

"You think because Angelus killed Jenny… Buffy, I know it wasn't him. It took me a long time to see that, to accept that, to make that distinction, because it was easier to blame somebody who was actually here since Angelus is gone. I admit that seeing Angel does remind me of Jenny, that she is not among us anymore-"

"I'm so sorry."

"Let me finish. He reminds me, but so does my apartment, every chair on that she ever sat, my bedroom."

"Giles…" Buffy choked on her tears.

"I am not telling you that to make you feel bad. I am telling you that Angel is not anymore responsible for her death than that chair. It wasn't him. That man you are having a baby with would have never hurt Jenny. And it doesn't bother me that he is back. In fact, I am rather glad he is because he makes you happy and you deserve it. I am glad you found that special someone. And I am sure he will make a wonderful father. And you will make a wonderful mother, Buffy."

"Oh, Giles." Buffy couldn't stop the tears from falling and she hugged him and Giles hugged her back.

"Are you sure you are alright? Is there something else bothering you?"

"I'm fine, really. It's just my hormones, I guess. They are getting worse by the day."

"Well, then the Hellmouth better watch out."

Buffy's face fell.

"Do I see another question coming?"

"Not a question. Angel wants me to stop slaying. But I can't."

"Buffy…"

"I am fine as long as I don't get hit. I am an expert with the crossbow."

"Angel does a pretty good job on patrol. Why won't you let him take over?"

"I just… it's my job. I couldn't bear it if people died because I…"

"Because you are trying to protect your baby?" Giles asked gently.

Buffy nodded. No matter how many people Angel would be able to save, if somebody died, Buffy would always ask herself if her going on patrol would have made a difference.

"Buffy, you can't protect everybody."

"I know that. But even if I do get hit and lose my powers, then I am still the Slayer, then I am still more skilled at this than you or Willow or Xander. If I can't go slaying without my powers, they should have never been allowed to go on patrol at all. They have no special powers at all."

"That might be. But if you did go out and something happened to the baby, you would never forgive yourself."

Buffy knew that. But being the Slayer had been so ingrained in her being over the years. All the talk about slaying being her duty and her destiny was hard to simply shrug off after so long. And it wasn't a simple everyday decision. It was a matter of life and death. "I know. But is my baby's life worth more than anybody else's? Everybody who dies out there is the son or daughter of somebody else. How can I presume that my baby is worth more? I love my baby and I would do anything to protect it. But what am I gonna tell my baby later on? That it is alive because its mother let so many people die? That my pregnancy came with the side effect of death?"

Buffy knew she couldn't save everybody. And there had been phases where she hadn't actually cared much about saving people. When the whole world seemed to be against her, like when she had sent Angel to hell, when her mother had told her to not come back home, when Angel had left, then it had been hard to care about other people. But being pregnant actually seemed to increase her urge to protect other people. In her mind she knew she had to protect her baby first. But if she couldn't protect other people from evil, would she be able to protect her own baby? If she sat back and let evil do as it pleased, how could she make the world a better place for her baby?

"Buffy, being the Slayer means carrying many burdens, not just of protecting people, but also of dealing with people dying," Giles said gently. "And the longer you are the Slayer, the more people that will be. That is a fact, a sad fact, but a fact none the less. And if there wasn't a Slayer, even more people would be dead."

"Just like a Watcher knows that his Slayer will die one day?" Buffy asked carefully.

"Um… yes… I guess. But I firmly believe that you will be the first Slayer to outlive her Watcher by decades. So in my case it isn't really an issue."

Buffy was touched by his words. Jokingly, she said, "I guess next you gonna deny that you are in denial."

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Giles said with a grin. Then, in a more serious tone, he asked, "Buffy, may I give you some advice, as your Watcher?"

"Sure, that's kinda why I am here."

"If you ever tell the Council that I said this, they will import the guillotine from France just for me."

"You've been fired already."

"Believe me, that won't matter."

"Okay."

"Be selfish. Think of your baby. People tend to do stupid things, like hanging around in dark alleys and inviting people they don't know into their homes. I am not saying they are not worth saving, but if you have trouble deciding who should come first, remember that."

Even if Buffy couldn't quite admit it to herself yet, at least not consciously, she would make any sacrifice for her baby no matter what the consequences might be for herself, physically or psychologically. "I know that whatever I do will affect my baby. Other people can make choices that put them in danger or keep them safe. My baby can't. I am responsible for that. I do know that." Buffy sighed. "I guess I was just looking for absolution, but I won't get absolution for letting people die, right?"

"I'd give you absolution any day," Giles said. As a Watcher, he'd had to be infallible. And he wasn't proud of his days as Ripper. But for Buffy he would gladly go back to those days. He'd rather amass more crimes than let them rest on Buffy's shoulders. But in this case, Giles couldn't take the burden from her. He could just reassure her that she was doing the right thing. After he had lost Jenny, Buffy was the closest person he had left in his life. And he'd gladly sacrifice his integrity for her and her expanding family.

"I know self-sacrifice is seen as a virtue for a Slayer," Giles went on. "And I am mostly responsible for teaching you that. But I never considered a baby in that equation. Its existence is truly a miracle."

"Well, the Oracles wrote it off as reckless behavior."

"Reckless?" Giles asked, feigning ignorance and trying hard not to look amused.

"Well, you know…," Buffy said uncomfortably. "Oh, come on, even you British must have heard of… even the Oracles had…" She simply couldn't say the words sex or contraceptive in Giles' presence.

"I get it," Giles said with a smile.

Buffy looked at Giles scrutinizingly. "Are you making fun of me?"

"Humor is a well-known concept in Britain, you know. But no, I am not making fun of you. I was just trying to cheer you up a little bit, by means of distraction. To my shame I have to admit that it was of a rather juvenile nature. I apologize. That must have been a delayed reaction from my time as a high school librarian."

Buffy couldn't suppres a grin. "I appreciate the effort. But if I want stupid jokes – although yours was a rather good joke actually, you really got me," Buffy assured Giles quickly, "but if I want stupid jokes I can call Xander anytime. He probably even cracks them in his sleep."

"Of course. I wasn't trying to belittle your situation, not at all. I am aware that you are in a very difficult position. And when the first demons start finding out, I believe you will face far worse than just worrying about going out on patrol or not. But I am sure you and Angel will manage. You've always made a great team."

"Thanks, Giles." He was probably right, there was no easy way out, at least not for her. And this was only the beginning, she wasn't even showing.

"You are welcome."

"Well, I better get back. Angel tends to be a nervous wreck when I am not in his visual range or within hearing distance," Buffy said with a smirk.

"He needs time to get used to this as well, just like you."

"I know."

"It's only been a few days, Buffy. Give yourselves time."

"I am not sure that time is something we can afford."

TBC


	9. Changing perspectives

**Chapter 9 – Changing perspectives**

**Note:**

_This chapter will probably get a follow-up chapter pretty soon, before the next story (MSoV) gets an update. (I try to rotate the updates, if you haven't noticed by now.) Reviews would positively influence that development._

_

* * *

_When Buffy got back to the mansion, Angel was already preparing dinner. He wasn't sure when Buffy had eaten the last time and wanted to be prepared in case she came back hungry.

"How was your talk with Giles?"

"Good."

"Good?" Angel asked, hoping she would be a little more forthcoming about what had happened at Giles'.

"That's what I said."

"So, it was a productive talk?" Angel asked carefully.

Buffy smiled about his attempt to be not too obviously nosy. "Anything specific you are curious about?"

"Are you mad at him?"

"No, I am not."

"You sure?"

"Angel…"

"Okay, I get it. It was a good talk."

"It was." Buffy hugged Angel and rested her head against his chest. "By the way, that smells really good." Buffy chuckled. "Good seems to be the word of the day."

"You hungry yet?"

"Yeah, actually I am."

"It'll be ready in another ten minutes or so."

Buffy sat down at the table. Angel watched her attentively. Her mood seemed to have improved. She was quiet for a long time, seeming to be deep in thought.

"We also talked about slaying," she said finally.

"And?"

"Giles also thinks I should let you do the slaying." Buffy looked expectantly at Angel, waiting for an I-told-you-so, but it never came. "What, no dance of joy?"

Angel sat down as well and took her hand. "Buffy, I do know that this is hard for you, going against what you have been taught and done almost every night for the last few years. I am aware that I haven't shown it very well, but I do understand this is difficult for you. I understand about duty. I myself feel very close and responsible for the people that come to my door for help. But I tend to forget about those things when it comes to you. In my mind, the rest of the world will simply have to take care of themselves for a few months. But that is just me. You are the Slayer. And that's not as easy to shed as my job. Right now, I only see myself as a soon-to-be-father. I'll probably never go back to working at AI, at least not full time. I know you can't just stop being the Slayer. You will always have that responsibility. You didn't have a choice. You had your powers forced upon you, powers that changed who you were irreversibly. For me, it's different. After getting my soul back, I wallowed in self-pity for almost a century. And then you came along. You gave my life purpose for the first time ever. But I was given a choice. Helping you became my whole purpose in life. And when that wasn't possible anymore, I needed a new purpose to keep me from wallowing in self-pity again. But now I've been given the opportunity to be there for you and our baby. And I don't really feel bad about letting the others take over AI because I always kinda felt like a hypocrite anyway."

"A hypocrite? You are not a hypocrite!" Buffy said aghast. How could he think of himself like that?

Angel gave Buffy a pained smile. "Sure, yeah, I am trying to atone for my sins. But it will never be enough. I was pretending to be someone I am not. I was lying to myself, trying to believe that my doing something good would make a difference."

"You _are_ making a difference, a big difference," Buffy objected vehemently.

"Let's face it, I killed for more than a century. Even if I help people for even longer than that, I can never make it undone."

"Oh, Angel."

"It's okay. I can live with that. All I am trying to say is that looking out for you and our baby is my primary responsibility now. I feel like that is my true purpose. I don't have to pretend with you. You know who I am. Do you think anybody would ask for my help if they knew what I have done? I am not saying that I don't like my job. I do like helping people. But I never felt quite worthy of helping them, coming to their aid as the hero, because I am not a hero."

Buffy gently stroked his cheek, not knowing what else to do to make him feel better.

"And I understand your concern about people getting killed while you are pregnant. But it's not your fault. I don't want you to feel bad or guilty because you can't slay. I'll do my best to help out, to take over for you. I'll do double the time you usually go on patrol, if there's the slightest chance that it will make you feel more at ease. You are not alone anymore. You don't have to fight your battles alone anymore. We are in this together. And we'll make it through this together."

Buffy was very moved by Angel's words. And he was right, she was used to fighting on her own. And she knew she couldn't handle this alone. But if she couldn't protect other people, could she protect her own baby from harm? Buffy also hated the thought of Angel putting himself in danger because of her. She knew he could fight. It was irrational, but she couldn't help worrying. What if he was preoccupied with worrying about the baby while being on patrol? She couldn't lose him, not again.

"Hey, don't cry," Angel said.

Buffy hadn't even realized that she was crying. "Damn, I don't know why I am crying," she said embarrassed and quickly brushed the tears away. "I am so sick of crying. I hate those hormones."

"I love those hormones," Angel said tenderly.

"You are kidding, right? This has to be the most unattractive thing ever."

"Without those hormones there'd be no baby," Angel said with a smile.

Buffy smiled back at him, glad that at least one of them was still able to see things in perspective. "I love you."

"And I love you."

Angel was about to get up, but Buffy grabbed his hand and added, "And you are a hero. You are my hero, our hero."

That was all Angel ever wanted to be. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Come on, let's get you two something to eat."

* * *

After dinner, Buffy got herself a large glass of water and put several boxes on the table.

"What's that?" Angel asked.

"Pills."

"I can see that. What are they for?"

"The baby."

"What? You said the baby was alright," Angel said accusingly.

"The baby is alright. That is part of a pregnant woman's diet."

"What? Buffy, is this a joke? Please, I love your humor - even if I don't get it all the time - but can we please not make any jokes when it concerns our baby?"

"I am not joking. Those are supplements and vitamins and… stuff."

"Supplements? What would you need supplements for? I cook healthy."

"I know you do. And it's delicious as well. You get extra points for that." Buffy grinned seductively. "You can exchange those points for smoochies, if you want."

"I don't trust those pills, Buffy. We don't really know what is in them or who made them or where they come from. They look all the same. How can that be healthy?"

"The what, the who and the where is on the box."

"So? What about all those scandals about pharmaceutical companies."

"Hey, I am not crazy about this stuff either."

"My mother never took things like that and I was a strong and healthy baby, so was my sister, so was everybody else in our town. Modern society is obsessed with pills."

"Said the guy who begged to get a cell phone," Buffy teased.

"Buffy, I am serious. I want you to eat right."

"You know that our groceries today are just as contaminated?"

"At least with them I can judge them by how fresh they look and how they smell. Do I have to remind you that I have a better sense of smell than your average groceries customer?"

"I do remember. And I don't disagree with you about these pills at all. I hate them. And they are so huge that I can hardly swallow them. And they taste disgusting. But do I have to remind you that you wanted me to enjoy all the luxuries of twentieth century pregnancies? That includes pills." Buffy looked at the pills and scrunched her nose in disgust. "Big pills."

"You are not taking them." Angel took the boxes and put them away.

Buffy didn't object. She had been of the opinion that women had given birth to healthy babies for centuries. Had they not, the human race would have been extinct by now. Okay, maybe she simply hated pills and anything that would remind her of hospitals or doctors. But she had been given a clean bill of health by her doctor and her powers were protecting the baby additionally.

"And the next time you have an appointment with your doctor, I am coming with you and I am gonna have a word with her," Angel said.

"Sure, I'd like that."

"I would have come with you the first time."

"I know."

"Why don't you lie down for a while?" Angel suggested.

"I think I am going straight to bed. I am really tired."

"Do that. Will you be okay on your own for a while?"

"Sure."

"Then I'll do a quick patrol."

"Thanks." It took Buffy quite some self-control to say that graciously and not whine about not being able to go with him. "Please, be careful."

"Don't worry, I will."

* * *

Over the next few days, Angel bought several pregnancy books and numerous books on nutrition. He even asked Willow to print out some nutrition tables from the internet. When he wasn't poring over those, he was either on patrol or making sure that Buffy had everything she needed. He made sure that Buffy had nothing to worry about and could relax until she felt more at ease in her new role as an expectant mother. He had read that first-time mothers might feel overwhelmed by their upcoming responsibilities. He tried to keep everything that might upset Buffy away from her and made sure she got enough sleep. Angel wanted her to be able to enjoy and focus on the pregnancy.

Since Angel knew that Buffy wasn't much into reading, he told her everything he read in the books so that she would know exactly what was going on with her body. They made a daily ritual out of it, lying huddled up on the couch or on the bed. Angel told her whatever he had learned that day and Buffy asked questions. He left out the worst-case scenarios though. He himself had read them at least twice to make sure he would be able to distinguish between common symptoms accompanying a pregnancy and the alarming ones.

Buffy had officially dropped out of college. She had already missed too many classes to make up for them easily. And she wasn't really able to concentrate on studying anyway. Angel was rather glad about this development, because he had no way of looking out for her at college. And he simply didn't want her to be stressed out over something like studying. They had enough other things – more important things - to deal with.

Joyce and Buffy had talked, but Buffy didn't feel quite ready to forgive her completely. She hated arguing with her mother, but she felt that her mother still didn't understand the impact Angel's leaving had had on her life. Her mother hadn't been in favor of Buffy's plans to drop out of college either. She was of the opinion that Buffy had enough time to finish the semester at least and then take off the next. But after their last argument Joyce was afraid to strain the relationship with her daughter even more, so she simply kept quiet.

* * *

A few weeks later, Buffy's morning weakness seemed to finally lessen a bit. But now she was always tired instead.

It was early evening. Buffy had just woken up after having taken a nap. She went in search of Angel and found him in the kitchen.

"Hey, you feeling better?" he asked.

"Yeah, a lot."

Angel kissed her. "Good. Want something to eat?"

"You are making me fat."

"No, I am just feeding two people." He stroked her stomach tenderly.

Buffy suddenly felt dizzy and had to hold on to the table. She closed her eyes and willed the dizzy spell to go away, but it didn't. It got only worse.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked and touched her shoulder. But Buffy didn't answer. She fainted and fell against him. He caught her and carried her back to the bedroom.

"Buffy, wake up." Angel stroked her hand and checked her forehead for a temperature. "Buffy, please wake up."

* * *

When Faith woke up, she was lying on a big bed. Angel was sitting next to her, holding her hand and looking worriedly at her.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Angel," Faith said surprised. What was he doing here? Shouldn't he be dead? This certainly hadn't been part of her plan. But she was indeed in Buffy's body. Maybe she should have done a bit more recon before executing the switch. But she had never been big on making plans or thinking them through thoroughly. Well, it was too late now anyway. She'd deal. She always did. And this unexpected situation actually had a lot of potential.

"Buffy, are you okay?" Angel asked concerned.

"Um… yeah… I'm fine."

"You fainted."

"I did?"

"Yeah. You had me worried."

"It's all still a bit fuzzy." God, she felt strange in this body. Was Buffy ill? She didn't seem to be hurt, but she felt really strange, a bit like she had the flu. What exactly had she gotten herself into? She seemed to be at the mansion. And Angel was the last person she had expected to see. Faith was wary of his preternatural strengths. Maybe he could smell or sense the difference. Even if not, Buffy and Angel had always had a certain connection that went beyond words. She had to be extra cautious around him.

Angel went on, "Maybe you didn't eat enough earlier. I'll get you something."

"Um, no, no, I'll be fine. I just need some fresh air, I think." She had to get out of there, away from Angel, at least for now. Faith quickly got off the bed but didn't get far. Her legs were wobbly and she felt weak. She had no strength and would have fallen down had Angel not caught her.

"Buffy, you are not getting better. This is definitely getting worse, a lot worse than normal. I think we should get you checked out at the hospital."

"Don't worry, I'll be fine in a bit." Faith had just come from there and didn't plan on going back. She had spent way too much time there already.

"Please, Buffy, I know how much you hate hospitals. But, please, think of the baby."

"Baby?"

TBC


	10. A new body experience

**Chapter 10 - A new body experience**

**Note:**

_Thanks for the reviews. It's really interesting to read what people think, expect or dread to happen next. I have only read one body switch story ever (by Tango). If I had read that somebody else had done the switch with a pregnant Buffy I would have probably stayed away from the concept altogether. So I am kinda glad that I didn't come across it. ;-)_

* * *

When Buffy woke up, she found herself lying in one of Sunnydale's dark and deserted alleys. Supporting herself against a wall, she slowly stood up. She was still a bit dizzy and disoriented. And she felt strange, different somehow. But she couldn't really pin it down and dismissed it as an aftereffect of whatever the hell had just happened.

Buffy had no idea why she was suddenly somewhere completely else. But she was sure that her abrupt change of location had been orchestrated by somebody – probably somebody evil – with a specific purpose in mind. Buffy had to assume that somebody wanted to catch her alone and was after her or the baby, even though she and Angel had taken the greatest care to keep their little secret as quiet as possible. Buffy looked around, expecting to get attacked any second. But she couldn't spot anything suspicious. Were they maybe after Angel instead of her? Was he still at the mansion? She had to get back there immediately.

Buffy started running. But when she caught a glimpse of herself in a window, she stopped. She took a closer look and saw Faith staring back at her. "That bitch!" Buffy said, glaring at the reflection, and immediately resumed running. She had only one thought: her baby. She hoped that Faith was still at the mansion. As long as Faith stayed there Angel would make sure she didn't do anything stupid. He was already worried because Buffy had been so tired earlier. She didn't want to imagine what could happen if Faith left the mansion without Angel noticing. She hoped that Angel's overprotectiveness would come in handy today. But what if Faith used this chance to hurt Angel? Was that maybe her primary goal? Did she want to finish what she had tried to do last time, namely kill Angel?

* * *

"What baby?" Faith asked confused.

"Buffy, you are starting to worry me," Angel said. "Something is very wrong here."

Faith's mind was racing. Was Buffy pregnant? By whom? But then why was Angel here and not the baby's father? It couldn't be Angel's. Or could it? Faith had to improvise. "You are damn right that something is wrong. You are crowding me." That was always a good guess with Angel, at least she hoped it still was. She headed for the door.

Angel followed her. "Where are you going?"

"None of your business. I need some space."

"I will not let you leave like this." Angel reached for her hand to stop her.

Faith slapped his hand away. "Get off my case!"

Angel looked at her strangely. Buffy's behavior had changed noticeably due to the pregnancy and he'd tried to be as understanding as possible. But she had never lashed out at him like this, at least not without a reason. Maybe he had smothered her lately. He relented, "Fine, if you really have a problem with me taking care of you, I have to accept that."

Faith mentally sighed with relief, almost free.

"But in the condition you are in, I will not have you be alone. I will take you to your mom's place, if that would make you feel better, or Willow's if you prefer that."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Don't you see that something is wrong with you? Buffy, just think this through rationally. Something or someone might be doing this to you to catch you alone, to hurt our baby."

"Our baby?" Faith asked amazed. Did he actually mean that? Maybe Angel had kind of adopted the baby already. Nothing would ever come between him and his precious Buffy. Or maybe she was still in a coma and dreaming all this.

"Buffy?" Angel looked at her scrutinizingly. He reached out to take her hand again, but Faith took a step back. "What is going on?"

"Nothing, really," Faith said quickly. "But maybe staying at mom's place would be a good idea after all." Joyce would probably be a lot easier to fool. Once there she could disappear hassle-free.

"Well, if that's what you want," Angel said.

"Just for a little while. It's not you, it's me. I just need some change of scenery, that's all."

"Okay, I understand. But don't forget your books, if you want to go to college straight from your mom's place tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, sure. I almost forgot. Um… would you mind getting them for me?" Faith asked sweetly.

Angel planted himself in front of her and grabbed her arm firmly. "Who are you?" he asked threateningly.

Faith didn't answer at first. She wasn't sure what exactly had made Angel so suspicious suddenly.

Angel took her silence as a clue that he was on the right track. "Who are you? What is going on here? Where is Buffy?"

"I… I still don't feel too well. Please let go of me. You are hurting me."

* * *

Buffy, in Faith's body, was running towards the mansion. She was just as worried about Angel as she was about the baby. When Buffy burst through the door, she saw Angel holding on to her body and looking very angry.

Angel looked up and saw Faith's body standing in the doorway. "Faith?" he asked confused. Then he looked back at the woman he was holding. The bad feeling he'd already had got even worse and part of him hoped that what he suspected wouldn't prove to be true.

Buffy slowly came closer, solely fixated on Faith. "I would so kick your ass if you weren't carrying my baby."

Angel looked back at the newcomer. "Buffy?"

"Yeah, it's me. Faith somehow switched our bodies, or rather souls. She stole my body and I am trapped in hers."

Angel looked Buffy's body over once more. At first he had thought that somebody had just taken on Buffy's appearance, like a clone. But since it was Buffy's real body the baby was in great danger and they had to tread carefully. They couldn't simply threaten Faith with bodily harm. "Undo it. Now!" Angel snarled at Faith.

Faith tried to break free, but she was no match for Angel. Something was seriously wrong with her. At first she had thought the weakness was a side-effect of the body switch, but it got continually worse.

"Don't let go of her, Angel. We can't let her out of our sight. She might hurt the baby." Then Buffy addressed Faith. "Don't you move one inch. If you hurt my baby, I swear-"

"You are really pregnant, B?" Faith asked slightly amused. "But it can't be the big guy's, right?"

"Buffy, we need to get her out of there and you back in there," Angel said.

"I completely agree." Turning towards Faith again, Buffy asked, "How do we undo this?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Faith said with a smug smile.

"Don't play games with us, Faith," Angel warned.

"Well, you would be the expert on that, wouldn't you?"

"Faith, why don't we just sit down and talk?" Buffy suggested, trying to appear as friendly as possible.

"Sit down and talk? You gonna offer me a cup of tea next? Besides, being your prisoner doesn't really make me wanna chat, you know."

Buffy and Angel exchanged glances, trying to figure out what the other one was thinking and how to proceed.

"Hey, I am not gonna run. I could take both of you, if I wanted," Faith bluffed.

Buffy and Angel exchanged another look and Buffy shrugged her shoulders. They would have to accommodate some of Faith's wishes. And Angel had noticed that Faith wasn't up to her full strength anyway, so he let go of her arm.

Buffy motioned Faith to the sofa, but Faith stood her ground and folded her arms in front of her chest. "You wanna talk? Then talk. I'm listening."

"Fine." Buffy put her hands on her hips. "I have no clue why you thought taking over my body would be a good idea. I guess it's your way of revenge for my attempt to kill you. Let's forget for a moment that you gave me plenty of reason to do so. Actually, I am willing to forget that permanently, as long as you disappear out of our lives forever. But that is my body and I want it back. And believe me, you don't really want to be me. My life is far from easy. This body has a lot more restrictions than you think, especially right now. Besides, it's a main target for everything evil roaming the streets."

Buffy and Angel looked expectantly at Faith, waiting what she would do or say.

Faith paced back and forth for a while. Then she chuckled. "Wow, I still can't believe it. You are really pregnant. The infallible Slayer is pregnant. Has any Slayer ever sunk so low? But you like to set records, don't you? The first Slayer to sleep willingly with a vampire. The first Slayer to set loose a mass murderer, in the form of her former boyfriend. And now this. Anything else I missed?"

"What do you want, Faith?" Buffy asked, starting to get impatient. The longer Faith was in Buffy's body, the more uneasy Buffy got.

"Hmm… Somebody asking me what I want is actually a good start. What do I want? This could be fun. I can choose anything I want?" Faith asked provocatively.

"Cut the crap," Buffy said. "I want back into my body. I want my baby back. What do you want?"

"Is it really Angel's? Because it can't be, can it?" Faith came closer and whispered to Buffy, "Or did you just tell him it is his? And he was stupid enough to believe the fairytale? How come he is even still alive?"

"What do you want, Faith?" Buffy wasn't sure if telling Faith that the baby was really Angel's would be helpful or not. She was afraid that Faith would somehow find a way to use it against them.

"For starters I want to know how come you are pregnant and the vamp plays along," Faith said, this time dead serious.

"Because it is my baby!" Angel growled.

Buffy gently touched his arm in an attempt to calm him down. They didn't have much bargaining ground. Faith held all the cards in her hands. They'd have to appeal to her conscience. Buffy would beg, if she had to. "Faith, we won't hold it against you. You can leave. Nobody will try to stop you. We'll forget this ever happened. Just don't hurt my baby. Please, Faith."

"How did he get you pregnant? I thought you two couldn't do the horizontal mambo. What changed?"

Buffy had a bad feeling that this was going somewhere she wouldn't like.

"What changed?" Faith asked again. The determined tone of her voice indicated that she wouldn't let them fob her off with anything less than the truth.

"Nothing," Buffy said finally.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"So you two still can't sleep with each other?"

Buffy didn't say anything.

"But he could sleep with me, couldn't he?" Faith asked with a mischievous grin.

"I couldn't. It's still Buffy's body," Angel bluffed. He was certain that he would never be able to enjoy sleeping with Faith in the slightest.

"I never liked going to school, but this could be an interesting biology experiment."

Buffy still kept quiet, but Angel noticed that her heartbeat had gone up a notch.

Faith approached Angel and circled him. "I don't insist that you enjoy it too. I'll be totally satisfied with … _my_ satisfaction. And if you do enjoy it, I always wanted to meet Angelus. But what I really want to know is what is so special about you that would make a Slayer," Faith gave Buffy a contemptuous look, "betray her calling."

"If you still don't know that, you will never understand," Buffy said. "Our relationship was never about sex." Admittedly, it was at least part of the reason why Angel had left, but Faith didn't know that. And after all, they were back together despite not knowing for sure if they could ever be intimate again.

Faith dragged a single finger over Angel's chest. "I'd like to test that theory myself. I am a curious person. Besides, it would be a nice addition to the Slayer handbook, don't you think, B?"

Buffy closed her eyes for a moment. She needed to get rid of the picture in her mind. She needed to solely focus on what was important. And that was her baby. Nothing else mattered. She would do – or endure – anything, if it would ensure her baby's safety.

"And apart from not trusting you," Faith went on, "if I had a boyfriend that made having sex worth risking the end of the world, I wouldn't admit it either. Well, on second thought, I probably would brag about it. But the point is you wouldn't."

"We didn't know about that part of the curse," Buffy said.

"Ignorance truly is bliss, isn't it?"

"You couldn't care less about our relationship," Buffy said. "You are just jealous of what we have, always have been, even if you can't admit it, not even to yourself. But it doesn't have to be that way, Faith."

"Buffy, is right," Angel said. "You can have all that too. You don't have to be alone. You've fought on your own for so long that you've simply forgotten-"

"Shut up! You two don't know anything about me," Faith yelled. "But you got one thing right, B. I don't care. I don't care if you'll ever be able to forgive Angel that he slept with me. I don't care if he'll ever be able to look you in the eyes again - without seeing me there." Suddenly, Faith was hit by a dizzy spell and swayed.

Buffy and Angel noticed and exchanged worried looks.

Faith was getting weaker and weaker. She couldn't ignore it any longer. "What is happening to me? Why am I feeling so weak?"

"I'm not quite sure," Buffy said. "But it's probably because I am pregnant."

"Don't try to fool me," Faith said angrily. "Tell me right now what I want to know or I will have to find a way to make you."

"It's the truth. My powers and the baby react strange to danger. My body probably sees you as a danger. It's protecting the baby. It's making you weak." Looking worriedly at Angel, she added, "It's never been that bad before though."

Faith looked at them scrutinizingly, trying to gauge if they were telling the truth or trying to trick her.

"Tell us how to reverse it and you'll get your body back," Buffy said.

"And then you'll simply let me go?" Faith asked disbelievingly.

"Yes, no tricks," Buffy said.

Faith looked unsure at Angel. Buffy was obviously ruled by her motherly instincts for the time being. But what were Angel's priorities? After all, Faith had tried to kill him.

"Yes, you can go," Angel said. "Nobody will stop you."

Faith was still watching them closely, not sure what to do. They had fooled her once before.

"How did you do it?" Buffy asked. "How can we reverse it?"

Faith sighed. It looked like soon this body would be no use to her anyway. "It was a gift from the Mayor. Even though he was so sure that he would win and beat you, he still took the time to consider what would happen to me in case he should be defeated. He did that just for me." For a short moment, Faith got sad look on her face. But she caught herself quickly and it disappeared again. "He left me a spell to take on a new identity, so that I could disappear. He knew there would be no place for me if he lost. He knew you'd still be after me. And since you tried to take my life, I thought it would be fitting that I take your life. I couldn't have known that your life has become like… this," Faith said disgustedly.

For the first time Faith took the time to look around. There were pregnancy books lying on the table and used cups were standing around. A blanket was carelessly thrown over the back of the couch. The place looked a lot cozier than the last time she had been at the mansion. Everything seemed a lot more colorful, too. It actually looked like somebody was living here, not like the model house it had resembled previously.

"Please, tell us how to undo the spell, Faith," Buffy said again.

"And then?" Faith asked. She didn't want to stay in Buffy's body any longer. She didn't want to be pregnant. She didn't want to be weak. But as soon as she was back in her own body she would be fair game. Buffy's body offered her protection. "Even if you don't hunt me down-"

"We won't, we have other things to worry about," Angel assured her.

"Still, there are other people looking for me. The Council is after me. The hospital must have alerted them when I disappeared."

"Staying in Buffy's body is not a solution," Angel said

"We could protect you from the Council," Buffy said. "Giles and I have defied them before. But I am still the Slayer. If I vouch for you-"

"You? Vouch for me? How stupid do you think I am?"

"It's worth a try," Buffy said, not very convinced herself that it would work.

"As soon as I am back in my own body, you will be the first person on my trail."

"I won't. I don't slay anymore, not at the moment at least. I can't, because of the baby."

"Oh, yeah, right, your precious little baby." Faith touched her stomach. "This is the only reason you are even talking to me."

Buffy got a panicked look on her face when she saw Faith's hand lingering on her stomach.

"Faith, you are still a Slayer," Angel said. "You are one of the good guys. You don't have to lead a life on the run. You can do so much more with your life. You have unique abilities and using them to do good is so much more rewarding. You only got off course because of a stupid accident."

"Shut up! Stop pretending you know me. Stop pretending you care about me. You don't care about me. Nobody cares about me. Nobody wants me. You only want what I have in me."

"I am sure we can find a way out of this that will suit everybody," Buffy said. "The Council can always use another Slayer."

"They are insane and you know it."

"Yes, they are a crazy bunch of power hungry control freaks. But they were thrilled to have two Slayers. They would be mad to turn you down. We just have to sell it to them the right way."

Faith was still hesitant. She had trouble forming a clear thought. "No, I am leaving. And Buffy is coming with me. And when I think it's safe, I will do the switch."

"You won't get far like this, Faith. Just undo the spell and nobody will harm you. I promise." Buffy took a step towards Faith, but Faith backed away from them, slowly making her way to the door.

"No, I am only safe as long as I am in your body."

"Faith, please," Buffy begged. "We can help you."

"Think about it," Angel said. "We will work something out. Being on the run and hiding isn't a solution."

Suddenly, Xander jumped through the door that led to the back yard. Before anyone understood what was happening, he hit Buffy – in Faith's body – hard over the head with a large piece of wood.

He'd seen the stand-off between Angel, Buffy and Faith. They'd seemed to be arguing about something. But Faith and Angel had been standing extremely close together. It had looked like them against Buffy. And when Faith had tried to corner Buffy and Angel had just stood idly by, Xander had seen enough. He'd grabbed a piece of wood that had been lying around and had stormed inside.

Buffy had been too focused on Faith to anticipate Xander's move. And his hit was hard enough to knock her out and she slumped to the ground.

Angel grabbed Xander by the throat and tore the piece of wood from his hand. "You damn idiot!" he growled.

Faith used the commotion to disappear into the night.

Angel wanted to go after her, but when he saw Buffy lying there unconsciously and Xander looking down at her triumphantly, he rushed to her side. He couldn't risk leaving her like this with Xander. "Buffy, wake up. Come on, love, you gotta wake up."

"Buffy? Who hit you over the head?" Xander asked Angel.

Angel ignored Xander, totally focused on Buffy. "Come on, Buffy. Please, wake up."

Buffy groaned and stirred.

"You okay?"

"Faith," Buffy mumbled.

"Yeah, we gotta go after Faith. Come on, open your eyes."

Buffy opened her eyes. "Oh, my head hurts," Buffy groaned. She tried to get up but that made the pain only worse. She leaned against Angel for support, who gently cradled her head.

Xander looked at them with contempt and said, "First she tries to kill you and now you two are all over each other? You two disgust me!" Xander started to leave. He wanted to go after Faith, which he still believed to be Buffy.

"Where do you think you are going?" Angel demanded.

"I am going after Buffy. I can't believe you did this to her. You know, I really didn't think you would sink this low. I mean, it's no secret that I can't stand you. But after your show at Joyce's house… I really thought... I can't believe I almost fell for your act too. To think I came here to offer you a truce, for Buffy's sake. But man… you have no idea how glad I am that you finally showed your true face to her and I don't mean that ugly vamp face, I mean that hypocritical, backstabbing face."

"Xander, I am Buffy, not Faith!" Buffy said.

"Was my hit that hard? Wow!"

"They switched bodies," Angel said, helping Buffy up.

"Who switched what?" Xander asked confused.

"Faith switched bodies with Buffy. And you hit Buffy, not Faith."

"Right, nice try. No, actually, pretty stupid. I know what I saw and this is the most stupid excuse I have ever heard."

"You hit Buffy and let Faith escape with our baby. If something happens to the baby-"

"We don't have time for this!" Buffy said. "We gotta find Faith." Buffy headed for the door.

"What is going on here?" Xander demanded to know.

Buffy went over to Xander, who took a step back, not too keen on standing too close to Faith.

"Xander, listen to me. Faith woke up from her coma and the Mayor left her a spell to take over whoever's body she wanted so that she could start a new life and disappear. She chose my body, because she always wanted what I had. Don't really know why, but whatever. And now I am stuck in Faith's body. But I am Buffy."

"Okay, I've changed my mind. It's obviously a very well thought through excuse after all."

"Please, Xander, you have to believe me. We don't have time for this. Ask me something that Faith wouldn't know."

"Angel could have told you."

"Right, and why would I waste my time with telling Faith all about _your_ life?" Angel asked. "Besides, when exactly should I have done that?"

"Um… well…"

"Ask me something Angel wouldn't know either," Buffy said.

Xander had to think for a moment. "Okay… um… when I was on the swim team, who was responsible for the others turning into monsters?"

"The coach."

"Who helped him?"

"The nurse."

"And who did Willow think was responsible for everything at first?"

"Jonathan. Do you believe me now?"

"Well… um… I guess… but how did Faith…?" Xander asked, still somewhat confused about the whole thing.

"That's what we need to find out. We have to reverse the spell. You go find Giles and Willow. Maybe they have an idea how to undo this. Angel and I are going after Faith."

"Okay…" Xander said, still baffled that Buffy was looking and sounding like Faith.

Buffy walked over to Angel, who was already waiting for her at the door. Cautiously, she checked the throbbing bump on her head and upon touching it she winced.

Angel lightly touched her shoulder. "Let me get you an aspirin before we go."

"No, we've lost too much time already."

"She is weaker than usual. She can't have gone that far."

"We gotta find her before something happens to the baby," Buffy implored. "Besides, I want Faith to feel the full force of this headache once she is back in her own body."

* * *

Faith walked aimlessly through Sunnydale, not sure where exactly she should head next. Leaving town was probably the best idea. Well, it wasn't really an idea, rather the only option she had left.

"Hey, haven't seen you for a while," somebody suddenly called from the other side of the street.

"Oh, hey." Faith had no idea who this guy was, but he obviously knew Buffy.

Riley jogged over to her side of the street. "What have you been up to?"

"This and that. And you?"

"Well, I had really hoped you'd call me."

Wow, the guy really had the hots for Buffy. And he wasted no time in making his intentions clear. "I would have, but I lost your number."

"Well, it's not like you don't know where to find me."

Maybe Buffy and this guy were already involved. But Buffy was with Angel, or wasn't she? Maybe she'd had a one-night stand with this guy. Maybe the baby was his. But he didn't seem to know anything about the baby. Would Buffy sleep with someone just to get pregnant and then go back to Angel to play happy family? "Um… well… I've been really busy," Faith said.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to explain yourself. I'm a big guy. I just thought that… well…"

"Really, I've just had a lot on my mind lately."

"You don't have to lie to make me feel better."

"I am not. But maybe I can make up for my horrible behavior?" Faith suggested with a brilliant smile.

"Well, you could let me take you out for a coffee or something."

"Sounds good," Faith said and looked at him expectantly.

"Now?" Riley was a bit surprised by her sudden interest.

"Yeah, why not?" Faith smiled at him seductively. "You have anything better to do?"

"Um… no, not really." Actually, Riley was supposed to meet with Graham and Forrest. But he was sure he could bail out. He was always the dutiful soldier. He deserved some time-off once in a while. He'd ask them to cover for him. He'd done it for them often enough. He was sure they wouldn't mind.

"How about we have that coffee at your place?" Faith suggested. She needed a place to stay for the night. And if she lay low until the sun was up, at least she wouldn't run into Angel.

Riley agreed happily. "Sure. Let's go."

After walking for a while, Faith was starting to get out of breath. Riley wasn't walking especially fast, but she simply couldn't keep up. In order to disguise her indisposition, she casually linked arms with Riley. He didn't seem to mind one bit. But when she was suddenly hit by another dizzy spell, Riley noticed.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay. It's just been a long day."

"Maybe I should better take you home."

"No, it's nothing. And I was really looking forward to that coffee."

By now Faith was sure she only had a limited period of time left in this body and she had to make good use of it. And with her strength waning more and more her options were limited as well. She wouldn't get far like this. Buffy and Angel would eventually find her. She had to face that this probably wouldn't have a happy ending for her. But she could still go out with a bang. Faith would show them that she was never to be underestimated, not even in this condition. She was a fighter. She always fought to the bitter end. Surrender was not an option.

It would be hard to top the last time – almost killing Angel and nearly dying herself. But one thing she had learned from Buffy and Angel was that violence was overrated. She could be subtle too. And she didn't want to hurt the baby after all. She told herself that she was only concerned about the baby because if something happened to it her days were definitely numbered this time. But even though there were no visible signs of the pregnancy yet, she felt how sensitive her breasts were and that she was unusually moody. Her feelings were all over the place. And the thought of coffee was actually revolting. Or was that all just her imagination? She really needed to get out of this body.

She hadn't been able to fool Angel, but Riley seemed to be a willing participant. Should she tell Riley about the baby? If he was the father, that might do the trick. He seemed to genuinely care about Buffy. Maybe he would want the baby, if he knew about it. That would certainly spoil Buffy's plans for her little patchwork family. But it was a long shot. The father could be anyone. Maybe it had been an accident. It was bound to happen as long as Angel's curse was still active. And if it had been deliberate, Buffy probably would have chosen somebody she didn't know, maybe even somebody from out of town.

But even if Riley was the real father, telling him about the baby wouldn't solve her problem. If Faith switched back into her own body now, she would most likely be in very close proximity of Angel and be at his mercy. She would lose all bargaining power. Maybe if she managed to tie herself up before changing bodies, she could blackmail Angel into letting her go by telling him Buffy's location. And maybe Riley could help her with that plan.

TBC

* * *

**Note: **

_I know, I am mean, pulling another cliffhanger. But the next part isn't quite finished yet and I didn't want to let you guys wait any longer. So I am probably going to postpone my next update of MSoV one more time in favor of another update to this story. I realized it's been almost 3 months already since the last update to MSoV, a week or two more shouldn't make a difference by now._


	11. Clearing up the mess

**Chapter 11 – Clearing up the mess**

**Note: **

_Thanks for the reviews. I am not trying to torture anyone on purpose. I really wish I could write the chapters faster, but often life gets in the way. This time especially, since I've just moved, started a new job and my computer is on the verge of dying. But don't worry, I am in the habit of making plenty of backups. And when I had the chapter finally finished, the Document Manager wouldn't cooperate... I also didn't have time to proof read a second time, so excuse any mistakes that might be still in there.  
_

* * *

Buffy and Angel were walking rather aimlessly through the night. They had checked the Bronze, not really expecting to find Faith there though.

"Damn it, where could she have gone?" Buffy asked.

"If anybody knows, it would be you," Angel said.

"Me?"

"You know her better than anybody else. You spent the most time with her."

"That doesn't mean I know her at all. She's a sneaky, manipulative, devious, mean person. How should I know what she is thinking?"

"Buffy…"

"I am nothing like her," Buffy said upset. "Just because she is a Slayer as well doesn't mean-"

"Buffy, stop it. I didn't mean to imply that you two are alike. I just meant that if anybody has any clue where she could have gone it's you. The rest of us have never really spent any time with her."

"I should have killed her when I had the chance. How could she do this?" Buffy was so angry. She felt violated and incomplete in this body, without her baby.

"Buffy," Angel tried to get her attention. But she seemed to be in her own world of self-doubt and anger. "Buffy, just stop for a second."

"We don't have time!" Buffy said, looking at him miserably.

Angel took her hand and lightly tugged on it. "Come here." He pulled her close and embraced her. He stroked her back. "We'll find her."

Slowly, Buffy started to relax a little bit. She could hardly form a clear thought. And the headache Xander had given her wasn't helping. But she needed a clear head. Consciously, she forced herself to only focus on Angel's soothing hand on her back. They could do this. Together they could do anything.

"And I don't think she wants to hurt our baby," Angel said.

"And you would think that why? Didn't you just tell me you know her even less than I do?"

"I just don't think she would hurt an innocent on purpose. Despite everything she is still a Slayer."

"Yeah, great, she still hates vampires, which you happen to be. And she hates me. And it's our baby."

"But still an innocent. Besides, the baby is protected."

"For how long? You saw how weak she was. What if it continues?" Buffy tried to push away from Angel, but he wouldn't let her.

"Buffy, we have to think positive. We have to work with what we know. Guessing won't help."

Buffy took a deep breath. "You are right. Sorry, I lost it."

"It's okay." Angel let go of her. He would have liked to kiss her. But as long as she was in Faith's body, it would likely get him in a hell of a mess later on. So he just took her hand. "Come on, let's go."

* * *

Buffy and Angel decided to check the cemeteries. It was an even longer shot than the Bronze, since Faith was in no condition to slay, but maybe she was using one of the crypts to hide in.

Sudden Buffy spotted Graham and Forrest. "I have an idea. Come on," she said to Angel and dragged him along.

"Hey, have you guys seen Buffy?" she called out to them.

"Do we know you?"

"Um… we are friends of Buffy."

"And?"

"And we are looking for her."

"Well, you can keep looking all night. She has other plans."

"What?" Angel asked.

"So you have seen her?" Buffy asked.

"No, we haven't seen her. But she's busy."

Angel grabbed Graham's shirt. "Where is Buffy?"

Forrest tried to attack Angel, but Buffy was faster and had him pinned to the ground in a second. "Answer the damn question. Where is Buffy?"

"Who are you guys?"

"We are her friends. And we are very worried about her."

"Relax, will ya? She's with Riley."

"How would you know that if you haven't seen her?" Buffy demanded.

"Riley bailed on us, said he had a hot date, with that chick he's been mooning over for ages."

"And where are they now?"

"We are not his damn babysitter. And I bet you are not hers."

Angel grabbed Graham around the throat.

"Honestly, we don't know."

Buffy put more pressure on the Forrest's back. "Ahh, ouch, stop. Well, by the sound of it, my guess is he probably took her back to his place."

"It was about time, too," Graham added. "Once he's had her, maybe he will stop being so obsessed with her."

Buffy released Forrest. "Come on, Angel, let's go,"

Angel let go of Graham and followed Buffy. "And where exactly are we going?"

"Riley's place."

"And you know where he lives because…?"

"Angel…" She usually didn't mind Angel's jealous streak, but right now was not a good time.

"You said you hardly knew him."

"I never said that. But I am not interested in him, not the slightest bit, okay?"

"But he obviously is very interested in you," Angel pointed out.

"And that is somehow my fault? I never led him on, if that's what you are implying."

"No, I am not implying anything. I… I'm sorry. I'm overreacting. I didn't mean to…"

"I know. It's okay. We are both edgy. And I'm sorry too." Buffy took his hand and stroked her thumb over his skin. She would have kissed him, but just the thought of Angel kissing this body was too much for her. So she simply gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hand.

"So, how do you want to do this?" Angel asked.

"Do what?"

"Riley and Faith. Riley's intentions seemed very clear from what those guys said."

"Yeah, he probably played right into Faith's hands."

"Or she in his," Angel pointed out.

"Whatever, but we should try the nice way first. I really don't want to have to explain more than necessary to Riley."

"Me neither. Except that you already have a boyfriend," Angel growled.

"We could say she is drunk or ill. I really don't want to come across as some slut. We could go for amnesia."

"If he has touched your body, I will _give_ him amnesia."

* * *

"Here we are," Buffy said when they stood in front of Riley's door. "Can you hear anything?"

"Yeah, some music."

"So they are probably in there. If she used my body to…" Buffy shuddered only thinking about it. "Let's do it." Buffy knocked on the door. But nothing happened.

"She's in there," Angel said. "She just asked Riley to ignore the knocking."

"Okay, plan B then."

"I didn't know we had a plan B." Angel grinned. "But I like it." He kicked in the door.

Riley and Faith were lying on the couch, making out.

"What the hell…?" Riley faced the intruders, but couldn't say anything else as Angel had already grabbed him and had him in a headlock. He only let go of him when he lost consciousness.

Buffy grabbed Faith and pushed her against the wall. But she didn't struggle at all, knowing her game was up.

"I thought we would try the nice way first," Buffy said when she saw Riley go down.

"Sorry, couldn't control myself," Angel grinned, not looking ashamed at all.

Looking back at Faith, Buffy said, "It's over, Faith. Switch us back."

Faith didn't answer. Admitting defeat was not her strong point.

"Faith, I just want my baby back. And I promise I won't hurt you afterwards."

"Faith, just do it," Angel said. "Since when are you a coward?"

"Yeah, and what would be more courageous than trusting us?" Buffy asked.

"Okay, okay, you win. Just give me a sec." She was so damn tired.

"Faith…" Buffy warned.

"I have to concentrate." Faith had memorized the spell, but now she had trouble remembering. She tried to recite the spell, but it didn't work.

"Do it now!" Buffy said.

Faith tried again, but nothing happened.

Buffy grabbed Faith. "Don't you dare play games with me."

"I'm not."

"Faith, I am warning you…"

"I… I might have remembered it wrong. I can't really… think clearly anymore. I am so tired."

"But how did the Major give you the spell? It must have been written down somewhere."

"It was."

"And?"

"I lost the spell." Actually, she had thrown it away, but 'lost' sounded slightly better.

"What?"

"It's the truth. I didn't really think this whole thing through. I was just wanted to make it out of here. I found the spell and knew I couldn't take it with me. So I memorized it and then threw it away. Then I just did it. And before I knew it, I was in Buffy's body. The spell should still be lying around in the alley where I did the switch."

"I woke up in an alley, not too far away from the Bronze. Is that it?" Buffy asked.

"Yeah."

"Somebody could have found it by now."

"I doubt it. Who goes around looking for some crumpled-up paper?" It had been a dark alley. The light hadn't been good and Faith had chosen the place because it was so deserted.

"It could have blown away," Buffy said distressed.

"Then you better go look for it," Faith pointed out.

"Maybe Giles can reconstruct it, if you tell him what you do remember."

"Could we please not panic prematurely?" Faith suggested.

Buffy grabbed Faith and pushed her against the wall again. "You are the one who should panic, because if anything happens to my baby you are so dead. And this time I don't mean like in a coma, I mean like in a coffin."

Riley slowly came round. When he saw Faith being held against the wall, he yelled, "Get away from her!"

The other three looked at Riley, not sure what to do. Buffy reacted first. She quickly let go of Faith and went over to help Riley up. "Um, sorry, this seems to be a big misunderstanding. We thought you were going to hurt Buffy."

"I'd never hurt her," Riley said.

Angel considered knocking him out again, but knew Buffy probably wouldn't be very receptive to that idea. "We are her friends. We just want to take her home. She isn't feeling too well."

"I have never seen you guys before." Looking at Faith, he asked concerned, "Are you okay, Buffy? Did they hurt you?"

"I am okay, really," Faith said. "They are just taking me home." Riley was no match for Buffy and Angel. It was better for Faith if she played along. Besides, she really needed to get out of this body.

Riley went over to her, took her by the shoulder and led her into a corner where they had more privacy. "You don't look too well. Are you sure you are okay?"

"I'll be fine once I lie down. Like I said before, it's just been a really long day. I am not really myself at the moment."

"Come on, let's go," Angel said.

"I am gonna see to it that she gets home alright," Riley said.

"What?" Angel asked, hoping for Riley's sake that he had misheard.

"I don't trust you," Riley said. "I am coming with you."

Angel looked at Riley threateningly and took a step towards him, but Buffy discreetly shook her head, letting him know that Riley was not to be harmed again.

"Fine, let's go," Angel grumbled.

* * *

Faith had trouble keeping up. She was still getting weaker and weaker. When Buffy noticed, she linked arms with Faith and more or less dragged her along.

"That's not the way to Buffy's house," Riley said after a while.

"We have to make a small detour," Angel said.

"Yeah… um… she lost her… bracelet," Buffy added.

"Yeah, right, I lost it," Faith confirmed. "Pretty clumsy of me."

"I could get Buffy home and you guys can look for her bracelet," Riley suggested.

"They wouldn't know where to look for it," Faith said quickly. By now, Riley was even starting to get on her nerves. If he didn't shut up soon he would only make everything worse for her, if that was still possible.

"Buffy, do you really want to go with them?" Riley asked. "You look tired."

"I'll be fine. But we really need to find my bracelet. It's very valuable."

* * *

"Here it is," Faith said when they arrived at the alley.

"Why don't you look over here, Riley?" Buffy said. "And we'll search the alley. It'll be faster that way."

"Um… okay… what exactly am I looking for?"

"A bracelet. Shiny, silver thing," Angel said annoyed, already turning his back on Riley and making his way into the alley, followed by Faith and Buffy.

"It should be somewhere around here," Faith said and leaned against the wall. She was completely exhausted and not able to keep herself upright much longer.

"If we don't find the spell, Faith, I swear you will regret it," Buffy hissed and started looking for the piece of paper.

Faith hardly noticed her threat and sank down against the wall.

"Faith!" Buffy immediately rushed over to her side.

"I'm okay. I just need to sit down," Faith said. "Keep looking."

"Found it," Angel said. He came over to them and handed Faith the paper.

"No tricks," Buffy warned.

"Don't worry. I can't wait to get out of this body." Faith read the spell out loud. As soon as she had spoken the last word, she started to get dizzy. She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them she was already back in her own body. But the dizziness hadn't disappeared and she lost her balance. She would have fallen down had Angel not caught her.

He lowered Faith to the ground and leaned her against the wall. Then he attended to Buffy, who had lost consciousness. Angel was grateful that she had already been sitting down. "Buffy? Wake up. Are you okay?"

Buffy's body had already been weak, but the switch had given her the rest. When she heard Angel's voice, she forced herself to follow it to consciousness. Despite the heaviness of her eyelids, she opened them. "Yeah, I'm okay," she said tiredly. Her hand went automatically to her abdomen. She managed an exhausted but genuine smile. "_We_ are okay."

Angel let out a sigh of relief. "You sure?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah, everything is fine. I'm just tired, so tired." She closed her eyes again.

"It's okay. I'll get you home and you can sleep."

"You sure she is alright?" Faith asked concerned, carefully getting up and rubbing her head where Xander had hit her. "Maybe you should take her to a hospital, just to make sure." Faith didn't want to be responsible for anything happening to Buffy's baby, not just because she feared what Angel and Buffy would do to her then, but because she already had one innocent soul on her conscience.

Angel noticed the worry in her voice but chose not to comment on it. "She'll be more comfortable at home." Angel lifted Buffy into his arms and started walking towards the main street. Then he stopped again and turned back around. "You coming, Faith?" Angel asked.

"You said I could go," Faith said and took a few steps backwards.

"And where would you go?" Angel asked.

"None of your business."

"I know," Angel said calmly. "I just think we could talk."

"About what? Buffy's fine. You said so. She said so." Faith took another step back.

"Faith, I am not gonna hurt you. I just want to talk."

"I don't wanna talk! I just want to leave."

"And where would you go? You can stay with us tonight. We have plenty of room."

"Yeah, right, so you can kill me in my sleep? I'm not stupid."

"I know you are not stupid. Just desperate and alone."

"I do very well on my own."

"Don't you wanna stick around until Buffy feels better? Maybe talk to her?"

"That's a really bad idea."

"You can still turn your back on all of this tomorrow. And I certainly won't follow you once the sun gets up."

Faith still looked at him uncertainly.

"Look, Faith, I meant what I said. I think you are destined to do good with your slaying abilities. You took a wrong turn, but that doesn't mean…" Angel trailed off. He could see in her face that she wouldn't be very receptive to his ideas tonight. And he wasn't really keen on this talk either right now. "You don't look like you wanna have this discussion tonight and neither do I. I just want to get Buffy home. That's all I really care about right now. You can come with us or not. It's up to you. You could sleep in a nice, clean bed and simply leave first thing in the morning. It usually helps to sleep things over before making life-altering decisions." Angel started walking. "Well, you know where to find us."

Faith just looked on as he turned his back on her again and continued walking towards the street.

When Angel emerged out of the dark alley with Buffy in his arms, Riley rushed towards them. "What happened? What's wrong with her?" he asked concerned.

"She's just sleeping and I am taking her home. And you should head home too," Angel said, not bothering to stop at all to talk to Riley. He really had enough of the guy.

"No, I want to know what is going on here," Riley said, putting himself in Angel's way.

Angel just looked at him annoyed. Had he not been carrying Buffy, he would have made quick work of Riley. "You are starting to get on my nerves, boy."

"And what about her bracelet, huh? I don't see her wearing it."

"She remembered that she left the bracelet at home after all," Faith said, catching up with them. "So we really don't need your help anymore. But thanks for the offer."

"No way, I won't leave her alone with him."

"She is in good hands," Faith said. "And she won't be alone with him. I am staying at their place as well."

Angel gave Faith a look, trying to hide his surprise.

"_Their_ place?" Riley asked. "You mean Buffy's place. Her mom's house, right?"

Faith looked at Angel for help. She didn't want to say anything wrong. Besides, she wasn't really privy to their living arrangements.

Angel decided it was time to mark his territory. "No, she doesn't live there anymore."

"What? Since when? And who are you exactly?"

"Not that it's any or your business, but I am her boyfriend."

"Her boyfriend? Buffy never said anything about a boyfriend. And I have never seen you before." He turned to Faith. "And neither have I seen you."

"Well, and we haven't seen you around Buffy before," said Faith. "And we've known her a lot longer than you."

"If you are really her boyfriend, then why was she throwing herself at me?" Riley asked.

"I was not… um… I bet you were the one doing the throwing," Faith objected. After all he had approached her in the first place.

"I-" Riley started.

"She was obviously not feeling very well today," Angel cut him off angrily. "And that's the only reason I am willing to forgive you for your trespassing. But don't ever touch her again!"

"You must have been blind not to notice how weak she was," Faith said. She didn't just say this for Angel's benefit. She just went with the flow. It was fun to be part of a team again, to have an alley, to be on the winning team. And Faith liked winning. And Riley was definitely going to lose.

"She said it was nothing," Riley defended himself.

"Go home," Angel said.

"You better do what he says," Faith said with a grin. "Because if you don't, you might end up with one of your arms missing, or a leg, who knows."

"Fine, I know when I am not wanted. No need for threats. Not that something like that would intimidate me," Riley said. He knew he had to let it go for now. He was sure they were lying, but they were not going to tell him the truth. He would simply pretend to leave and then follow them. Buffy had indeed behaved strange. But he had been only too glad about her sudden interest in him and had ignored her unusual behavior. Maybe she had been under some kind of demonic spell. But Riley couldn't voice his suspicion. It might blow his cover. So he had to pretend to have no idea what was going on. "I have better things to do anyway," Riley said and stomped off.

When Riley was out of sight, Angel looked at Faith with a slightly amused smile. He was glad she had changed her mind. But he didn't say anything.

They walked on in silence for a while. Buffy was still deeply asleep in Angel's arm.

Suddenly, Angel let out a low growl.

"What? What did I do now?" Faith asked.

"Not you. Don't look around. He's following us."

"God, the guy really is annoying," Faith said. "What are we going to do?"

Angel raised an eyebrow and asked, "We?"

"Well… um… I could rough him up for you. You know, as payment for my accommodation tonight, if the offer is still up."

"It is," Angel confirmed. But he had something else in mind as compensation.

"So what is your plan?" Faith asked.

Angel would have loved to take Faith up on her offer. But Buffy would be more than displeased with him, if he did that. "For now, let's just wait and see. Maybe he is smarter than he looks and gives up when he sees that we really are taking her home."

When they arrived back at the mansion, Angel put Buffy to bed, while Faith waited in the living room.

The longer she was left on her own, the more uncomfortable she got. This had been a stupid idea. Why had she gone with them? She considered making a run for it after all. Maybe it was all a trap. Maybe Angel just wanted to get Buffy to safety and then he would deal with her. Faith was about to leave, when she spotted Riley lurking around the mansion. She considered what she should do. Angel was certainly capable of taking care of Riley on his own. But before Faith could decide on a plan of action, Angel was already back and immediately noticed what had caught Faith's attention.

Angel rushed outside and grabbed Riley. "You are really getting on my nerves," he growled.

"I… I just wanted to… make sure Buffy is alright," Riley stammered.

"She _is_ alright. She is home and in bed where she belongs." Angel dragged him inside. He pointed towards the teddy bear lying on the couch. "Think that is my personal taste of interior decoration?"

Riley looked around. The teddy bear definitely looked girlish. And this really didn't look like some lair or hideout. Maybe he had misjudged the situation. Riley looked at Angel unsure. Something about this guy was still giving him the creeps. He'd give it one last try. "There is a very simple way to check if you are telling the truth. Does Buffy's mom know where she is?" Riley asked and waited for Angel's reaction.

"Well, you could ask her. But I'd rather not disturb Joyce at this hour."

Riley looked at him dumbfounded. He knew her name? But maybe it was just a bluff. Riley couldn't tell, because he himself didn't know her first name. "I… I…"

"By the way," Angel went on, "do you think you'd get to keep your job as an assistant, if they knew you were bothering students at home?"

"I'm sorry. This really seems to be a misunderstanding," Riley said quickly.

"As we've been telling you from the beginning," Faith piped in.

Angel let go of Riley. "This is your last chance. Either you leave now out of your own free will or I will make you and it will hurt." He really wished he could do without the threats and warnings, but Buffy probably wouldn't appreciate it. He knew she didn't really mind his jealous streak, but with her being hormonal and all, she was unpredictable at times.

Riley made for the door. "I'm really sorry. I just wanted to make sure Buffy was alright, nothing else." Without another word he disappeared.

"What a jerk," Faith said.

"Come on, I'll show you your room."

* * *

Angel was sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard and watching Buffy sleeping right next to him. She had slept through everything. He was too agitated to sleep. Besides, he wanted to keep an eye on Buffy, making sure her body was coping after the two switches and having to put up with Faith's soul.

He had wanted to talk to Faith, but she looked tired and he reasoned that if he gave her some time to think everything through and see that she was safe here, she would be more receptive to his suggestions. On purpose he had left the door to their bed room wide open and had put Faith in a room where she would either have to climb out the window or walk by their room if she decided to leave.

And indeed, not too long after Angel had shown her to her room Faith tried to sneak out. Had she gone through the window, Angel couldn't have done anything. He would have simply let her go. But this way, he would give it another shot.

"Where are you going?"

"Um… getting an aspirin?" The headache was mostly gone by now. But thinking everything through had given her cold feet. Staying here had been a bad idea.

"The bath is the other way," Angel pointed out.

"Well… I… okay, let's cut the crap, I am not staying."

Angel stayed where he was, hoping Faith would feel less intimidated this way. "Nobody will hurt you. I won't and Buffy won't either. We have what we wanted. And we gonna stick to our word."

"Said the vampire to his pray."

"You are usually the huntress."

"Yeah, and I don't think Buffy has forgiven me for that."

"I don't know. You would have to ask her. But I have."

"I almost killed you."

The worst thing for Angel about Faith's poisoned arrow was not that he could have died, but that he had drunk from Buffy. And he mostly blamed that on his lack of self-control. "I am still alive."

"Yeah, I noticed. And by the way, how did that happen?"

"Long story." Angel didn't want to talk about that now. He wanted to talk about something else.

"Hey, you were the one who wanted to talk."

"Fine, then let's talk about what you gonna do when you walk out the door tonight."

"I get my life back, my freedom," Faith said.

"You become an outcast. A rogue Slayer."

"So?"

"I would have a better suggestion."

"Really?" Faith said, trying not to sound too interested.

"Yes."

"Enlighten me."

"Stay and take over Buffy's slaying duties."

"What? Are you out of your mind?" Faith yelled.

Buffy stirred, but didn't wake.

In a whisper, Faith hissed "Have you lost your marbles?"

"No, far from it actually."

"That's crazy. Besides, the others would never… hell, I don't even… you saw what Xander did."

"Nobody said it would be easy. It would be hard work. You would have to earn their trust back. But everybody deserves a second chance." Angel looked lovingly down at Buffy, who was deeply asleep again.

"She gave you a second chance, didn't she?" Faith asked softly.

Angel nodded.

"What happened? How can she be pregnant from you?" Faith asked.

"That's an even longer story. You should get some sleep. We can talk about everything else tomorrow."

"What makes you think I won't leave over the roof?"

"You could have left anytime already. I am not stopping you. If you do feel you have to leave, I am the last person who wouldn't understand. But let me give you a little piece of advice. Leaving is not a solution to your problems. Believe me, I know."

Faith looked at him and was about to say something, when she changed her mind and went back to her room.

* * *

"Hey," Buffy said, when she woke a few hours after sunrise and found Angel staring at her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Good. Why are you looking so glum?"

"I was worried about you."

"I told you, I was just tired, very tired." Buffy stretched and then snuggled into his side. "I am just so glad I am back in my own body. If Faith had stayed there much longer, who knows what would have happened."

"Let's not think about that," Angel said and hugged her closer to his body.

"I guess these power fluctuations are really good for something. If my body hadn't reacted to Faith's invasion like it did, I don't think we could have persuaded her to give it back. She always thought my life was so much better than hers."

"I think after she found out that you were pregnant, she wasn't too keen on staying in your body."

"Well, she could have…" Buffy couldn't finish the sentence.

"No, Buffy, she never would have done that."

"She tried to kill you. She killed the Mayor's aid."

"She didn't mean to."

"She did mean to kill you."

"She was brainwashed by the Mayor."

"How can you…" Buffy trailed off. She didn't want to fight. "Whatever, I am just glad she is gone."

"Well…" Angel started, not sure how to break the news to Buffy. But then he heard light footsteps coming down the hallway. In a second there would be no need to explain.

"Um… good morning," Faith said a bit awkwardly when she passed their room.

"Morning," Angel replied.

"Um… I was just on my way to the kitchen… for breakfast," Faith said uncomfortably, seeing how Buffy was staring daggers at her. "Cause I'm hungry after all… that… yesterday."

"Sure, go ahead. We'll be there shortly too," Angel said.

"Okay." Faith quickly left quickly for the kitchen.

Buffy looked at Angel like she was about to strangle him. "What is she doing here?" Buffy hissed.

"She needed a place to sleep."

"You let her sleep here? Right next to our room?"

"Well, a couple rooms down the hall."

"I can't believe this." Buffy turned to get up, but Angel grabbed her hand.

"Buffy, please listen to me before you get all mad, okay?"

She crossed her arms and just looked at him.

"Everybody deserves a second chance and-"

"She killed people!"

"So did I."

"That was different, and you know that," Buffy said.

"Buffy, we can help her. And she can help us."

"Help us?"

"She could take over for you while you are pregnant. You won't have to worry about slaying anymore and can fully focus on our baby."

"You are doing a great job."

"I know you don't think it's the same. She is a Slayer. She is destined to do this. And I would have more time to spend with you."

"She tried to kill you."

"I know. But I am sure she won't try again."

"Well, I am not willing to take that risk."

"She has nowhere to go. And if she keeps on running there is nowhere else for her to go but down."

"So?"

"Buffy, just like you have this urge to slay, I believe Faith has it too. She needs a purpose in life. And what better purpose for a Slayer than slaying? She could redeem herself by saving people."

"Look, if you miss helping people, I understand, I really do. Maybe you should make another visit to LA and help out there."

"Buffy, this is not about me helping people. I am perfectly happy with just being there for you. But if we don't help Faith, nobody will."

"She made her bed, she has to lie in it."

"I think she is willing to change. Why else would she have stayed the night? She could have disappeared any time during the night. I didn't lock her up or anything. She was free to go. Why would she stay if she didn't want to change?"

"What if you are wrong? You really want to take that risk with our baby around?"

"She never harmed the baby when she had the chance."

"Because she knew I would kill her if she did."

"I don't think that's it. She was really worried about you and the baby last night. She wanted me to take you to the hospital."

Buffy still looked like she wasn't anything else but fond of his suggestion

"Just give her a chance," Angel said. "You could sit back and relax and I would have more time for you. If nothing else, Faith was a really effective Slayer. If it doesn't work out, she can still leave."

"Yeah right, after how many casualties?"

"Buffy, you are being unfair."

"Don't tell me I am unfair. I almost lost you because of her."

"You said yourself that was a long time ago."

"I said that because she was holding our baby hostage."

Angel understood her reluctance. But he also saw it as a great chance for them and for Faith. But he didn't want to upset Buffy, especially not while she was pregnant. "It's your call. I would never ask her to stay if you don't want her here. It's just a suggestion. But even if you want her to leave, maybe you want to talk to her before she leaves."

"Talk about what?"

"I don't know. Maybe you want to ask her something or talk about what happened, sort some things out. And we don't have to decide anything right now."

To Buffy, the concept of Faith going back to slaying was not really that bad. It was her job after all and certainly better than letting her roam around and cause havoc. But could Buffy trust her with Sunnydale? Last time, Faith had killed someone she was supposed to protect and then turned her back on Sunnydale. And no matter how much she liked the idea of having someone fill in for her while she was pregnant, Faith posed an imminent threat to Angel.

"And in your little scenario, where would Faith stay?" Buffy asked.

Angel gave her a look that told Buffy all she needed to know.

"Here? Are you out of your mind?"

"We have plenty of room."

Buffy was simply speechless.

Angel went on, "Or your mom might take her in."

"No way. Then I'd rather have her here where I can keep an eye on her."

"I think it's best to have her stay somewhere where she is around people. We have to show her that being part of a team and working together is better than being alone. Why did she turn to the Mayor? Because he took care of her and made her part of his family. He was like a father to her and after all we know now it seems he actually cared about her very much and didn't just use her for his purposes."

"She's never had an easy life," Buffy admitted.

"No," Angel agreed.

"That's not a yes," Buffy said quickly.

"Buffy, just because I think she deserves a second chance doesn't mean I trust her blindly. You and the baby always come first. You are my main priority and I would never do or suggest something that could hurt you or the baby. She will have to earn any trust she is given. I am not suggesting we forget everything that happened. I just believe we can use this situation to both our and her advantage."

Buffy let herself fall back into the pillows and released a deep breath. "Damn, I can't believe I am actually considering this. And I mean very, very remotely."

"That's all I am asking of you. Just think about it." He placed a kiss on her forehead and lay down next to her, wrapping his arm around her.

"This is crazy."

"Well, at least you two agree on something."

Buffy looked at him questioningly.

"That was kind of her first reaction as well. And maybe she doesn't even want to stay. We can't force her."

"I certainly wasn't going to try."

They lay together for a while in silence. Angel wanted to give Buffy a chance to process his idea. And he simply enjoyed being with her, having her back in the right body.

"Angel?"

"Yes?"

"Did anything happen… before I made it back to the mansion?" Buffy asked hesitantly.

"No," Angel said without hesitation, knowing exactly what Buffy wanted to know. "Nothing happened. Not even a kiss, not even cuddling." He hugged her tighter.

Buffy was quiet again.

"You do believe me, don't you?" Angel asked. "It's important to me."

"I do believe you."

"Nothing happened. When the switch took place, she fainted. It probably was too much for your body. I carried her back to bed and waited for her to wake up. And then she started behaving strangely. She wanted to get away from me, made excuses to leave. She really didn't behave much like you. But I put it down to your hormones. Wouldn't have been the first time that… um… well…"

"It's okay, I know I haven't really been myself lately. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize."

"What happened then?"

"Well, I got suspicious but played along until I got a chance to test her. I told her not to forget your books for your classes. And she asked me to get them for her."

"Sneaky."

"Yeah, maybe, but the moment my fears were confirmed I was so scared, Buffy." He hugged her even tighter.

"Angel, you are crushing me."

"Oh, sorry. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no biggie."

"You sure?"

"Angel…"

"Sorry, I just… I can't bear the thought of anything happening to you or our little miracle."

"Me neither."

Buffy's stomach growled.

"Somebody is hungry. Come on, let's have breakfast together and see how it goes."

* * *

When they came into the kitchen, Faith was sitting at the table and chewing on an apple. When she saw them coming in, she jumped up.

Angel leisurely went to the cupboards and got out some plates. "What do you want for breakfast?"

He didn't receive an answer as Buffy and Faith were just staring at each other.

"You know, breakfast will taste a lot better, if you two sit down and relax," Angel said.

None of them followed Angel's suggestion. He put the plates on the table and went over to Buffy. He gently kissed her and whispered, "Give her a chance." When Buffy looked at him angrily, he added, "I know you don't trust her. I know you won't let her out of your eyes and neither will I. Relax, it'll be fine." Angel gave Buffy another kiss and then went over to the fridge. "So, what would you like, Faith?"

"I… um… whatever you are having," Faith said insecurely.

"He makes really good pancakes," Buffy said finally, but she didn't take her eyes of Faith.

"Pancakes?" Faith repeated.

"Yeah, you know, those flat, hot things. They look like pizza just without the topping."

"Sure, pancakes. Great," Faith said, trying to sound enthusiastic, but failing miserably.

"Pancakes it is," Angel said and grabbed a pan.

* * *

Breakfast was a quiet affair and Angel almost started to regret having invited Faith to stay. When Buffy and Faith had finished their food, Angel cleared away the plates. Buffy got up as well and wiped off the table.

Faith watched them with great interest. "Man, you two have gotten homely. Are you sure I woke up in the right dimension?"

Buffy looked at her with ice-cold eyes.

"It was just a joke," Faith said. "Relax."

Buffy just turned her back on Faith, otherwise she might have said something she would probably regret. Well, she probably wouldn't regret it, but she had promised Angel to give her a chance.

"Fine, forget it. This was a stupid idea." Faith stood up. "Thanks for letting me stay the night." She walked towards the door.

Buffy looked at Angel. She almost expected him to run after her, but his look told Buffy that it was up to her now. Buffy took a deep breath. "Faith, wait."

Faith stopped and turned around. "What?"

"If you really want to change, if you really want this chance-"

"I do, I really do. I want to change." Faith looked ashamed at the floor. "I want to make up for what I did."

"But that's it. That's all you gonna get. If you screw up again, I won't be as forgiving."

"You mean you'll do something worse than stabbing me in the stomach with a knife?" Faith asked jokingly.

"Yes, something much worse," Buffy said dead-seriously.

"Well, I guess that's only fair," Faith said.

"More than fair, I think."

"Fine, you got yourself a deal."

"Fine, now that that's settled, I am gonna take a shower."

* * *

When Buffy had left the room, Faith sat down at the table.

"Some more coffee?" Angel asked.

Faith could have used something stronger at that moment. But she held her tongue and just nodded.

When Angel had refilled her cup, he sat down directly opposite her. "Listen, I am glad you are taking this chance. But if you set one foot wrong, if you upset Buffy in any way, if you try anything to upset her on purpose, I'll personally chase you out of town or worse."

"I guess that includes no loud parties?"

"Faith!"

"Relax, I was just kidding. You two really have lost your sense of humor."

"No matter what you or Buffy think, this is not a charity project for me. The main reason why I asked you to stay is so that Buffy won't have to worry about slaying. She gets really agitated about not being able to protect Sunnydale. That's your job. That's what you are here for and why you get to stay. And it's your chance to make up for what you did."

"Slaying is the only thing I know how to do anyway."

TBC


End file.
